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Original poster

Partners twitter

243 replies

TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 17:39

Fairly new-ish relationship, around 4 months. It's got quite intense, quite quickly and is going well.
Just had a random glance through his Twitter (out of boredom, nothing stalky) and have discovered he follows a large number of porn stars, glamour models, girls/women who have accounts to basically pose with nothing on.

It has really, really bothered me. I know he is entitled to follow whoever he wants to but its left me feeling absolutely shit. I didn't think he was this type of man.
I look absolutely nothing like the women in these profiles, and now feel horribly inadequate.
For some reason it feels different to me to porn, as that's an outlet and and means to an end.

Is this my problem? Do I need to get over it?
I have crap self esteem anyway, this really isn't helping.

OP posts:
Helpimfalling · 23/02/2018 13:48

Well that bloody shows it all doesn't it I'm really sorry I'm sitting here with my mouth open wide blocked you how old is he six

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 23/02/2018 13:53

Oo, oo now I'm not blocked anymore.

Ridiculous

OP posts:
Boobaloo1 · 23/02/2018 14:01

Fwiw op these things should not be done over message!!! You're 37 not 17. You were sounding proper drama llama at the beginning. Calm down. What happened to talking face to face when you next see someone rather than shooting off texts?! Easier said than done I know but I promise future relationships will be better if you can manage it

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 23/02/2018 14:03

I appreciate this. However he's at work. We haven't had the opportunity to speak properly yet.

OP posts:
bitzy12 · 23/02/2018 14:08

I think this is the problem op. You have a problem with his Twitter - fair enough. But the way you've acted about it - he's got a problem now with you which is also fair enough. You both need to behave like adults and TALK calmly and rationally rather than behaving like a pair of teenagers, getting angry with each other, blocking, unblocking etc. You have to see why he might be annoyed at you op. I don't really blame him tbh. It's something that could of been dealt with much better in the first place. You may still of decided to split but it would of saved you all this extra hassle it's causing you now

AthenasOwl · 23/02/2018 14:08

I think you should just stay off his twitter for a while. For what it's worth I think he's done you a favour, you found out something early on that you don't like about him, he's refusing to talk about and being dismissive of your feelings.
I would back off and don't message him and try to regain some clarity on the situation.

TatianaLarina · 23/02/2018 14:09

A male dp demanding his female partner amend their social media as he didn't like it would get torn apart

First of all she didn’t ask him to delete them she simply said she wouldn’t have got involved with him if she’d know he was trashy.

Second, if a woman followed 30 accounts of porn stars and when confronted claimed that it was in the past despite currently following those accounts - she’d be told exactly the same thing.

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 23/02/2018 14:15

I know I could have dealt with it better. And I can see why he's angry, but its the attitude that It's my problem, and he has no part to play in addressing the issue at all that stinks.
Completely agree the blocking nonsense is utterly childish on his part. I was trying to sort it out and would have happily talked about it in person.

OP posts:
Blaablaablaa · 23/02/2018 14:27

I can really empathise with you OP.
I’m married to a wonderful man who treats me well is a great dad etc,etc.....
However, I sometimes struggle with some elements of his past and even though it all happened well before he met me and he definitely isn’t that person anymore sometimes it niggles at me and my overactive imagination.
Although, he has always been upfront and honest and he’s tried his best to understand why it bothers me even though I think he finds it surreal that I get upset about things that happened before he even knew me!
I guess how he chooses to deal with this and you will make the difference. The right thing to do would be to unfollow those accounts - especially given it’s a public profile and he’s not a teenage boy!

BodakBlue · 23/02/2018 14:37

You sound like you have some serious issues OP. Not only have you trawled through your new partners twitter and basically stalked him but you're claiming you're "in love" with him after only 4 months?! You barely know the guy! If you're not comfortable with it then leave him, but don't make him feel guilty for something he did way before you met. This sounds like its more your issue than it is him, most people who are secure with themselves wouldn't give this a second thought, I know I wouldn't. This all seems very juvenile.

CarefullyDrawnMap · 23/02/2018 15:20

Why does she need to not make him feel guilty?

What he chooses to feel and how he chooses to deal with those feelings are his own things to sort out. After all, he's the one with all the boundaries that need to be respected.

BodakBlue · 23/02/2018 15:34

Like many posters before me have said, if this was a male poster who had admitted looking through a new girlfriends social media account and trying to make them feel guilty over past actions that happened before they had even met everyone would say that he was in the wrong, and he would be. This is no different. Not only that but most people don't just trawl through peoples social media followers for the fun of it, they do it because they are looking for something, which by the sounds of it OP was and she found it.

CarefullyDrawnMap · 23/02/2018 15:42

It's twitter, it's public. She didn't say she tried to make him feel guilty. She raised valid views with him - she's entitled to think it's sleezy.

It's a double standard - you are making her responsible for his feelings and blaming her for having her own feelings.

BodakBlue · 23/02/2018 15:56

No one is saying that she is responsible for his feelings at all, however her reaction was majorly melodramatic to the situation at hand. Are you seriously saying that if you started dating a guy and he started freaking out at you over things you had done/people you had followed on social media before you had met him that would be acceptable? To me that flags up as controlling behavior and I would automatically distance myself from that person and the relationship.

MelonKim · 23/02/2018 15:59

OP you are being a twat

DatingLife · 23/02/2018 16:04

I don't know what will happen OP. But if thats the end try to chalk it down to experience. You found out that people aren't always who they appear to be? Especially if you are idealistic (perhaps)? Its a tough lesson I know. Only you really know the dynamics of your "relationship" (I hesitate to call it that after only 16 weeks) but the "DP" bit after such a short time does sound a little strange .... The "porn hound" thing, another poster mentioned it, would be pretty off-putting, if thats how this twitter activity came about. Moral of the story: always try to get to know a person better before you start to sleep with them/give them your heart.

DatingLife · 23/02/2018 16:05

People keep saying "before", but these twitter feeds are current.

CarefullyDrawnMap · 23/02/2018 16:06

You said don't make him feel guilty and trying to make them feel guilty. That kind of sounded to me like making her responsible for his feelings. If I misinterpreted that, I'm sorry.

He's also accused her of making him feel guilty. He's demanding his boundaries be respected but not taking responsibility for his own actions and whining that she's making him feel guilty.

I wouldn't be following porn on social media, so the situation wouldn't arise.

CarefullyDrawnMap · 23/02/2018 16:07

That was in response to Bodak.

CarefullyDrawnMap · 23/02/2018 16:08

And he can follow who he wants, can't he? And she can find it off putting.

Manylights · 23/02/2018 16:22

He blocked you to scare into backing down. Did it work?

He unblocked you because he is ready to go on the attack.

Prepare yourself for ridicule, mansplaining and being patronised some more.

Is he worth all this drama?

RidingWindhorses · 23/02/2018 16:31

People keep saying "before", but these twitter feeds are current

This. Do people here not understand how twitter works?

He started following them in the past, he is still following them and they are current feeds. I.e. 30 current feeds of porn stars and glamour models posting daily.

RidingWindhorses · 23/02/2018 16:32

Are you seriously saying that if you started dating a guy and he started freaking out at you over things you had done/people you had followed on social media before you had met him that would be acceptable?

He's still following them!

BodakBlue · 23/02/2018 16:41

Do you automatically unfollow every single attractive guy you follow as soon as you get in a relationship? Who actually cares, they're models. I personally follow a lot of glamour models and various attractive women as well as men on instagram because I enjoy looking at their pictures and admiring their bodies, there is nothing necessarily sexual about it.

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 23/02/2018 16:50

Just to be clear, its not just glamour models and attractive people. Much of it is extremely graphic porn.

OP posts:
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