I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

Tonight feeling good, had an uneventful day, went for a run, did chores, walked dog, cooked a roast dinner for one, had lovely couple of hours with dc & once they went to bed had a glass of wine & a bar while catching up on emmerdale.

@JanisJoplin73 well done, do you feel relief?

I feel devastated but with disappointment. Physically I feel much better. The sky feels like it’s less low. I’m less angry. I don’t feel sick at the thought of the future. I feel very sad about it though and my life is very hard on the situation in which I’m left. I think your body tells you when you’re not listening to your instincts and you feel better internally when you make a change if that makes sense.

It definitely does, I feel sadness that it didn't work out but then relief because I know that wasn't down to me, bitterness that I let a man treat me like he did & upset at the person I've become as a result of almost 13 years with him. But I'm hopeful too that life will be better again, I feel so much less stressed now that he's no longer in the house & feel that I can face exercise & friendships now which I couldn't before.

There's a brighter future out there for you too

Thanks. Yes i am
A much friendlier person since he left.

Am so glad that I've a solicitors appointment coming up week after next as H is just being a complete w*nker regarding time with dc. He wants all their time now, at his say so after not participating in parenting for past four years +. He cannot see that he is not being fair and that he's messing the children around not just me.

Thought I'd update as it's been a while -dd is coping remarkably well, and she was the one I was more worried about.
She is definitely trying to please Daddy though which I'm concerned about.
Ds is having difficulty processing it & has taken to being quite vicious verbally & physically towards me when he doesn't get his own way & isn't eating well for me, not sure about with his father but pizza features a lot there so probably is eating.

I'm going to give it until Christmas & then will check out some play therapy for him perhaps.

I was upset one evening this week when I prepped ds' favourite dinner & was looking forward to the 3 of us eating together to find out that h had given them dinner, not his evening for this. Just done to get at me. I ended up just doing a toasted sandwich for myself & feeling hurt that I cooked for everyone & ate with my children every day & now mostly eat alone

I picked myself up & following evening treated myself to a trip to the cinema, unplanned because now the days dc are with him in the evening I can do things sporadically, when we were together I was expected to be responsible for dc every minute I wasn't at work & au pair was the rest of the time.

And just like I predicted he's back to being an ass, text at 8pm last night to know what time dc would be home at today, still no reply

He is a dick. Try not to engage if you can - unless you're desperate to know what time they'll be back, try not to let him see it bothers you by even asking.

@HannahnotAgnes I'm 3 hours drive from home at the moment, it'd be nice to know if I've to leave now or if they're not back until evening.

It's to control me

If I'm not home he could tell dc I wasn't bothered & on the other hand I could be home by lunchtime & dc not home until eve time because he's decided to keep on to them.

Or even tomorrow evening as it's a bank holiday

Had to text again as no reply so 6pm this evening, plus he's agreed to me having them all day tomorrow

Oh good - I was going to suggest that you just told him what time you'd be back, but then I suppose he would just insist on bringing them back earlier just to spite you. It poisons your life doesn't it and I'm afraid I don't have an answer.

Yes @kaitlinktm that's exactly what would happen & then dc would feel that they weren't important to me.

Thing is, there needs to be a way of dealing with him as he could go on doing this even after a divorce. What about telling him you will be home 3 hours later than you will - even being at home and telling him you will be home in a couple of hours. Can't think of anything else. What an absolute pain.

He won't be able to do it when they are older - but that's a long time off, and by then he will have thought of other things to do - unless he finds someone else and loses interest. Let's hope so.

He's bloody living next door until we sell the family home he knows when I'm home & when I'm not

He thinks he should be able to call the shots on when he has the dc & won't make plans in advance which means I can't either, atm I'm tied as there's no arrangements made regarding what he'll pay towards joint expenses either.

He has said that we can sell the family home but only verbally through his solicitor I need proof of this before I make arrangements to get it valued & talk to bank etc

Oh mammy, what an utter arse!
I'm sorry.
Will you be able to have a court order in place soon?

Curvy I would hope to get it agreed between us through our solicitors without being court ordered will see what comes of next communication from my solicitor to his.

mammy that would be better, will keep everything crossed for you

Thanks curvy

Hi Mammy, RTFT and think you are amazing. I've been there, some years ago now. Left abusive exH and became a lone parent to our 4DC.

I want to ask you something and hope you understand why. You posted a few times about your STBXH being angry with your DS and slapping him. Are you sure your ex is not assaulting your ds when he has them on his own?

I don't mean to upset you. It's just, I always thought my EXH was agrressive because of me and that once we split up, he would be calmer with the kids. Unfortunately he ended up assaulting both my son's and was convicted for assualt on a minor last year.

I would try to get DS some support as soon as possible, rather than later. My DC had counselling at their school and also through a charity.

I don't know colly dd said last night he was angry because they locked his phone yesterday. I asked what happened then & she said oh we got it sorted out.

Thanks for reading the full thread.
Does your ex see any of the children now?

I would keep a close eye on the children, I'm sure you do anyways but I genuinely thought my ex would never hurt my kids and I was wrong.

He does see them again now, supervised after a year of parenting classes and plans with social work. I hate it because I am certain he will do it again but they want to see him so I have to go along with it.

@Colly I try to find out about what happens with him without quizzing so that they close up on me.