Is he being a dick or am I?

[Jaffacakesaremyfave]

I've been with my DP since October so still relatively new relationship. Recently he has been doing/saying things that have really upset me and I don't know whether it's because the initial thrill of a new relationship has worn off or whether he's just a dick and I've only just realised.

It could also be me that's being too harsh and having expectations that are too high as I've never been in a 'good' relationship so my perspective might be skewed.

A few examples are:

1. He calls me a 'diva' all the time, I just think I have strong boundaries.

1. Last weekend for Valentine's he took me to a hotel where the check in lady at the desk announced loudly that he's been before and it turns out he took a FWB there last year. I've never been taken away before and so wanted it to be special but it was so unoriginal to take me there and then comment how much nicer his room was last time (4 poster bed etc). He's also mentioned that he thought about buying flowers and sending them to my work as 'women love all that'. It just makes me feel like he thinks he has this generic formula that works on all women and that I'm not special to him.

1. I spent hours last night cooking a meal for Valentine's (which he knew about) and then said he wasn't hungry when he arrived as he had a late lunch (the ingredients were hard to source as it was a special dish). He showed up with generic flowers and chocolates from the coop on his way over despite him asking me what I wanted and me telling him. I gave him thoughtful, personal gifts. He proceeded to watch football as soon as he arrived at my house last night on his phone and ignore me (we only see each other once a week). This put me in a bad mood and he said I 'need to get laid' 😡

1. He talks about his ex but gets upset if I do the same.

1. Has a chip on his shoulder about my career and says stuff like .MSc's are pointless (I have one, he doesnt) and that I 'only have one publication' (he has none).

1. Says he wants me to talk about things with him before they become issues but if I do try and talk he says 'oh here we go'

1. I bought him a fitbit for Xmas and he didn't say thank you, just said he didn't need one and I could have it.

1. Won't talk to me about his intermittent ED, won't go down on me even though he likes me doing it to him.

1. Constantly plays on his phone so I have conversations with the back of his head while he grunts a response. He's awful on the phone and it's awkward talking to him so I rarely call. He doesn't text much either.

These are just a few examples of things that are irritating me but I'm not sure if it's enough to end the relationship. I have been labelled by my family as 'difficult' all of my life and have anxiety which makes it difficult to know whether I'm being a dick or whether we are just not compatible. He obviously does have good points and breaking up would upset me but more because I don't want another failed relationship. I was really hoping this one was going somewhere.

I feel like he has had enough of me too and is just biding his time until someone better comes along.

It shouldn't be this hard so early on right?:

dick dick dick dick self obsessed dick

I often jump on these threads to see someone overreactng and proclaiming their DP to be a dick because they talk to other people.

But oh OP he sounds so horrible :( A lot of these things just show that you're right - he doesn't treat you like you, he treats you like a you're just a chick/babe/love or someone who's just there for him and his life.

You deserve someone who is thoughtful and kind, who wants to see you when they come over because it's only once a week. Someone who listens to your concerns and takes you feelings into account. Someone who supports and encourages you, not someone who tears you down.

The red flags are: the negging - you're a diva, difficult, don't need a MSc, only have one publication, etc etc. The misogynist bullshit - talks about his ex but gets upset when you do the same, 'women love this kind of thing'. The lack of effort/treats you like shit - take latest GF to same hotel as FWB, don't eat the meal she cooks you, no thanks for gifts, expects you to suck his cock but won't reciprocate, on his phone whilst spending time with you.

Seriously? You need to get some better standards.

He's 'willing to work on it'? Honey, this early in the game, there shouldn't be anything to work on. It's shouldn't be so hard.

He's an arsehole. Get rid.

I'm not sure if "red flags" is the right term here. "Red flag" usually means an indicator that someone might treat you badly. This guy actually is treating you badly.
He's rude and inconsiderate. Turning up to a date at your house and not eating the meal you prepared or even bothering to have a conversation with you?! He says he's willing to work on things but he won't talk about them?
He's a dick. What are his good points please? Other than showing up?

He is not good enough for you. Doesn't matter if he says he loves you - you deserve better. The early bits of a relationship are an audition in some ways - he failed his. You don't have to stay with someone just because he is there or says he loves you.

Move on.

The major red flag is that he puts your achievements down - that would be enough for me. He should be proud of having a relationship with someone intelligent and hard working enough to have a publication to their name, not making sure you dont feel too good about it.
Bin.

wow what a dick
sorry but if the receptionist remembers him hes been there more than once

and putting you down? its been four months and he acts like this

just end it

Dick dick dick dick dicky dicky dicky dick.

Get rid!! He sounds like an arrogant dick...

Bin him now. My dh was like that and still is now at times but I married him. O the regret at times. Other times he is lovely but can turn back I to a knob rather quickly

You need to ask?!! Yes - he is a Dick. Get rid. You deserve so much more - just give him the elbow - short and to the point.

Dear god. I am aware I am projecting but these examples remind me of my EA ex. Run for the hills. It will only get worse and you deserve so much more.

Bin him. He doesn't sound like he's adding much TBH - sounds like you deserve far better x

He is a dick and your expectations are far too low, dump!

He says he loves me and that he wants a relationship and is willing to work on things.

Re-read your post OP - is he willing? Is he really? It certainly doesn't sound like it at all from what you've written!

Just some of the red flags:
Calls you names all the time
He doesn't make you feel special
He belittles you about your career and degree
He is ungrateful for the gifts you give him and is unappreciative of the things you do for him
Constantly plays on his phone and ignores you

Basically he treats you like shit and this is in the early stages of a relationship! He is a grade A twat. Dump him - he will only get worse.

You deserve better. Much better.

You’ve been with him 4 months and have easily listed 9 issues you have with him. Trust your gut (which is telling you something is wrong or you wouldn’t be posting).
Personally, I think you sound fed up of him. He doesn’t say/do the things you wish he would and while no man is perfect, it doesn’t seem like you are on the same page. Why waste your time on someone who doesn’t make you happy?
Please don’t consider this a ‘failed relationship’. The whole point of dating/having boyfriends is to find the right one for you. They’re not all going to be winners, but you’ve learnt something from each one. Even if it’s what you don’t want in a guy!

hes a dick - bin him.

Seriously, why are you even still with him?

If you can write a list that long of things that annoy you about him, when you're not even 6 months into the relationship, then I'm afraid he's not a keeper.

Hes probably telling you he loves you cus "chick dig that", too

Also, as someome above said, why would a receptionist remember him from months ago? Is he very distinctive? Very tactless of the receptionist to mention it, but does sound he had visited more than once....
Honestly it doesntmatter though, he would still he an arsehiole even if he had taken you somewhere new.

Why on earth are you still with this prick? I’d definitely bin him off over one of those things let alone all of them!!

Recognizing that your boyfriend of under 6 months is with a arse of a man, and getting shut of him is not a failed relationship, it is a success!

He sounds like he is envious of you and your success and has decided to do some negging to keep you in your place.

www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Negging

Please don't think this is a successful relationship if he makes you unhappy.

It sounds like just maybe your family have tried to make you feel like you are hard work, which makes them hard work in my humble opinion!

#8 in the OP alone would have me binning him off.

The rest of it sounds grim as well. I'm struggling to understand why you are bothering? Is there something he brings to your life that you genuinely think is worth him being so shit?

Those things you list are a mixture of incredibly selfish behavior, examples of how to be a bad partner, and actually abusive behaviors.

You are not the dick in this relationship.