NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Oliking maybe he did believe that he had all those feelings but when the sh*t hit the fan he realised he didn't want it. There was a thread on here recently and the woman realised when her OM left his wife that in actual fact she wanted to stay with her husband.

[seshi]

Just checking in and wanted to say @star welcome... I am also appalled... But this is your safe haven... These women are awesome... We will help you x I can't believe he has acted so bad..? Oh he's a man tho isn't he...!?? Stupid me....

Seriously this is a fabulous thread... You will feel better

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

It is the most fabulous thread and a lifeline

[Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname]

belonger Also basseting, who wants to waste time on a man who thinks 3 inches is a lot?? My first thought too hahahahaha....

starlight that is just dreadful ...

Had a friend today say to me " Just stop thinking about him " Excuse me now while I bang my head against the wall - maybe that will help .

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

As if it's that easy Bloody

[Belonger]

OK ladies, I'm a bit sad. And annoyed and embarrassed about being a bit sad.

[seshi]

@Bloody 😂 if only... Jesus Jones!!!

[seshi]

@belonger don't be I am so weepy today... It's part of the deal of healing... Be kind to yourself

[Ravenscloak]

Me too belonger and seshi I just can’t get him out of my head today, it’s constant. Just went to the gym and stood under a cool shower willing it to wash him away. It hasn’t worked. If I could get him out of my head I’d be so much better!

[seshi]

@ravens do you think its the effect of the full moon...? Look at my behaviour yesterday... I was like a crazy woman!!! Now just dreadfully sad...

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Don't be embarassed about being sad Belonger. I think this full moon and snow has us all half cracked

[seshi]

@nk absolutely!! It has affected all of us... Only @oldbrook is sane

[starlightafar]

I think what I am finding hard now is realising how much I have been taken the piss of. I remember he said his views weren't mainstream, and thought at the time how refreshing. He also joked about being a predator.
God what we see with hindsight.
I know I won't text again. I wouldn't be surprised with a text from him at some random point about doing any more bits of work.
I stopped the presents before xmas and thought no more. In my head it's gone, I don't think of him now I've seen his true side.
Just how to ignore as when I see a text (which will be once I am so over it, it's happened before) I instantly feel happy inside.

[anxiousnow]

Hi all. Hope you are all safe and well. Will read back and try and catch up x

[Bloodyuselessatthinkingofaname]

belonger sad is Ok , it is more than OK ! There is nothing wrong with it . Too often we are not "allowed" to be sad or angry or whatever - we "should be happy " . ALL emotions are valid and normal - it doesn't make us weak or pathetic . It only makes us human.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I very nearly messaged NC just now. I even typed it out but deleted it. Go me!

[Belonger]

Thanks everyone. It actually really helped to write it down, so lovely to be able to share my feelings here. You're all so kind.

[anxiousnow]

Welcome star and oilking. I echo the advice given by everyone already.

Oldbrook I suspect your NC doesn't like the new you not initiating or hanging on him so this is why he reeled you in. Calculated but yet still immature. You recognised his behaviour again so although it may not feel like a step forward, it is.

basseting MF is a strange one but decent. In laws don't get it do they. Do you have enough provisions in to keep you going?

Being sad is ok. Sit with it. It is cruely better than false hope. You can all get through this. Agree about moon and snow messing with things.

[Belonger]

star please don't ever blame yourself for not realising what was going on. This man is a predatory abuser I'm afraid, and clearly very good at it. He took advantage of your vulnerability in a horrible way and I hate the thought of how much he must have damaged your trust.

Have you seen another counsellor since any of this? I really hope you can trust someone else. Perhaps a female counsellor could help you get over the toxic impact he's had.

[Belonger]

star I really strongly suggest you block his number so he can't text you. You need to keep yourself safe from him. Maybe also read up about narcissistic abuse

[Belonger]

Wow, I've just come across some info about 'emotional flashbacks'. It makes sooooooo much sense to me of the disproportionate intensity of the panic I used to feel when I didn't hear from my guy. I really believe it was a flashback to abandonment feelings when I was tiny, not really about him at all. What a useful concept it is.

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

I must confess I messaged him....but it was like we had nothing to say to each other...so I'm glad I did it but sad it's come to this.

[NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5]

Sorry to hear that Mygast

[MyGastIsFlabbered]

Uh oh he's started being really nice though, I've got to be careful....I'm such a muppet