Met a guy, do I message him or not?

[paleontologist22]

Early last week I had an overnight stay at a hotel in town due to a works event. In the residents bar at night, I got chatting to a guy who was also there on work. We hit it off and got on like a house on fire. Around 4am he said he had to get some sleep as had to be up early. I said bye to him but he said he would see me at breakfast and maybe we could swap phone numbers then and keep in touch. I ended up sleeping straight through breakfast and therefore never saw him again.

Now I know his full name, and I've found him on social media (yes I googled him!). Would it be really stalkerish of me to send him a quick message? Just to say something like oh thanks for keeping us company, let me know if you're ever in this part of the country again?

Or do I just leave it and forget about him? I mean he was just a guy. And he actually lives in another country so I don't think anything would ever really happen but I just haven't been able to stop thinking about him and how well we got on or even how attracted I was to him!

People will come along to tell you todo it but personally I find people on here say it knowing they never would and just for entertainment. Don't do it!! It's very stalkerish. It wasn't meant to be.

Did you sleep with him or kiss him or anything like that? If not, then I would send a quick message. I'd check (as far as I could) that he wasn't married, though.

And surely if he was that keen he would have took your number there and then?

Send it.

I’m a cynic but if he wanted to swap numbers he didn’t need to wait til breakfast.. what’s the betting he didn’t make breakfast either?!

I wouldn’t message him but I’m a chronic avoider of sticking my neck out! If you’d be ok with not hearing back then just do it, you have nothing to lose and only risk a little knock to the pride if he doesn’t respond.

Life is too short for what ifs. Message him.

Pretend you’re a guy and do what a guy would do if he found a girl he liked.

It’s not stalkerish to message him. It’s only stalkerish if he doesn’t respond and you keep pushing it.

If it's on Facebook, then say he came up as a suggested friend & you thought you'd message him.

What do you expect to happen if you message him, when he lives in a different country?

I think you’ve made this into a potentially amazing relationship in your head. But if he thought the same he’d have asked for your number there and then - it’s a bit weird to say I’ll ask for it at breakfast tomorrow.

No kissing or anything like that. We just really seemed to hit off. Both single, I mean that's if the word of a stranger is to be believed!

Well he said he really needed sleep and hadn't planned to be awake till that late as he was working the Friday, he got up to leave, I said nice to meet you etc and he said oh no we can meet for breakfast in the morning and we agreed a time to meet. I then stayed awake with colleagues for another few hours therefore ended up sleeping through our agreed time to meet.

I also hate sticking my neck out and would never dream of messaging first but part of me does wish I had the nerve to be more gutsy in life!

I don't think it will be a relationship at all, I mean he does live in another country and only comes back to UK every so often. He isn't even local to me or where I live, I just thought it may be a nice thing to do.

But after reading some of the responses, I don't think I will!

Honestly he would have asked for your number then and there if he wanted it, maybe he was just being polite.

Go for it, nothing to lose!

Message him!!!

A similar thing happened to a family member, and the guy spent ages trying to track her down (before Facebook). They’ve now been married just over 20 years and have two amazing children.

And maybe he’s thinking that you’re not interested in him because you missed your breakfast date.

Just message him apologising for missing it. If he doesn’t respond nothing lost.

I would definitely send him a message to apologise for not turning up. I think it was a bit rude not to, to be honest.

I'm amazed you stayed up for hours later than 4 am - weren't you meant to be working the next day?

How far away does he live?

I feel like I'm just giving all the details away on the internet..

but the reason he didn't get my phone number then was because there was such a large loud group of us (30+), he asked for it as he was getting up to leave and a few of both our colleagues around us overheard and started drunkenly whooping and cheering. With all eyes on the both of us, we were both slightly uncomfortable with all the attention, he just said I'll get it at breakfast if you will be there. We agreed a time to have breakfast and as I mentioned I slept through.

But yes I don't think I will message him!

Noooooooo - you must message him! Just send a polite messaging saying it had been great to meet him and you're so sorry you slept through breakfast.

@MyBrilliantDisguise everyone from my company had been gifted the morning off due to attending the event the night before. Stupidly I stayed up until 7am, no wonder I missed breakfast! I don't even drink, I just didn't want to miss out on all the fun the others were having.

Just add him on Facebook. That's not weird and a normal thing to do. Apologise for sleeping through breakfast and tell him you hope he wasn't too tired for work the next day.

That's nice and friendly and the kind of contact you would have made if it was any person you'd met who you thought was friendly.

How often do you get to meet a really nice man that you click with? If you meet them regularly, then by all means don't get in touch with him. If you don't, then get in touch!

I think it's the fact that we clicked so much which made me think I might message him. Never really thought that with any other guy before!

I did feel like I've talked myself out of messaging him, I'd hate to come across as a stalker type

Of course you're not stalking him! You met him, had a good conversation, slept through when you'd said you'd meet him and now you should just say hello and apologise.

I'm thinking of my son, I suppose! He's in his 20s and doesn't meet many women. If he met someone and really liked her, he'd be so disappointed if she didn't turn up. And then if she didn't say hello on FB either, I know he'd be upset - he would probably feel that as you didn't turn up, you weren't interested.

No harm in sending a friend request on FB with an apology for not showing up. That wouldn't seem stalkerish if you stood him up.