2 valentines cards

[Oneandoneontheway]

Found 2 cards last night, both blank in my husbands laptop bag. He was away with work today on site. I have been given one card and just checked the bag now & the other card is no longer there. Paranoia or reason to be suspicious?!?!!!!

He is angry he has been found out.

You will now get the drip drip drip about what has been going on.

So sorry

He might come up with an implausible story now to explain the two cards.

He's doing the classic thing of turning it around to try to make you the one at fault in the relationship. Please don't take what he says to heart - he doesn't actually believe it, it's just a way of justifying his shit behaviour to himself. So sorry op

Oh Op, so sorry to read your update. Stay strong & calm & start gathering your evidence. Good luck.

I was so hoping there was an innocent explanation.
What a shit.
Please promise yourself that you will accept NO blame for his actions, and make sure he knows this.

I’m so sorry

Im taking the kids to stay at my parents for a few days. I need space and time to work out what i do/where i go from here. I need support and some TLC. Im sorry to just post & run now ,but i need to be with my parents and look after the wee ones - especially my 3 year old who will not understand why we are staying away from home. Thank you for all your support over this, its been a lifeline & thank you for the helpful/practical advice. over & out xxx

Tell 3 year old you are going on holiday to grandparents as a surprise? They will buy that surely?

Good luck.

All the best

Best of luck x

Op, before you go get:
Kids passports
Bank of any financial statements, ISA statements etc
Copies of his pension
Copy of the mortgage statement
Copies of his salary slips
Copy of your will.
Copy of anything valuable receipt
Take valuable jewellery with you
This man is not now your friend.

After 27 years together and 22 years of marriage, I went through this to the letter, except I got his phone and copied lots of the dirty messages.
Get your back covered by getting the financial stuff, money just flew out of out account after I discovered him. Get your back covered

I think going to your parents is a really good idea OP. I always feel so safe when I'm at my mum & dad's ! You really do need to be kind yourself right now and give yourself lots of space. Remember you can get through this & you aren't the one who has behaved recklessly. Like I said before , hold your head up high. All the very best for your little ones xxx

• for you and the little ones that was meant to read ! Xxx

All the best. Thank goodness you have your loving parents to rely on - their help will be invaluable. So sorry you're having to face this situation.

Take care OP and think only of what is going to be in your best interests and that of the children. The blaming thing is horrible but don’t start doubting yourself - it is nothing whatsoever to do with you it is just his post-event justification. If he felt there were issues in your relationship then he should have talked to you about them. To say you were insuficiently loving or respectful is cruel and untrue. You were loving and respectful enough to stay true to your marriage vows - which is more than he managed to do. Life will get better I promise, there are plenty of us who have endured the darkest depths you are going through now but we all come out the other side. x

That's awful. You're not venemous and uncaring to find two valentine cards + no explanation for that very confusing.

The outburst of anger is classic defensiveness. He's angry that he was caught out with no explanation.

There isn't a woman who cares about her relationship who could just shrug at two cards+ one disappearing. That is as you say very thought provoking And all he could offer you was no explanation and worse a outburst of anger.

Anger is a good thing to feel right now. I always feel worse for the posters who haven't / can't access their justifiable anger.

Totally agree, the anger and defensiveness is not good. I hope you can clear your head, op x

What @francesdestroyed says is really good advice . Your next steps will define yours and your children's quality of life (if you decide to leave) have a good exit strategy OP , do some googling , speak with a solicitor and protect yourself xxx

How awful OP. Hope you're OK.

I sometimes buy 2 cards, I buy one then see another I like and buy that. I wouldn't say that, that alone is suspicious (he might have got rid of the one he wasn't going to give you) unless there are other things too.

Just saw update .. If he's reacting like that, then sorry I would think he is upto something

So sorry OP. Please look after yourself and make sure you eat.

So sorry to read your updates OP, you're doing the right thing going to your parents for tlc & support. Give yourself time to think things through & see how he responds to your absence.

You really don't have to make any decisions quickly, you need to know the absolute truth of what he has been up to - have all the facts and believe what he tells you is the truth - before you decide what you want.

You are in for very difficult times, but you will come through them whatever happens. Best of luck

I was really hoping there was an innocent explanation at the end of this,look after yourself op x

Sending you kind thoughts and wishing you strength