I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

Promise you won’t be alone in the house when you end it. You never know how people will react.

It’s gloves off when people divorce.

You’re half way through your prospective ‘ three score and ten years ‘

Only YOU can make the changes to make the second half, happier for you and your children.....

Best wishes.

Fluffy our au pair will be there.
Thanks serial cheat

Today is D Day, we're all home on a snow day, we can have our fun with dc & snow and in the afternoon/evening I'll tell him

Dc were up at 7 they came in to me, looked out window at snow and would've been happy to cuddle up for a few hours as we planned. Instead he came in told them about snow and took them downstairs to start the day. Leave Mammy in peace

He's just brought up breakfast to me because everyone's having breakfast now. I'm an adult I get to decide when I'll have breakfast.

This is all a lead up to I'm sorry and usual shit like that. Too little too late I'm afraid for me.

If anything happens ring the Garda. Good luck.

We're all here for you mammy. He probably senses your tolerance has just run right out, and may well be a dream today. And then when you tell him you'll get, "how ungrateful are you, we've had such a good day today" as you say, too little too late, and the egg shells in between the good days are like walking on lego.

Having another adult in the house is a jolly good idea. Just in case.

Good luck @Mammy

Happy Birthday and good decision.
Start planning. By your 36th birthday all of the change, announcements, shock, change, chaos, upset and the worst of his bad feeling will hopefully be behind you. Men like this don't let you go easily because being an arsehole to you is such an excellent coping mechanism for them. So it'll be hard to get free but it is worth it. Don't get caught up in endless discussions because they're all obfuscation.

Congratulations. Your realisation is the start of your new life.
I was also 35. Now divorced it was the best decision I made.

I am just chiming in to say that changing schools is not the overwhelming, massive obstacle that it can feel like beforehand. I had a similar epiphany on my 36th birthday btw. When I left I applied to a few schools in Ireland as it was a total relocation for us. What shocked me was how 'easy' it was in practical terms. I channeled the energy that had gone in to walking on egg shells around him in to making all the practical arrangements and obviously strangers are civil and helpful so it all fell in to place for us. My dc1 started at new school. Hold on to your job. You will be OK. You have your children, your Mum who knows you deserve better and you have a good job. You can do it. I bet your Mum will be delighted for you and your kids that they won't be growing up in that toxic atmosphere now.

Thinking of you Mammy. You’re way too young to put up with this situation. Well done on your decision to remedy this for you and your kids.

Lonely that's exactly the reaction I'm expecting, but what about all the good days he's ruined will be my reply.

Fluffy I will & my bil's fiancé is home next door too

Billy that's a great way of looking at it
Mna I feel even better since I decided too

Am thinking about you today mammy just take care. dont try and leave the house in this weather if you can help it either, but do keep yourself safe.x

Thanks laska it won't come to that but our roads are passable anyhow

So I told him and we're no further along than this morning.

Don't forget that you don't need his permission or his approval.

I delayed my own exit for years going round in circles trying to get my x to agree that I had the right to leave! He was never going to agree that I had the right to leave. I didn't 100% realise that I didn't need his approval though. Bit confusing at the time.

I hope you're safe.

Excuse my post. You know that.

Thanks mna
He kept circling around to telling the children there and then that I wanted mammy & daddy to break up.
I want to get proper advice first on how to do this.
He even called them in to sit down to tell them goading me to say it tell them what you said to me.

He's already had one marriage dissolve this way.

Your children are being damaged by him.
In time they will realise that. What a nasty man.
Let this prove that your feelings are right.

Well no ones going to take it well and it was probably the last thing he expected you to do.

But it’s done now.

mammy, I'm not the expert in these matters but do you mind if I stick around and give you some moral support anyway, just in a friendly 'known' you a long time kind of a way.

I know what you deserve and should expect to receive from a marriage and I also know you are a strong and intelligent woman who can survive perfectly well with the dc on your own. Xx

Menu plan for the week

Ha ha, wrong thread!! Just ignore that, I'll get it taken down

Hi OP, seems like we are in the same boat but I'm 11 years further down the road. I can, hand on heart tell you it doesn't get any better.
You have to think about you, retain your independence and strength because otherwise you'll end up brow beaten and numb to their abusive behaviour......that's where I'm at. Looks like we both came to a turning point yesterday. You're not on your own.