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Original poster

2 valentines cards

242 replies

Oneandoneontheway · 14/02/2018 23:04

Found 2 cards last night, both blank in my husbands laptop bag. He was away with work today on site. I have been given one card and just checked the bag now & the other card is no longer there. Paranoia or reason to be suspicious?!?!!!!

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 15/02/2018 00:58

If you asked him and he explained it away, would you believe him?

In theory if he had two cards just because he couldn’t decide he would still have the other unless he claims Bob from work didn’t have one so he gave it to him, unlikely but could very ever so slightly be plausible

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 15/02/2018 01:37

have just double checked his bag - ergo - card has gone to another woman FML

OP posts:
MrsDilber · 15/02/2018 01:38

I'd have to have asked straight away, when I saw them in the bag.

RainyApril · 15/02/2018 06:51

Don't ask him yet, because you won't get an honest answer but you will tip him off about your suspicions.

It is suspicious and the explanations offered here are less likely than the obvious one imo.

As pp said, do some digging. If you don't like being sneaky, be direct. When he gets home, ask to use his phone. Tell him something has happened to make you sad and worried, and you need to check something. If he won't give it to you, you have your answer. If he does give it to you, check the obvious apps but also look for hidden ones and check location services.

I hope you don't find anything, and it's all innocent.

Psychobabble123 · 15/02/2018 06:59

Do not show your hand! Don't mention the cards, try to act as normally as possible and get your hands on his phone and ipad etc. Get evidence before you challenge him or he will just get better at hiding it and you'll be made to feel you are going mad. Run any phone numbers you don't recognise through Facebook to see if you get a hit, and save them in your phone and see if they come up in WhatsApp with a photo. Can you access his banking??

G120810 · 15/02/2018 07:06

Yes do some digging phone up work and pretend u forgot to ask him something look at bank and credit card statements social media if he has it email if u can get in also think about work habits are has he been working late often is he working alot of weekends yeah he could have bought 2 but we're did 1 disappear to once uve done all that if u have not found anything then ask him if he says he bought 2 as he wasn't sure which one to give u say give me it then n I'll put it away for next year x

trojanpony · 15/02/2018 07:08

I think it’s very suspicious and Agree with psychobabble123’s advice

MyKingdomForBrie · 15/02/2018 07:09

Don’t go off the deep end yet it could be innocent. I would just be keeping an eye at this point.

frutti · 15/02/2018 07:13

How do you know card has gone to another woman? Flowers

frutti · 15/02/2018 07:14

I’m also with psychobabble don’t give him a heads up to make some shit story up. Get some solid info and you can choose what you want to do then.

CamberGirl · 15/02/2018 07:21

If you want to check where he is, can you get somebody to ring work pretending to be a client. Then if he's there they can just hang up.

NaiceBiscuits · 15/02/2018 07:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/02/2018 09:32

But he could ha e put it somewhere else. Say he got them both out at work to choose one to write and then just shoved the other in his drawer.

I’m not sure that it’s not in his bag is definitive proof.

Lweji · 15/02/2018 09:38

I'd ask him where it was. He'd either have it at home or the office. I don't think it's likely that he'd throw it away. And shops wouldn't be selling any today or tomorrow.

His reaction would also be telling.

SusanDelfino · 15/02/2018 09:58

What were the other things over the last 12 months that made you suspicious? I agree, buying two cards because you couldn't decide is a woman thing. Men grab the first card they see that seems acceptable.

MiddleClassProblem · 15/02/2018 10:12

Men grab the first card they see that seems acceptable

This is literally the opposite of my husband.

HobnobBob · 15/02/2018 10:18

If he had lost one card he wouldn’t have the two together. I would try and find out more first before confronting.

mindutopia · 15/02/2018 10:58

I think you need to do some more digging. If he's given a card to someone else, then there will most certainly be evidence of interaction between them (messages, phone calls, emails, expenditures from bank accounts, etc.). I think you're right it's very suspicious. You'd know if your dh is the sort to agonise over a card and buy two or stockpile them. My mum is in her 60s and buys multiple cards to save for next year and send valentine's day cards to like neighbours and other randoms. My dh and I don't even get each other valentine's day cards, but when we do buy cards neither of us would ever buy two because we couldn't decide. If you know your dh isn't the type to do that (I know mine isn't) and it didn't go anywhere obvious (like one of your dc or his mum, if he's even the type to buy one for his mum?), then you need to do some investigative work.

Bathsheba1878 · 15/02/2018 11:21

I agree entirely with mindutopia, you know what is normal/plausible behaviour for your DH and if this is making you uneasy (and I think it would most) then you cannot ignore it. In an ideal world you'd be able to ask him about it, and receive an honest answer but, if that is realistically not going to happen, then you probably need to try to do some digging before he is alerted to your suspicions. Having been in this situation I know the anxiety is so intense it makes you feel physically ill, but not knowing is worse still. Ringing his office to check whether he is on leave might be a start if you are able to do it. I am so sorry you are in this situation.

HarmlessChap · 15/02/2018 11:43

I've bought 2 cards before, dw isn't a very cutesy person and some things I think are cute she'll find vomit inducing. If I decided against giving an overly sweet card I'd bin it.

While I agree it seems odd and suspicious don't jump to conclusions without further evidence there could be other reasons, it may even some kind of wind up or joke played on a friend.

I hope you get to the bottom of it.

LuxuryMilk · 15/02/2018 11:50

Have you checked bins etc? I’m a nightmare for misplacing things and have often bought a valentines card twice.

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 15/02/2018 12:06

I shouldn't be nervous about asking him,but i am. I have just swept the house to see if it got put somewhere else and cant find it. I hate sneaking and checking up on him,but feel i need to. Would you be upset if your other half asked you directly? Trying to imagine if he would be hurt/angry at me if i was to just ask him rather than check bag/phone etc

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 15/02/2018 12:24

I know DH would be fine if I asked him but we are very open with each other as we only had each other as company and have been through a lot of health situations that create a no secrets relationship/literally talk about anything.

It really depends on if you two would normally talk about it or not and how you would ask.

I would probably ask in a jovial way, no leasing questions though. But that’s how we work.

BoredOnMatLeave · 15/02/2018 12:33

I personally wouldn't ask him if you really think it went to another woman. If it was for someone else he's unlikely to say that, he would just make up an excuse (he couldn't decide which one to give you/its banter with a work mate/ its for a friend to give to his wife).

I would dig around too.

PNGirl · 15/02/2018 12:34

I think I'd have to ask him. In person. Just "What did you do with the second valentine's card?"

He will either tell you, or sputter and deny its existence/get mad. The second gives you a clue.