2 valentines cards

[Oneandoneontheway]

Found 2 cards last night, both blank in my husbands laptop bag. He was away with work today on site. I have been given one card and just checked the bag now & the other card is no longer there. Paranoia or reason to be suspicious?!?!!!!

I never get these posts, one little thing and it's all private detective, get them drunk and use their finger to open their phone talk.
I'm surprised no one has suggested tracking the phone/car yet.
You said that a similar rough patch after first dc was born, many men struggle at this time (because the are like children themselves) it doesn't mean they are having affairs. I recently had an episode where I thought i had lost my phone, I hadn't but it made me set up a password on it. A completely random sequence of numbers from an old old old pin.
If you expect trust and loyalty then rather than go snooping around and tracking/monitoring his every move why not just ask him outright.
Many will say because he could be lying because you must trust your gut, because men who cheat will even swear on their kids lives.
If you seriously look at your life partner and ask them such an important question while even thinking they are capable of lying in such a way why would you want to remain in the relationship anyway.
If you don't trust them enough to think they are cheating, or to answer you honestly then whether they are cheating or not surely this is a marriage with serious problems anyway.

I agree @ALittleBitConfused1 was reading some of these posts thinking bloody hell its not an episode of Doctor Foster!! Definitely ask him OP XX

My best friend asked her DH, tv. He was mortally offended and showed her his phone, nothing there and she felt awful, figured it must all be in her head. 8 days later her sister saw him Costa kissing the OW. Turns out that there was a second phone for his girlfriend. Asking isn't always going to work, cheaters are accomplished liars and once they know you suspect they get even better at it. That is why you should have a look behind the scenes before you speak to them. Of course in a committed relationship talking should be enough, but for many, many women it just isn't.

Yeah but shes had a look for the card and hasnt come across it (or a secret phone) in my opinion all you can do is ask.
If they are going to lie they will do, but affairs always get found out in the end.. And maybe if you mistrust someone that much that is a concrete indication your marriage needs help, it either means they are cheating, are treating you poorly, or you have lost all faith in them and their integrity. All are deal breakers surely.

Of the two men i know well who have had affairs. Both have stressful careers that can have long hours. So their wives think nothing of them coming home at 7, 8, 9 or even 10 pm as it isnt out of their notmal routine. Somethines they will bebat work until that time. Sometimes theyll Be with mistresses / random online hook ups.

One works away frequently. Will often pick up a new mistress in the town henis working. Or tinder. One works away infrequently and will take his mistress with him.

Both are doting fathers and husbands at the weekend and their wives are happy, trusting and, as far as i know, dont have any inclination as their isnno break to the norm.

Regards your husband. If he is angry at you seeing two cards and questioning where the other is, that is unaccpetable. It is an absolutely normal question. An angry response, even if he is innocent, tells a lot about his general attitude towards you.

But i think youre right to wait until youre ready.

I would've put my phone on silent and picked his up..
When he came back downstairs, asked him why he had a password.
If he then asks why you have it, you could say you can't find your phone so was going to ring it.

I have a password on my phone - DH knows it. Even my 6 and 4 year old know it! I also have fingerprint recognition, so even if DH didn't know it, he could easily snoop on it by putting it on my finger while I'm asleep!

My friend doesn't know her partners code. She said she's scared of what she could find on it so doesn't want to know.
I said that to DH and he said that if you have to hide your phone password from your partner, then they should be worried.

I hope there's an innocent explanation for you.

The thing is that i do trust him , but im aware of some awful stories from friends that their DH have had affairs ( some for years) without them knowing and then it just comes out at a later date. So even though the trust is there , i also know you can never say never. I am anxious because there were 2 cards and now only 1 , i think most people would find that a thought provoking moment! I am going to keep trying the phone. However last week he passed me his phone quite happily so i could bid on eBay- so whats occurred in a week!?!!!
Im sticking to asking him on sat night, also because i think the conversation will be better on neutral ground than at him.
Wish me luck folks!! And thank you for all your messages, its been really helpful xxx

I would have trusted my h with my life last person you would ever expect. When I found evidence I asked him and he looked me in the eye and told me he would never cheat on me and I believed him. Until the OW told me all

My H held my hand, looked me in the eye, told me he loved only me.
I had such a funny feeling, his behaviour was odd and a friend noticed it.
That night I looked at his phone.
When I asked him who Slag Trollop was he said, " I don t know anyone called Slag Trollop. "
I held his phone up. He grabbed it off me and deleted his conversation: aka sexting porn, then went to phone ST to tell her I'd found out.
I'd photo'd about 20 of their sexts though and now have them saved on a memory stick
You need to be calm and find out all you can. He won't admit what you can't prove.
Get access to the phone and be ready to copy what you find in a safe place.
Stay strong

Although you trust and love him you have to look at the red flags in this instance already..

1. He's been treating you awfully and for a good few months (lots of betrayed partners feel disconnected in the lead up to finding out)

1. He had two valentines cards in his bag and only gave you one.

1. He left for work early on Valentine's Day and the other card was gone

1. He now has a password on his phone that clearly you haven't been able to guess (so it's likely to keep you out!)

If you simply ask him he will likely lie. I would ask for his phone to be handed over and see his reaction to that.

What were the occasions over the last 12 months that made you ask him if there was someone else? You said that at the start. That doesn't go with you saying you trust him.

A few things not adding up here OP.
I'm sorry this happening to you.
It's a good plan to tackle him on it tomorrow.
Will he be drinking?
Get him when he's a bit more 'complient'
Tell him you 'know' what's going on so he should come clean.
See his reaction to that.
If he won't be honest tell him you want to see his phone right now.
His reaction will tell you a lot.
However, some men a fully accomplished liars.
Good luck.
This must be eating you up.
I've been there and it's horrible.

I was just about to post do you ever use his phone for general things? Maybe you could ask to use for eBay sit away from him and quickly check?

Agree with everything @paperdoll16 said , for those posters who are like "mehhh this isn't an episode of doctor foster " do you even read these threads on the relationship sections??? 🤦🏻‍♀️ To the end?

I actually bought 2 cards but only gave one to DH. The first I bought in a budget supermarket thinking it was the best I could get in the time I had free. Unexpectedly I later visited another shop where I bought a better card so now I have the other spare. Today because of this thread I told my DH about the other card and he said "that's what the other one was" I hadn't realised he'd seen it, I had meant to throw it out. Maybe your DH threw out the spare card.

So heres the update & probably the last one. Asked DH and he had no immediate answer, all got pretty weird, so he refused to answer, kicked off and now im pretty 100 % certain he's having an affair

Hmm. That is not a good reaction. No effort to reassure you, correct any misunderstanding, prove you wrong? Stroppy, defensive, angry?

Oh OP I'm so sorry are you in the house alone or is he still there? Are you able to tell us what happened? What a fucker he is

So sorry op. Be strong

I'm really so sorry OP. I can't even imagine what you are feeling right now but you will get through this. He is spineless & doesn't deserve you, hold your head up high. xx

If he had bought two and left one at the office he'd have just said it.

He says i dont love him or treat him with respect. Angry that i have questioned him but doesn't have an actual reply to the card situation. He says im venomous & uncaring. In tears. I love him.he's my husband

He's saying it to justify his probable affair. I don't know what to advise - you won't get anywhere without him answering the question. :(

So what's your reaction to his non answer OP?

Tell him you'll respect him more if he tells the truth.