NC Dignity Club part 7: always wear your invisible crown

[Belonger]

A thread for anyone wanting support with going or staying in No Contact. No judgement, just lots of support. Warning: this thread can seriously increase your willpower and self esteem!

Recommend also visiting website from Natalie Lue, Baggage Reclaim, or reading her book The No Contact Rule.

Have had a really shit day today - just feel hopeless about my future . Feel as if I am never going to get this man out of my head . It is 3 weeks today since we messaged last . Tomorrow is Day 21. He told me he had never felt like this about anyone and I think he meant it at the time ( why did he do that when he knew he was not "free" ? ) yet he was unable to leave his current relationship ( oh yes, wife as it turned out ) as he had fucked up so much of his life and caused so much disruption to his family . The more I write the more of a self pitying weak arse he sounds , right ? I have been on WhatsApp endlessly today ...

Ah well seshi at least you still have your sense of humour in all of this !

"I feel like I have removed my own stitches lol 😂"

Did he reply to any of your messages ?

yet he was unable to leave his current relationship ( oh yes, wife as it turned out ) as he had fucked up so much of his life and caused so much disruption to his family . The more I write the more of a self pitying weak arse he sounds , right ?. Bloody, I was about to say, do you really want to be with someone who is so weak?! We are here trying really hard to make good decisions even though they’re really hard. If he isn’t prepared to do the same to be with you then he’s not as strong as you and therefore not deserving.

Love that list Oldbrook - I may have to print it out and put it on my wall!

Yes myrelationship you are 100% right and in so many other ways too just a weak unprincipled man !

oldbrook Yes that is a good list : - there are no new facts

• I will never understand the situation more than I do now without the passage of time so no point thinking about it
• as soon as the hurt is gone life will be better
• he was holding me back

For me though it should it be - I will never understand the situation more than I do now so no point thinking about it ?

This is me especially today .

@Bloody yes he did... All he kept bringing up was a work colleague of mine who he thought I was seeing.... I was literally screaming at him on what's app... He reckons he will finally speak to me properly tomorrow and tell me why its ended... He won't

Great list oldbrook.
This is such a long process. How on earth did we get into this
My nc is giving me every reason to go. And I am. It’s just drawn out. But I am becoming slightly less bothered each day. Not because of nc (because I keep breaking that ). But because none of it makes me happy. And there’s nothing left.
How are you feeling oldbrook. Are you in a better place. Maybe nc is the way to go for me too. I just keep failing.

RE being 'fierce' re stitches - not really but i am snowed ion and they need out. The A1 is shut and I cant get to a medic so just being pragmatic. Yet I cant be with my heart. Weird.

Seshi tis only the snow and the dodgy foot that stops me camping out on DOM's door step adn doing similar. ((())) xXx

oldbrook I see what you mean re the no new facts. My nc has been quite clear he cannot see me. I respect that.
I think I need to go nc as chatting just feeds it and gives new info as you say.
I haven’t spoken to him for a few days so tomorrow will be day 3 nc.

Let's face it rhubarb we don't really know even whether they are indeed FACTS - they are words coming out of their mouths . Fables, fantasies, fuck all use really !

Bloody

At 21 days NC I could absolutely have written your post word for word Have had a really shit day today - just feel hopeless about my future . Feel as if I am never going to get this man out of my head . It is 3 weeks today since we messaged last . Tomorrow is Day 21. He told me he had never felt like this about anyone and I think he meant it at the time
Mine sent me a barrage of messages on NYE, 'I love you always and forever', lots of love heart emojis etc etc, Texts like this were almost daily in that period. He was very emotionally 'present', very thoughtful, doing me practical favours of one sort or another too. Then a couple of days later she friended him on fb and that was that.

What I'm trying to say though Bloody is that at 3 weeks I was just the same but at 6 weeks I suddenly felt loads better. I feel freer, happier, lighter. I hope that gives you hope. I no longer think about the ifs and buts and accept it for what it is. The only thing that still causes me some pain is a) the possibility of running into them / seeing them together and b) the thought of future announcements that she is moving in, or they are engaged or she is pregnant etc. That would hit me like a stone. But my strategy is to assume that's how it's going to be, so that I don't give myself false hopes in my head. Tbh though, I don't have to force myself not to give myself false hopes these days, I simply don't have them and am comfortable with not having them.

oldbrook
brilliant list

seshi sending you love. Stay strong.

getting that's great it sounds like very meaningful and heartfelt communication.

Love to everyone else and stay warm!

Def a star for you oldbrook. Is the temptation waning?

@basseting thank you x

Catching up Oh seshi in a way I bet it felt quite good - so why not. And maybe you can move in with all that off your chest.

Bad day today - Dd didn’t get school she wanted and then a dear friend came round who I told about split with NC. She’s of the tough love variety who just made me cry with some hard to hear but necessary home truths ‘so how much longer are you going to be like this, how many days have you cried, it’s over, he’s made it clear etc.’ Oh well - think I was being dumped almost exactly a week ago right now! It feels so much longer than s week!!!!

Thanks for your comments partinglass. I very much hope so . . As other people said earlier today he reawakened me but now I feel as if I have nowhere to take this and wonder whether I would have been better left asleep . I'm just feeling sorry for myself and now my cat has puked a massive amount on my carpet .

@ravens big hug to you too... X serve me right from straying from here... But yes I think its probably a good thing in the long run... Like ripping a band aid off

Ah ravens other people just don't get it . A week is nothing .....sorry it's been a bad day .

You know seshi there might be some good in all of that - it's a proper end ! Probably underneath if i am totally honest I don't want to part on bad terms - whispering - yes in case he ever wants to come back . That is how low I have sunk today . There I have said it and I'm not a stupid woman - not really !

OK reading that other thread on the OW has reminded me of how shit it actually all was .Just looked at my diary and read this

"It is time to move on now from what was essentially a toxic situation . I talked myself into a scenario where we could be together despite his unsuitability . I was ready to give it a go but what would have been the reality - a liar , a cheat , sulks, moods, boozing, lack of respect , never being able to trust him "

Ah it is all coming back to me now ! Roll on Day 21 tomorrow !

Sometimes we sink further than we want with our desperation . But we recognise it now. Yes, maybe afterwards but it is different than before. A step forward even if it doesn't feel like it so seshi it is done. Hopefully in time you will relieved you gave him some home truths. Put your crown back on lovely!

basseting see you don't need these men. You are so awesomely capable without them. Removing your own stitches, i.bow down. It is scary looking for another man. There is no rush. You are realising more about the treatment you deserve and the treatment you shouldn't accept. This makes you stronger.

NK wtf is it with these men. Basically your NC doesn't have the balls you have. If he can't truly open up and show he cares he doesn't deserve you. It would be you who bore of him first. While he is still admiring you, you have scratched beneath that. I know it must be do hard but better now than before something had properly started. Has the moon caused anything your way?

oldbrook your list (except last point) could be written for me too. Thank you! Why am I stressing when there are no news facts. I can't know the answer. There is no prospect if getting the answer either. rhubard a lot of yours resonated with me too.

getting I am glad you and NC had a good chat. It sounds refreshing for a man. Any news on biologist? When is your next session?

I am ok today. I think I will have this sadness for a while but it Isn't the desperate feeling of before.

bloody I haven't seen or spoken to my trueNC since October which really does sound crazy when i write it out. Ravens so your friend would probably call in the straight jacket for me. It still hurts. You are still so early on in your journey.

So much to catch up so sorry for not addressing everyone as I start getting lost. Plus don't really have anything helpful to add as realised I am probably a lost cause if it is October I then started replacing NC with lookalike in November so think now that has recently stopped too I am trying to process both.

Hope the moon isn't being too wicked to anyone tonight and that everyone stays safe. No man can remove your crowns.