Transitioning from affair to main relationship

[niteandfog]

Has anybody done it? How did you make it work? That's about it :)

How can you be so cold and blasé about another humans feelings?

because she's a sociopath.

I've got no trust issues! I'm no sociopath and my husband was emotionally abusive. I got married to not get deported. And I genuinely don't want to get married again, I don't see the need!! My sister is getting married and I advised against it

If you're the OW who has just shacked up with my friend's husband, she's now on antidepressants and has no idea how she'll cope. She will cope, she's better than both of you. Also, he was playing you both, he's been 'trying to fix things' with her for a while, so you can't be that special.
Even if you're not, as the OW, watch your back, karma exists.

OP, I hope every bit of cruelty you have shown in this situation, gets returned to you three-fold. That way, you can learn to be a better human being through bitter experience.

@Theimpossiblegirl what makes you think I'm that OW?

You're all the same, selfish and blind.
You both should have exited your relationships before embarking on a new one. Sure, you can't help who you fall for, but you can help what you do about it.

🍿

The other thread this OP started has just been bumped.

How do you make it work? Seriously?

You have to communicate honestly and openly with each other. Here lies the first obstacle as you both know for certain the other is a liar.

You have to be kind and allow his Ex dignity in her distress. You don't post smug couple pictures all over FB for example or rock up to the new in-laws tomorrow.

You have to wait a long time before people will forgive you if they ever do. Children do not always forgive and forget although you may think they are fine.

Preferably you never allow yourself to get into this situation and if someone else's spouse is alluring you walk away. Fast. Unless he becomes free by finishing his "main" relationship without you hanging around offering support, praise and a vagina.

My whole instinct is too be foul to you but life is too short to fight all injustices and silly OW's living their "Love Actually" moments. The film is crap and so is this behaviour.

Is your sister marrying to avoid being deported also??

Well I actually have no trust issues with him. Ever since he said he loved me, he said he would separate, that it would take some time but that he would as he just wanted to be with me. Against statistics he actually kept his word and three months later here we are. I really never not believed him he always even though 99% said he was lying and just playing with me, but he wasn't he was actually telling the truth.

And yes my sister's story is similar to mine but there's no baby involved so in that ay she's free to decide what to do about her future

Well, what advice are you looking for then? You seem to have it all planned out. Why do you need mn?

I find it really odd when people say they don't want to get married again.
If you live with someone long term there is no difference in how your commitment to the relationship is.
If you live apart then it's a less committed relationship.
But to think there's a difference between living together being married or not for the rest of your life to me shows a lack of maturity.

You can steal their affection though.

No you can't.

Interesting how you ignore most posts but home in on the ones that are convenient to your narrative.

He's left. She doesn't know about you. No bridges have been burned. Do you need a pen and paper to join those dots?

@Dancinggoat that's my point! In my.experience getting married gave me a piece of.paper that usual but that years later only brought grief (all the financial bits)

No you can't 'steal a person' or 'steal affection ' . It's insulting to suggest that men have no ability to know the difference between right and wrong. Poor widdle lambies !

I think you will find that if every fucking gorgeous supermodel on God's earth were lined up offering a shag and a shoulder to whine on.. that those who take up that offer do so ENTIRELY through the act of choice to accept or refuse.
You cannot steal someone's husband they choose to leave for what they perceive to be someone that will fulfill their needs better than their current wife/partner.
You cannot steal affection. It's not a finite resource. Plenty of men are especially attentive and affectionate to their wives during an affair. Doesn't make them lesser cunts.
Men who want to be faithful to their wives/partners NEVER find that their penises accidentally end up in someone else's vagina.

It is entirely, always and never 'accidentally ' his CHOICE.

So you 'got married ' for a visa. ? Did you have a child for the same reason ? To embed your claim in case the authorities realised you had embarked on a sham marriage?

Ahm nooo.... That's not how it happened. I had a very comfortable life across the Atlantic no need to immigrate other than trying to raise a family.

It shows how self absorbed you are when you’re been told over and over by the vast majority that you are selfish, disgusting and a number of other words you’d barely get away with on any other forum.

Why can’t you open your eyes and see what kind of person this makes you? You don’t give a shite how society sees you?

This guy will see your grave mental issues and run. And the way you’ve spoken about your daughter shows you will sacrifice anything for the affection of a dumb man.

Sit back and wait for karma to do it a work

No, I don't give a damn about what society thinks of me. I'm sure I'll be the talk of the town, heck make me wear a scarlet letter I don't care. I do feel bad for what happened, I wish it hadn't happened that way, but now what's done is done. and she has every single right to hate me for the rest of her life. And I don't know why you keep thinking I don't care about my daughter... She's very well looked after by me

Is this the same op as the thread where she had given him 3/4 months to leave his wife as a 'deadline' then was wanting to leave her child with her grandmother as she couldn't cope? From America? I really think this is just a troll, surely this can't be real??