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Relationships

Partners twitter

243 replies

TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 17:39

Fairly new-ish relationship, around 4 months. It's got quite intense, quite quickly and is going well.
Just had a random glance through his Twitter (out of boredom, nothing stalky) and have discovered he follows a large number of porn stars, glamour models, girls/women who have accounts to basically pose with nothing on.

It has really, really bothered me. I know he is entitled to follow whoever he wants to but its left me feeling absolutely shit. I didn't think he was this type of man.
I look absolutely nothing like the women in these profiles, and now feel horribly inadequate.
For some reason it feels different to me to porn, as that's an outlet and and means to an end.

Is this my problem? Do I need to get over it?
I have crap self esteem anyway, this really isn't helping.

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Ploppymoodypants · 22/02/2018 18:55

Oh I meant to say chat about prom as well and what you are okay with. I.e him watching a video/film of other people having sex might be fine, but does he follow certain porn stars, or does he use webcams? Or maybe sites like adultwork where he can chat to girls or hook ups? Only you can decide what your boundaries are. There is no right or wrong. Just what is okay for you.

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Ploppymoodypants · 22/02/2018 18:55

Sorry ‘porn’ not prom!

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Thingsdogetbetter · 22/02/2018 18:56

I'd be interested in what he thinks changed him from 'trashy' then to 'not trashy' now? Surely if he had an some kind of 'feminist awakening' he would have unfollowed them? Sounds like he's just saying it to make himself sound better tp you. Unless he can back up this change with a logical reason then obviously he hasn't changed.

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LizzieSiddal · 22/02/2018 18:56

ploppy that’s very good advice.

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TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 18:56

We have discussed strip clubs etc and he's said he wouldn't visit them and finds men who do tragic.
We've also discussed porn and he's said that he thinks about it differently now to when he was younger and sees that it creates unhealthy attitudes to sex.
So you can see where my confusion is coming from...

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FancyNewBeesly · 22/02/2018 19:04

I’d think he was a grotty misogynist and I wouldn’t want anything to do with him. I don’t want to be in a relationship with a man who views women like that. If that narrows my pool, oh well.

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TidyLike · 22/02/2018 19:20

My new man, who I'm totally head over heels with, made a comment recently about having fantasies about other women. He said it in the context of 'these are unappealing about me so you can decide if you don't like me after all'. I'm not over the moon about this (I don't have fantasies about other men) but I'm willing to tolerate the fact that we are different, and that doesn't necessarily imply anything about his commitment to me. I'm not saying this in a 'you shouldn't care about this' way, but am just trying to introduce the perspective that it needn't be the end of the world if other aspects of the relationship are good. My own view is that I'd rather he was open about such things than that he kept it secret from me.

As for porn, as others have said, it's up to you to decide what your boundaries are. To give you some perspective though, I quite like watching porn. I have no interest in having sex with, or talking to, the people in it. I don't compare them to my wonderful new man. So, an interest in porn doesn't have to be a threat. It sounds like you and he have only spoken briefly about this - could you have a proper chat about it, and find out what he gets from it?

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Pseudousername · 22/02/2018 19:20

I've been here OP with a boyfriend who had been very single for a very long time before me.

Ask him to unfollow the small percentage and move on.

If he agrees, great, if he refuses, then you know that his wank bank is more important than his physical girlfriend's feelings and you move on.

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TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 19:27

The thing is, for some reason I don't feel as strongly about the porn thing (ethics aside, but that's a whole different debate) as it would be a means to an end iyswim. I'm not massively comfortable with porn per se, but I can get past that, I think.

Its the fact that on a daily basis when he's scrolling through his Twitter, I would imagine there would be many posts popping up. Its the casual titillation in the middle of the day that's bothering me. Whilst knowing is in (what I think) is a committed relationship.
Doesn't say a lot about his respect for me does it? Angry

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TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 19:28

*he is in

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prettywhiteguitar · 22/02/2018 19:30

You can see what he's favourited and see if he's messaging or tweeting them ? I think it would spell out what kind of man he is. You don't really know him

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BeenThereDating · 22/02/2018 19:47

My problem would be that it's easy to turn over a new leaf in the early days when everything's shiny and new and sex is plentiful. What happens when you have a row? What happens when work's getting you down and the bills need sorting? Will he go back to being trashy? Only you can decide where your boundaries are.

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TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 20:00

From what I can see, he's not tweeted or messaged any of them.

I've gone and bloody fallen in love with him. What do I do now?? Fuck fuck fuck

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VitriolicMuse · 22/02/2018 20:07

It wouldn’t really enter a man’s head to cleanse his Twitter before entering into a relationship. I’m sure if he knew how offended you’d be he would have just deleted the bloody thing. You should really just give him a chance to fix things before dumping him poor guy.

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fantasmasgoria1 · 22/02/2018 20:10

There was a couple like this on my oh Twitter. Cam girls to be exact. No actual activity in that regard for a year before I met him. I told him that didn’t match who he is with me and he showed me that it was only occasional and has deleted Twitter as he did not really use it four years worth of Twitter could be gone through in ten minutes! You have to communicate with him on this . I saw it a year in and his last tweet was two years ago! Ploppy has good ideas! But communication is always the way.

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AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/02/2018 20:11

How often are they posting? If they are dormant accounts he may not have seen anything from them in a while; and forgotten about them

If they're active, and so is he, that's much more unlikely and I'd conclude he was very aware he was still following them, so he probably doesn't think they're "trashy".

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Angelf1sh · 22/02/2018 20:12

If he’s following circa 2000 accounts then it’s perfectly possible that these 30 or so never appear on his timeline and so he’s forgotten he is following them. If you don’t interact with an account much then I think the algorithm sort of “hides” it from you in favour of accounts you usually respond to. Additionally, pornbots are notorious for inserting themselves into your follow lists , so it’s pmausi he hasn’t actively chosen to follow this many.

Ultimately it’s a matter for you to decide if it’s a problem, it’s not for us to say if we think you’re over or underreacting. This wouldn’t be an issue for me, but it clearly is for you. Only you can know if you can move past it.

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Angelf1sh · 22/02/2018 20:13

“Pmausi” was supposed to say “plausible” Grin

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TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 20:28

How do i find out if the accounts are active? He is active on Twitter, posting a few times a week

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TheLegendOfBeans · 22/02/2018 20:34

Yeah, this would give me the "ick". It's like you've met a lovely guy and find he's quite evidently flaunting his porn fandom and you know that all these accounts have links on them so is he basically a big porn fiend?

I would also be wary of the "going off the rails after a bad break up" thing...nowt like shifting the blame onto the ex for your own bad behaviour.

Be careful. And FFS listen to your gut. I'm old enough and ugly enough to tell you it don't lie.

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TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 20:41

I don't really suspect anything dodgy regarding his break up, it sounded horrible and he hasn't really given me any reason to doubt there's anything untoward going on there.
But yeah, it's likely he's a massive porn fiend isn't it?? Brilliant.

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esk1mo · 22/02/2018 20:45

this was me in 2013. it was like a punch to the gut when i saw. he unfollowed them all but months later i unlocked his ipad to find a glamour models twitter page.

months after that he paid one of these women for a skype session, doing youknowwhat on camera.

me being young and “in love” forgave him as it wasnt real life.

4 years later he met a prostitute Smile

get rid.

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TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 20:48

Oh my god.
Can I actually ask that he deletes them??
Is that controlling??

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princesssparkle1 · 22/02/2018 20:57

Oh my god.
Can I actually ask that he deletes them??
Is that controlling??

Yes I think it is. For a relationship to work I think you have to love who he is. Trying to stop him being someone because it makes you feel bad, won't work. Imo of course

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TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 21:10

I just can't help but think if the shoe was on the other foot and I was following hot men with massive dicks he would have something to say about it.

Not that I would.
Because it's fucking tragic.

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