Transitioning from affair to main relationship

[niteandfog]

Has anybody done it? How did you make it work? That's about it :)

Eh? Do you mean moving from other woman to main woman?

How do you prepare? Hmmm.

I suppose you need to start worrying about where he is when not with you, look out for tell tale signs such as be secretive with phone and working late etc... you will know all the excuses as they’re the ones he used when seeing you. At least you have that advantage I guess....

Well this will go well.

I had an affair (I was married, he wasn't)... we didn't really have a transition as I just moved in with him one day. Fifteen years later we are truly happy and have no regrets. Everyone said it wouldn't last but even my mum now admits he's an improvement and adores him.

You know that when a man marries his mistress he creates a vacancy, don't you.

Hi OP
Do you mean you were the mistress,he has left his wife(and children?)and you want to know,what?sorry but I don't understand what you are asking.
Apologizes for any wrong assumptions I've made that this is a male female relationship

That's about it

Well it isn't really, is it?

You told his wife then???

I guess you just live with it - having the scumbag all to yourself, I mean.

The joy!!!!

As the bitter voice of experience it won’t last, he will do to you what he did to her and if he can lie about that you’ll never believe he’s telling you the truth about anything. Much better to start a relationship on a clean slate with trust and faith in that you’re both being honest.

This won't go well for you here OP.

You'll still feel the sneaking around vibe for a while but it'll get easier. Enjoy your time, it's the start of your new adventure.

I was technically the mistress for three weeks as I was married myself. But he's finally filed for.divorce and moved out. The wife doesn't know for sure but suspects it, she simply never had the evidence. Anyways, we're our only relationship now and we're both really happy. I know we'll be the talk of the town for a while but I assume it will get easier with time.

LOL

I just wish you luck. You’re gonna need it

I wasn't the OW, my DP was the OM ... we transitioned from an affair to a main relationship, have been together nine years now, and we're getting married shortly.

But you don't really get to know somebody until you live with them, see all their moods (including when something doesn't go their way), have to use the bathroom right after they've done a really stinky poo. All the yucky bits of life that you don't see when you're only seeing somebody for the best moments rather than 24/7.

Glad you are both so happy while the wife is left suspecting but not knowing.

You've come onto a forum full of women desperately needing support because their spouses have shacked up with some other woman and you're asking for tips on how to make it easier for yourself? Are you fucking serious?

I think you have to be pretty self absorbed to have an affair with a man while he's still married. You've just proved me right.

'The wife doesn't know for sure but suspects it, she simply never had the evidence.'

Grim

'Anyways'

DFO

There are young children involved on both sides if I recall correctly? In which case your focus should really be on supporting them through the breakdown of their family units rather than your 'relationship' that involved being wooed with dick pics although it's great that you are now 'really happy' together a whole 3 weeks after you were considering marriage counselling with your husband.

Oh. You again. Bored?

Oh and leaving his wife in knots wondering what the hell is going makes your lover a nasty gaslighting deceitful wanker. Enjoy him OP!

My husband and I got together a few weeks after he split with his ex (genuinely. We hadn’t ever met or even known of each other’s existence before then). They hadn’t been married, had no kids and had been together ten years. He fell out of love with her so legitimately broke up with her.

Anyway, everyone in this small town assumed because of the short time that had elapsed that we had had an affair. We hadn’t, but 12 years and four kids on they STILL see me as the other woman. Many still don’t speak to me. His family are still cold with me. Which is nice

I mean, I couldn’t give a shit now, but it was very very hard for a long time. So going on my experiences, people are going to be really horrible to you. It’s not nice.

"Technically"? No! Really, truly, literally.

Settling down with some popcorn.

A hit, a very palpable hit!

I was technically the mistress for three weeks as I was married myself. But he's finally filed for.divorce and moved out.

Finally?? It was three weeks!

we're both really happy

I guess my advice would be to brace yourselves. You are likely to not be very popular amongst many people. The wife is likely to not be very happy at all and has no responsibility to make things easy for you. Do either of you have children? If you do then they are likely to be unsettled too. None of this leads to happiness in even the most well-established relationship, but after three weeks, that is a lot to deal with. And when things are rough you are unlikely to get much sympathy.

I assume it will get easier with time.

Probably. But I think that might take quite a lot of time and things are likely to get much much worse before they get easier. Sorry if that's not what you want to hear.