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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

2 valentines cards

242 replies

Oneandoneontheway · 14/02/2018 23:04

Found 2 cards last night, both blank in my husbands laptop bag. He was away with work today on site. I have been given one card and just checked the bag now & the other card is no longer there. Paranoia or reason to be suspicious?!?!!!!

OP posts:
ShotsFired · 15/02/2018 14:53

Could you remember it enough to get a second one and leave that lying round?

timeisnotaline · 15/02/2018 14:55

The guy instinct over the last 12 months combined with the two cards and work Trip on Valentine’s Day is extremely suspicious. I suppose you can’t turn up to surprise him for valentines?

timeisnotaline · 15/02/2018 14:59

*gut instinct obvs

Oneandoneontheway · 15/02/2018 15:20

Thanks for the replies folks;
He works away alot, rarely overnight- i find it hard to think when he would get the time to be with someone else, but things haven't been great since dd was born 7 months ago- however we had a rough patch after our ds arrived 3 years ago - so i have been putting it down to tiredness etc, plus im a sahm which i find adds more pressure on him with work.
But he's not very kind to me at the mo,so finding this card sets me on edge
Think i will check his phone tonight and then think about what to do next

OP posts:
sirlee66 · 15/02/2018 15:32

Good idea, OP. Best of luck and please keep us posted x

luckiestgirl · 15/02/2018 15:38

I too would check for evidence instead of asking him outright.

TheRealCurlySue · 15/02/2018 15:43

Don't ignore your gut op. Like others have said try and do some digging first but it is strange to have found two cards and if he had got it for someone else why not just say "Dave asked me to pick this up for him..."

Hotpinkangel19 · 15/02/2018 15:48

Hope it's not OW x

dudsville · 15/02/2018 15:51

I bought 4 cards. One was funny but not timely. 3 were to be shared between v day and our anniversary, leaving one spare.

GlitterBurps · 15/02/2018 15:59

I hate to say this OP, this happened to a friend of mine last year and it turned out he was cheating. She didn’t say anything to him and just watched his behaviour. 2 weeks later she found a valentines card from the woman he was seeing in his work bag. I hope this is innocent for you and your kids sake but I fear he is up to something.

Shen0102 · 15/02/2018 15:59

At this point it can be anything. maybe there was a mystery Valentine's box at work ?

Godowneasy · 15/02/2018 16:24

maybe there was a mystery Valentine's box at work

Is this a thing? Bizarre....

tuliped · 15/02/2018 16:58

Have you checked the bin or recycling?

ittakes2 · 15/02/2018 17:08

I always buy more than one card and then put the other in my pile of extra cards. Just tell him you saw two and ask what happened to the other one. If he looks to up to the left when he is taking - he is remembering a true event. But if he looks up to right when talking - I’m sorry he is making something up. Google body language when telling the truth. Good luck.

YearOfYouRemember · 15/02/2018 17:17

I hope it's innocent but how about you tackle his not being nice to you at the moment. Could be he's cheating and annoyed you're a hinderance or he could be knackered or a twat.

ManchesterGin · 15/02/2018 17:24

Another vote for not asking just yet!

mindutopia · 15/02/2018 17:32

Agreed I wouldn't ask directly right now. I absolutely wouldn't be offended if my dh asked me about something like that. I'd think it was totally reasonable if he came across two romantic cards, only one of which went to him. But if I was up to something, it would definitely be the reason I needed to cover my tracks. Hope you find out it's nothing, but I'd keep your spidey senses up just in case.

keepingbees · 15/02/2018 17:32

You won't get the truth from asking him, the only use it would be is giving you an idea due to whatever his reaction is.
I would be very suspicious and would definitely do some more digging.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 15/02/2018 17:37

Sorry OP, this doesn't look good. I would keep my cards close to my chest and do some digging, look through his phone and emails and bank statements. Definitely confront him face to face, don't let on that you suspect something as if he is cheating it'll give him time to think up an excuse and cover his tracks.

LuckyAmy1986 · 15/02/2018 18:30

I found two Valentine’s Day cards once in my ex’s boot. He was there so I asked him why there were two. He said oh they were both for you but I couldn’t choose. I thought it was very strange but chose To believe him. Found out later on there was someone else. Hope all is ok OP but trust your gut.

mehhh · 15/02/2018 18:34

How are you doing op?

Did the valentines card say girlfriend etc anything like that? Could it possibly be for mum etc? I know some people get cards for mums etc, long shot I know but you can buy them

Did you do anymore digging?

StarsAndWater · 15/02/2018 18:44

But he's not very kind to me at the mo

This would be a red flag for me. When xh cheated, he got very irritable with me. It was part of his self-justification, I think.
It might not be that for you of course, but combined with your other instincts, it's a problem.

Oneandoneontheway · 15/02/2018 19:32

So DH took ds up to bed , perfect time to check his phone - picked it up and all of a sudden its password protected. Never has been before. Tried what i thought maybe the code but failed and didn't want to try more than twice in case it locked.....so what now ?!!!!! Why does he have a password 😥

OP posts:
peachypetite · 15/02/2018 19:33

Oh god OP. Not looking good I am sorry.

PNGirl · 15/02/2018 19:37

You say you've lost your phone, so can you borrow his to call it. If he says no... You confront him I guess?