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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

2 valentines cards

242 replies

Oneandoneontheway · 14/02/2018 23:04

Found 2 cards last night, both blank in my husbands laptop bag. He was away with work today on site. I have been given one card and just checked the bag now & the other card is no longer there. Paranoia or reason to be suspicious?!?!!!!

OP posts:
sunshiney78 · 15/02/2018 19:39

Ask him to unlock his phone and show you. If he has nothing to hide, he’ll do it.

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 15/02/2018 19:40

Having a vodka, think that will help ! Cant say I've lost my phone as he's seen me sat here using it. We are due to go out on sat night for a few drinks, we haven't been out for 5 months. Maybe thats a good time to ask, as we very rarely get the time to just chat about stuff

OP posts:
PNGirl · 15/02/2018 19:43

I don't mean as in "lost" lost. Shove it down the sofa cushions or put it under a book in an hour or so then start looking for it.

Hogtini · 15/02/2018 19:43

Another one here who has bought two cards - being indecisive, grabbing one at supermarket but then having opp to pop into town and get a better one etc. Hope it's innocent for you.

alotalotalot · 15/02/2018 19:48

Bank statements?

loveyoutothemoon · 15/02/2018 19:48

Doesn't matter if he's seen you on it, just lose it soon!

teethtrauma · 15/02/2018 19:52

Or hide his. See how he reacts to that.

Bathsheba1878 · 15/02/2018 19:54

If you are going to pretend you've lost your phone make sure you switch it off or switch it to silent otherwise he will suggest that you locate it by ringing it. I am so sorry you are going through this - it is a living nightmare. It's hard to do but try to avoid, or limit, alcohol because you need your wits about you to watch his reactions and you want to be able to recall everything clearly.

PNGirl · 15/02/2018 19:55

That was my point - to ask to borrow his phone to call it. If he suggests a landline or says no, he doesn't want her to see his phone.

isitspringyet23 · 15/02/2018 20:00

Don't understand why you wouldn't ask. If this was me I'd ask straight away, how anyone can bide there time is beyond me. Go and ask ..catch him off guard you will know from his reaction if he is telling the truth.

frutti · 15/02/2018 20:04

Ahh this is not looking good now. Ask him if you can check the settings on his phone are the same as yours and get him to unlock it and show you. Do it very impromptu and don’t give him the chance to squirm out. If he still refuses something’s amiss.

frutti · 15/02/2018 20:04

Ps I mean then take the phone off him and go through it while you’re ‘comparing’

troodiedoo · 15/02/2018 20:05

Doesn't sound good Flowers

Have a think before you do anything. Don't show your hand too early.

mummsyy · 15/02/2018 20:05

Ohhhh OP! 💐
I really hope it's innocent but can't say alarm bells wouldn't be ringing.
I second thinking of an excuse to use his phone ie saying you can't find yours and need to have a quick look at something online etc.
Hugs! 😔 x

Bathsheba1878 · 15/02/2018 20:06

Apologies, I misunderstood what you were suggesting.

littlebillie · 15/02/2018 20:06

Thinking Emma Thompson love actually

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 15/02/2018 20:07

I guess part of me doesn't want to give him an opportunity to lie,i would like to have all facts/info in front of me. Nor do i want to completely balls it up and look like the crazed jealous wife. Im going to check his bag when he goes to bed and then speak to him tomorrow or Saturday. I will ask, but it needs to be the right time for me. If that makes sense ? Its crap and i hope hope hope that its nothing and I've just got my knickers in a twist

OP posts:
troodiedoo · 15/02/2018 20:07

For those saying you'll know by his reaction if he's lying: men can be very good liars. It'll tell you nothing and let him know you know.

ObiJuanKenobi · 15/02/2018 20:13

Oh god poor you! No advice but thinking of you.

Crazycatladyx5 · 15/02/2018 20:15

Really hope this innocent but I'm afraid it doesn't look good. I'd vote for trying to get more info before asking him outright. My ex became a very good liar when he had an affair, he was also unkind to me during that time. I've been in your shoes & really feel for you.

Bathsheba1878 · 15/02/2018 20:18

OP, I think that sounds like a very sensible strategy. Right now, while he's unaware of your suspicions there's a high chance you will be able to find some evidence (if there is anything going on) but as soon as he gets wind that you're on to him he will become a whole lot more careful. If you are going through his bag take a close look at receipts ( possibly in his coat pocket as well?) The date/time on them can reveal a lot about where he has been, and when, even if the purchases are innocent enough.

Original poster
Oneandoneontheway · 15/02/2018 20:19

Thank you for all your lovely supportive messages - really help xx

OP posts:
NaiceBiscuits · 15/02/2018 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Joysmum · 15/02/2018 20:23

I’d ask to borrow his phone for internet or make a call because your is either elsewhere or dead.

Grammarist · 15/02/2018 20:27

Play your cards really close to your chest, OP. Don't ask him about the second card - just keep watching him.