Partners twitter

[TheRoadToEverywhere]

Fairly new-ish relationship, around 4 months. It's got quite intense, quite quickly and is going well.
Just had a random glance through his Twitter (out of boredom, nothing stalky) and have discovered he follows a large number of porn stars, glamour models, girls/women who have accounts to basically pose with nothing on.

It has really, really bothered me. I know he is entitled to follow whoever he wants to but its left me feeling absolutely shit. I didn't think he was this type of man.
I look absolutely nothing like the women in these profiles, and now feel horribly inadequate.
For some reason it feels different to me to porn, as that's an outlet and and means to an end.

Is this my problem? Do I need to get over it?
I have crap self esteem anyway, this really isn't helping.

[C0untDucku1a]

It isnt too late sadie. You still have choices.

[C0untDucku1a]

Youve known him four months. You do barely know him. Thats not an insult that you should find unfair. It is a fact. It is the numbers. You only know what he has allowed you to know. Now youre finding thongs out beyond his control, you dont like what he is. You dont love him. You dont know him yet. You have low self esteem and want to be in a loving relationship. Four months is very soon in a relationship.

[AlaskaSometimes]

I’d be super upset if someone trawled through my Twitter follows to stalk like you did. That’s awful.

30/2000 attractive women? He never tweets at, likes or expresses grossness? He’s posted about social issues and politics?

You are the one with the issue. You framed it in your op as if he was a twitter creep, not that he’s followed 30 odd accounts of sexual/attractive women over years and 2000 others.

[Winosaurus]

Hang on... so you stalked his twitter account and found likes waaayyyyy down the list of thousands of other followed pages and have got angry with him about it? Porn isn’t illegal and unless you’ve actively told him you don’t want him to view pornographic images and he said he wouldn’t then he’s done absolutely nothing wrong.
If you don’t like men who look at pictures of naked women that’s fine... but I can see why he’s pissed off and feeling humiliated.
Honestly you sound like a bit of a nut job

[TheRoadToEverywhere]

Why is it awful? I've not hacked into anything or done anything underhand.
It's there for everyone to see. It's open.

And it's a bit more than "attractive women"

[Winosaurus]

Also if a man stalked his gf’s social media accounts and then had a go at her for having followed/liked things he didn’t approve of before she’d even met him then everyone would be screaming “he’s controlling! LTB”

[TheRoadToEverywhere]

No stalking involved. Idle curiosity.
And they weren't waaaaaaay down the list.
Where have you got that from?

[Winosaurus]

Because it’s a bit stalkerish and odd to be honest. Whether it’s public or not, why were you looking through it? What were you trying to find?
It’s bizarre

[Winosaurus]

ToRoad because you said you thought they weren’t recent as they were quite a bit down the list?

[TheRoadToEverywhere]

He'd mentioned before funny people he follows on there so I had a look.
I wasn't trying to find anything.

[Winosaurus]

Why are you so bothered by it? Is it something morally you don’t agree with? Have you ever mentioned you don’t like porn to him?

[TheRoadToEverywhere]

Like I said last night, porn is one thing, to have a wank.
But this just strikes me as tragic.
Do you really need your day punctuated with tits and the rest?

[sadiesnakes]

Looking at your partners twitter isn't stalking, talk about a massive overreaction. It's perfectly normal to look at partners, friends, family's twitter accounts, their follows, etc.. it's called social media for a reason? Op has every right to look at her partners twitter account.

[AdalindSchade]

He won't necessarily see posts from them regularly if he doesn't interact with them. But they are there and he probably sees some.
He's got the wrong idea about why you're upset. It's not that he should 'apologise' for something he did before he met you, it's that the fact that he is the type of person to follow porn accounts on twitter makes you feel ick.

[himynameiss]

@TheRoadToEverywhere

Oh love, my current husband was into all this trashy stuff before we met. When we got serious I just deleted or unfollowed all of them on his Facebook. Surprisingly he deleted snapchat. My husband was in a long relationship for 7 years form age of 17/18 - 23/24 so he missed out on playing he field ect... he broke up with her and went on a complete alpha male mission to shag as many people he could to get it all
Out of his system. We are honest with each other he’s done stuff I wouldn’t possibly have him a second look if I would have known before hand but hey, I love him and that’s his character and I completely trust he wouldn’t do anything with anyone and trust me I don’t look like those models especially after our two children. Go on holiday!!!!!!!

[Winosaurus]

The looking isn’t necessarily the weird behaviour, it’s your reaction to it when even you admitted you thought it’s likely from before you met each other. That’s the overreaction.
Just ask him to delete them if it bothers you that much? Let him know that if you can see them then so can his family/employers/friends etc too and you find it a bit humiliating

[TheRoadToEverywhere]

Because it’s a bit stalkerish and odd to be honest. Whether it’s public or not, why were you looking through it? What were you trying to find?
It’s bizarre

[TheRoadToEverywhere]

Bold fail.

[LemonShark]

Sorry but I agree with your boyfriend when he says He said he shouldn't be made to feel like he has something to apologise for to someone he didn't even know then

It's the equivalent of a new boyfriend trawling through all two thousand photos of her on Facebook and then kicking off about behaviour he doesn't like that she did before she even met him, maybe kicking off cos she once posed with an Abercrombie male model in the store, or she put bikini photos up, or photos of her hammered, whatever it is. We would rightly be saying massive red flags, run from this guy!

The fact you went to the effort of trawling through all two thousand of his followers to check individually if they were glamour accounts is concerning. A normal response would have been to notice a few then speak to him. Ask whether he keeps up with their posts and what made him add them, and when. To get an accurate picture. Around 1.5% of his follows are these accounts!

It's fine for you to decide you don't want to be with a man who follows or has ever followed adult accounts on twitter, absolutely. Draw that boundary and walk away, you have every right to. But he is absolutely right to be annoyed and disappointed that his new gf of a few months is unable to approach him about something calmly like an adult and instead gets upset, invests the time it would take to assess every single one of his followers, and then sit and drink because she's so hurt! He has nothing to apologise for and you've fucked up the chance to sort out your first slight disagreement/difference of opinion/difficult conversation being so melodramatic. If I were him I'd be reconsidering the relationship, he's right to assert himself and not go straight into trying to placate you and apologise (for what? He's done nothing wrong. It's just a difference in what you both find acceptable but neither is wrong).

If it'd happened to me I'd probably have teased him about it (and how hope he likes that all his friends can see who he wanks to) and let it go. If he added them while with me I'd find that disrespectful. But before he met me? What's wrong with that? And it's not usual to get into a new relationship then suddenly start assessing all of your social media history to ensure there's nothing dubious on there. If he'd followed a few porn stars no big deal, he probably liked some videos he saw them in. He could access their twitter whether he followed them or not so not sure what him deleting it all would achieve.

But I'm secure in myself, we both watch porn, I'm happy with how I look mostly and secure that he fancies the pants off me and vice versa. So it's no threat. I think you were spot on earlier that you need to work on your low self esteem as that's the key to why this has bothered you so much and why you've handled it this poorly imo. And it's so early for you two. That's on you to improve and work on, not him.

[LemonShark]

him "When we got serious I just deleted or unfollowed all of them on his Facebook." with his permission, right?

[BoobleMcB]

I personally think you're massively over reacting. And I think this massive reaction will do more damage to your relationship than any error of judgement on his part.

Why couldn't you just ask him about it instead of this over reaction?

FWIW I don't think he's done anything wrong, doesn't mean you have to like it though. But that's why you needed to communicate

[LemonShark]

I'm also sad that the first couple pages of replies egged you on by saying you were in the right and he's gross etc leading to you feeling vindicated and then probably being even more of a tool to him. I wish people had calmed you down a little and put it into perspective before you carried on with him about it. Totally respect that PP were entitled to their views and posted them to be supportive but can't help but feel it made it all a lot worse.

[Winosaurus]

What was your point in reiterating what I wrote? It was stalkerish behaviour but your reaction to it is the worst bit.
Just chill out a bit

[bitzy12]

I honestly think you've handled this abit wrong. Yeah I wouldn't be best pleased if I found it but if he followed them before you then what's your problem? Id understand if he did it while he was with you but if this is before.....well we all have a past. I understand you not being pleased with it (I don't think any of us would) but I would of casually mentioned it in a conversation. Hopefully he would of got the gist that it made you uncomfortable and unfollowed them. He's only following them, actually tweeting them would be way worse.

Basically what I'm saying is yes you have a right to be upset but it looks like he followed these women way before he met you and he isn't in direct contact with any of them so it could be way worse.

[himynameiss]

@LemonShark your just condescending go and watch porn and enjoy your fantastic life (why are you on here if your life is so f fantastic)