I'm 35 today I've realised my marriage is over

[mammymammyIRL]

Dh emotionally abuses me.
He shouted at me & shoved me in front of our four year old ds for the last time on Sunday morning.
I don't want my 7 year old dd growing up seeing her parents not getting along
I don't want them to think Daddy's getting cross with Mammy is normal or ok

I can't do the rest of my life living like this.

Just found this thread. And wanted to say how strong you are.. 🙌
Sending you a hug.. X

Thanks ladybird
I do feel strong because I know it's the right decision for me and my children long term

Long weekend here, extra long when he is acting like this isn't happening.
We have a night away booked with dc tomorrow night, a voucher given by his family. He's not mentioned it thankfully & I won't be bringing it up.
He's stepping into role of fun dad with gusto, and participating more with them than ever before. Acting like the perfect husband I guess hoping I'll change my mind. I won't. Took dc to parade today, taking them to cinema on his own tomo. All previous cinema trips have been organised by me. All under the guise of Mammy is sick, let you have a rest, you deserve it and need it, you've had this flu for ages now, same flu that he said was in my head a few weeks ago.

How long before this is thrown back in my face I wonder?! 

When it suits him but it doesn’t matter. The mask will slip.

Exactly fluffy I'm not fooled by it or taken in at all.

So told my other brother today.
Now my parents, siblings, a close friend at work & three childhood friends know.

Well he’s going to look pretty silly soon if he doesn’t acknowledge it.

Only one person I've told lives near us.
DD's birthday party next month will be very interesting if he hasn't started to accept it by then.

Another friend who I am on a round robin email with decked that something was up with me yesterday.
She text separately to know if I was ok, and we arranged to talk by phone last night.
I told her about my decision too.

Things are just coasting here, he's still acting like nothings happened

Well this will cost him dearly in the long run.

What will you do?

mammy you are doing fab. You are such a strong woman

I honestly don't know fluffy
Next week I'm applying for a safety order, so that will show to him that this is serious, how long that process takes I'm not sure but I'll get it started next week.

I'm expecting the mediation process to fail but at the same time it's my best hope too.

thanks lifelong still using mfp too [superwoman]

Hi mammmy, just wanted to say that you may have gotten a weak link in the chain when you rang wa (it's always a danger with volunteers). It might be worth ringing them back at a different time.

Thanks jane I did think that too.

You are doing better than me then. I'm logging but it's all gone to shit. Protein, fibre and steps totally off.

Hi mammy just saying hello! I was wondering how it wa!!s all going but thinking you hadn't mentioned it ! . Duh ! its this thread.. I am glad you are approaching this calmly and logically.. ( even if it might not always feel like it to you!) . sounds like you are definitely doing the right thing.

One question? Why would his grown up children have any effect on your house? Are they still under 18 and so dependents?

Lifelong steps I'm not hitting at all but calories protein & fibre are there or thereabouts every day

Laska I don't want to take up the other thread with this crap 💩
I think I'm doing quite well with being reasonable logical & rational while getting my ducks in a row so to speak.

The only irrational thing I've been doing is peeking in windows of houses that are for sale locally, well in a ten mile radius, I think it keeps me going thinking of the future, even though that may continue to be in this house also.

The free legal aid solicitor just said that morally they need to be looked after in the shakedown of our property. I don't get why and they're all well over the age of 18 and not a product of our marriage at all, it doesn't make any sense to me, and I was so shocked by it that night I didn't quiz her about it.

I'm going to peek at your diary then.

It does seem odd having to cater for over 18 children? It's not like they are in full time education or dependants. Definitely worth asking again on that one.

mammy , actually its quite logical to think of another house.. especially as he also has the house next door. Your own space, your own things decorated how you want, no reminders.. I know its a little way down the line yet but when i did it it was like walking into a Spring season of a new era (if that's no too soppy a notion!). and nothing to remind me of where previous rows and nastiness happened.. i hope he is n t being too nasty to you at the moment, it is wearing but you are strong!!

lifelong I really don't get why they would and am definitely going to keep that gem to myself unless I have to face up to it.

Diary isn't perfect but it's ok, steps are the next step pardon the pun

laska I've even calculated what my mortgage would be if I was to buy a certain cottage which is near to dc's school and about 5 miles from my current house! It's ready to move into but would need a kitchen fitout but not an immediate concern and IKEA all the way! And I wouldn't be paying much more than my share of the mortgage depending on what would be my share of our current home if it sells.

If I was to take on our current mortgage, it'd cost the same as this little cottage plus I'd have to pay him off too I guess so that would make it quite expensive.
I definitely know that feeling you mean. We first lived in his family home from his previous marriage so surrounded by someone else's things and stuff, then in his parents home with similar issues so our own house gave me that sense of freedom that no one had previously inhabited. However if I'm to stay on there, it would still have 'our' history whereas a new place would be all mine, fresh to make new memories in that don't include him at all.

JUst read your updates mammy you sound so calm and collected during what must be an incredibly stressful time.

Xx

I am em but the madness hasn't kicked off yet though.

I need to start seriously decluttering too. Will make things easier next time around.

H has suggested visiting family weekend after next, guess it'll be my first weekend at home without dc ever.
I'm happy in my own company but it's just a first.

Signed up for freedom programme today too

That is a big milestone mammy. Are your planning on doing anything yourself that weekend?