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Original poster

Partners twitter

243 replies

TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 17:39

Fairly new-ish relationship, around 4 months. It's got quite intense, quite quickly and is going well.
Just had a random glance through his Twitter (out of boredom, nothing stalky) and have discovered he follows a large number of porn stars, glamour models, girls/women who have accounts to basically pose with nothing on.

It has really, really bothered me. I know he is entitled to follow whoever he wants to but its left me feeling absolutely shit. I didn't think he was this type of man.
I look absolutely nothing like the women in these profiles, and now feel horribly inadequate.
For some reason it feels different to me to porn, as that's an outlet and and means to an end.

Is this my problem? Do I need to get over it?
I have crap self esteem anyway, this really isn't helping.

OP posts:
TheLegendOfBeans · 22/02/2018 21:17

(prays that for justice for the
OP's sake there's a Twitter handle of @hotguyswithmassivedicks)

Angelf1sh · 22/02/2018 21:21

^ if I need an alibi for my search history, this is it. I’ve just checked twitter and it’s not there, so the OP is out of luck 😂😂

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 21:22

Thanks beans you've made me laugh when I've sat here all night with a face on.

The internet really has a lot to answer for

OP posts:
bobstersmum · 22/02/2018 21:34

Right op, get this in context! I wouldn't be best pleased myself and as a married woman with little kids I would absolutely demand he unfollowed them! But this is a new relationship and as others have said he may not realise they are still on there (I don't fully understand twitter) BUT even if he does, he's not chatting to them, and may not actually look at the pictures as part of everyday life, maybe if he does look at them he does it when he wants a wank? Is that not OK? As then only like porn really? To be honest I don't think this is worth throwing your relationship away. Definitely sit down and talk about things.

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 21:43

I've stupidly had a drink now, so wouldn't be wise to talk to him about it at the moment.
Really wish I was one of these people who let things like this go over their head.
I think I need to work on my self esteem...

OP posts:
DannyLaRuesBestFrock · 22/02/2018 21:46

It would be too much of a turn off for me. The gathering of wank fodder. Urgh. No thanks.

I couldn't respect him.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 22/02/2018 21:53

I had exactly the same happen to me and it was like I could never view him in the same light again. He just wasn’t the same person that I thought he was at all and I knew then that we weren’t actually compatible.

Just like I know that for me, if a man I were chatting too was to send me a dick pic, I would know for sure he wasn’t the one for me. Other people may think that’s fine and or send them back, but no, not for me thank you.

And I knew that him taking the time to seek out these page 3 models and porn stars to follow meant
A) he knew their names and I’d never heard of them so they weren’t exactly ‘famous’ except in the tabloid newspaper or porn worlds which probably meant be watched loads of porn and got page three. Ug
B) he wasn’t for me.

PamDooveOrangeJoof · 22/02/2018 21:55

To me it’s not a self esteem issue. It’s just a ‘kind of person you are’ issue.

Why should it be ‘your’ problem. There’s nothing wrong with you!

Like I wouldn’t date a man who bought ‘Nuts’ or ‘Zoo’. We would fundamentally not be compatible

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 22/02/2018 21:58

How do i find out if the accounts are active?

Go back to his followers list and have a look at their most recent tweets. Are they all quite recent; or are some of them inactive?

I'd take that, in conjunction perhaps with the fact that he should delete them now he's been reminded of them if he really doesn't look at them, to make my decision from.

midnightmisssuki · 22/02/2018 22:10

OP - the main thing is YOU are uncomfortable with it, it doesn’t matter what anyone else says or thinks. If you cannot get over this then I think you need to have a serious think about the relationship. There is nothing wrong with what he’s doing per se, but I think once you start a relationship and the other person becomes uncomfortable with certain things and wants to to change, that’s where things get messy, on the one hand you don’t want to seem controlling, but on the other hand - you’re in a relationship now so certain things will have to be compromised to fit each other. You don’t like it and that’s ok - tell him and take it from there. Good luck.

Thymeout · 22/02/2018 22:27

I think you need to read up on the difference between men and women's response to sexual stimuli. Men tend to be more visual and also need to masturbate more, even when they're in a relationship. What turns a particular man on for private sex often has nothing to do with what he finds attractive in real life. It can be fixed v early on in his sexual development as a teenager.

It sounds as if these tweets are historic. I don't know why he has them on his Twitter feed. Ask him. They might just have popped up and he was using them instead of a stack of Playboys or going on to a porn site.

Tbh, I think this is private territory and you've overstepped a line. It's early in your relationship to need to know every single thing that goes on in his head or what he does in private. Actually, even in a long relationship I think it's his own business.

He obviously finds you attractive and that's all you need to know.

LizzieSiddal · 22/02/2018 22:41

He obviously finds you attractive and that's all you need to knowHmm

Yes, be a good girl, shut up, don’t ask questions, he fancies you that’s all you need to know.

Well you can fuck right off with that attitude.

PatsyClineSilVousPlait · 22/02/2018 22:47

A man here.

I've never got these Twitter accounts as its an oddly public way of accessing titillating images. Twitter is the last place that'd cross my mind for those.

Only you have the context of knowing what the guy is actually like. I would think less of someone for following those sorts, but ditto for someone who'd wade through 2,000 of my follows. Nether's a great look.

JaniceBattersby · 22/02/2018 22:47

*To me it’s not a self esteem issue. It’s just a ‘kind of person you are’ issue.

Why should it be ‘your’ problem. There’s nothing wrong with you!

Like I wouldn’t date a man who bought ‘Nuts’ or ‘Zoo’. We would fundamentally not be compatible*

This. He might be a nice guy, but for me the issue would be that I just can’t stand this type of stuff and if he could then he wouldn’t be the guy for me. Sorry OP. Not all men are like that.

newmum2018385 · 22/02/2018 23:09

Whilst it would upset me. I'm not sure I would end it. I'm trying to see it from his point of view if he started following them before he met you so to me it's not an insult to you. My BIL follows a lot of glamour models and porn stars on social media and either his wife isn't bothered or doesn't realise.
If you really like him don't rush into ending it. Has he ever given you any other reason to think he's a sleaze? Do you think he would deleted them?

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 23:16

Ok, update.

He's pissed off that I've brought it up. He now feels humiliated and embarrassed and that he's not like that anymore.
This is fine, but It feels a bit like its all about him and not really any thought to how it looks to me

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 22/02/2018 23:19

you've admitted you have low self Esteem, and have fallen in love with a guy you barely know after only four months. These two things aRe issues.

He has shown you a litrle of Who he is and you dont like it. Low self esteme will keep you there trying to get past it. There will be something else.

C0untDucku1a · 22/02/2018 23:20

He is pissed off youve questioned him.

Why didnt he delete the accounts?

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 22/02/2018 23:27

I don't think it's fair to say I barely know him tbh.
He maintains it was a long time ago and its not fair that I'm throwing his past in his face.
I don't know, he has a point I guess, I suppose I just reacted to what I saw

OP posts:
ChinkChink · 22/02/2018 23:44

Long time ago? What - did he wake up one day and realise he had been accidentally, in a former life, following porn bots and clickbait on Twitter and then crucially FAILED TO UNFOLLOW THEM?

It's all about one's own boundaries and you have to apply yours. I'd think much less of a person who, in effect, tacitly approves of such images on social media.

But for me it wouldn't be because I would be comparing myself - it would be because I wouldn't want to be with someone with that mindset. As I understand it, a lot of women don't have a problem with it. That's their business. I believe this sort of thing fosters a climate in which people are seen as commodities to be bought and sold.

And that folks, is why I'm single. Grin

StringOfGoldStars · 23/02/2018 02:35

Really wish I was one of these people who let things like this go over their head.
I think I need to work on my self esteem...

No you've got that the wrong way round.

Someone with good self esteem wouldn't find it easier to put up with something they didn't like.

Someone with good self esteem wpuld walk away.

Lkjem · 23/02/2018 03:17

Usually when porn accounts follow people on twitter we block them NOT follow them to ensure we never miss a post.
That's the issue.
Ok but then he has an excuse ( you think ? ) because that was ages ago. If so why is he still following them if not for daily porn fixes. It's not like the has forgotten to block or unfollow.
What a creep.

newcarsmell · 23/02/2018 04:28

Yikes he actually got pissed off with you? That's not a good sign. This is a preview to any future arguments where he is in the wrong - turning it around and blaming it on you.

Original poster
TheRoadToEverywhere · 23/02/2018 07:15

He's saying he feels humiliated and embarrassed. And that I should have asked how recent they are. To be fair, I don't think they are recent because they are quite far down the list
But
Surely posts are coming up daily on his feed??
He said he shouldn't be made to feel like he has something to apologise for to someone he didn't even know then

OP posts:
sadiesnakes · 23/02/2018 07:30

My dh had been doing this, we've been together a long time and I found out he was looking at naked 20 year old girls on Reddit, breast pictures, bum holes, vibrators in vaginas, etc, we're in our 40's. He was looking at them minding our children in the morning while I was upstairs pregnant and ill after being up all night minding a toddler that dosnt sleep well. He said he looked at them whilst in the loo, doing the dishwasherHmm, working away on his laptop, and it was just curiosity. He seemed to have built himself a fair old habit. I was devastated, to be honest I still am. I had poor self esteem to begin with but this stripped me down to feeling so inadequate and unworthy. The day I found out he did this type of shit was the biggest shock ever, I thought I knew him and thought he had evolved into a mature man with me, iykwim? My opinion of him has changed forever, he's not the man I thought he was and I've lost a great deal of respect for him, and spend alot of time feeling angry and resentful. Watching people having sex to have a wank is one thing, but perving over young naked girls on a daily basis is just tragic. Really consider whether you want to be with someone like this before you seriously commit, because after kids, marriage etc, it's too late.

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