Transitioning from affair to main relationship

[niteandfog]

Has anybody done it? How did you make it work? That's about it :)

I know we'll be the talk of the town for a while

Doubt it but I bet you would love that. But in realisty it will all be very boring. No sneaking around. No secret kisses. Just you and him. Worrying where he is when he says he is working late, who is sending him text messages.

He had no loyalty to the mother of his children, you my dear wont mean a thing!

OP if you mean by talk of the town that you will be discussed as being 'that old rotter that xxxx is shagging now he's done the dirty on xxxx' or similar then fill your boots. What a sad thing to take pride in.

I don’t understand why you have posted this on here.

I'm not one of those people that would instantly jump on someone who's done this. Human beings are infallible and situations arise that are not remotely ideal.

I think it's just your smugness that's galling. I don't get the impression you found love with someone in a far from ideal scenario, I actually get the impression you delight in this situation, not because you are in love but because you "won".

I have! I haven’t read any of the other responses, although I’m sure many of them are nasty. Three years ago I fell in love with one of my best friends. We had known and worked with each other for over 15 years at the time and were both in unhappy marriages. It’s a long story but I was aware my feelings had shifted toward him and I was terrified! I felt guilty and ashamed. I never told him how I felt and even tried avoiding him at work. One day he came to me distraught and explained how he was in love with me and didn’t know what to do. He told me he was constantly distracted by thoughts of me and didn’t know what to do. I told him I felt exactly the same way. What followed was an 11 month affair of sorts. I say “of sorts” because we never saw each other outside of work and we never had sex. We emailed and texted and tried to figure out what to do. We each had three kids and our spouses both worked with us too. It was a mess. He eventually got caught after I ended things so we could both work on our families and he continued to text me. I continued to reply of course. His wife saw texts from him to me professing his love and asking me to try and make things work between us. He collapsed mentally and had to take a leave from work. At that point we were kind of forced not to speak to each other. Everything blew up and his wife told everyone we worked with about us. At this point we went no contact and it was the best thing for us really. We got to consider our marriages apart from each other and realized that they were not worth saving. So we both split from our spouses while we weren’t speaking. About five months after we got caught we spoke again. He contacted me through a mutual friend. We began moving forward very slowly. That was about a year and a half ago. We don’t live together. I just spent time with his children for the first time about two weeks ago. Our children have never been all together. So my best advice it to 1) have a period of no contact and decide on your marriage during that time and 2) go very slowly. Don’t rush into marriage or even moving in together. The odds are against you for sure and there will be trust issues. What helps us is we had a strong friendship before all this so there was a foundation. I truly wish you the best. Having an affair is incredibly unhealthy for you mentally and physically. I know we both got very sick with guilt and internal conflict. Making a decision either way is the best thing.

You're 10 months late.

I love the idea that mistresses will drop their lovers like a hot potato as soon as they see their dirty underpants.

Do wives do this? Shriek in horror at a man picking his nose, farting and leaving his cups on top of the dishwasher? Or is this further evidence of intimacy and commitment?

Oh, I was half-hoping niteandfog was back, but it’s just a ZOMBIE RESURRECTION

Damn,me too Dahlietta, either she and OM were truly loves great dream,or more likely it all went tits up and she won't return to tell everyone that.

And Veronica, yes OP got some bad responses, but I assume as this is a zombie that you didn't read all her other self absorbed posts prior to this. Neither her or her OM were in any way considerate or kind to their spouses.

I’ve just left my husband for former OM, 6 months in and extremely happy. Husband has also moved on and we are actually friends. It was still hard, still painful, but worth it. 4 happy people is far better than 2 unhappy ones.

4 happy people is far better than 2 unhappy ones.

Absolutely but you do realise this can be achieved by leaving your other half first and not having an affair right?

Also I don't see the need to bed hop either. If my marriage was in a bad place I'd want out and then some time out for me, alone, to move forward. I don't need to go from one bed to the next unable to be alone for a second. It is possible to leave a relationship without a man/woman on the sidelines. Actually a more simple, cleaner way of severing a relationship to boot.

Ugggh what a seedy story that was. :(

Nice really nice ! Enjoy your "new relationship " pair of fking clowns

Have a lovely life together. Not being able to trust one another

Find some self respect and stop posting about your tawdry relationship - no-one gives a fuck and it's insulting to all the women who come here looking for help in dealing with cheating shitbags like the one you stole from his wife.

You really are delusional if you believe someone can “steal” another person. That’s actually ridiculous.

@sausage101 are you referring to my story? Yes very “seedy” as we waited to have sex until we were both out of our marriages 😂. You women are really miopic and close minded. It’s very amusing.

You sound about 15. Go away.