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Original poster

Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 11/02/2018 11:15

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
VetOnCall · 20/02/2018 13:55

Ugh, can't type, that 'I can no' obviously shouldn't be there!

VetOnCall · 20/02/2018 13:56

First time this has happened to me. Not great for the old self esteem I have to admit. What the fuck is wrong with people?!

ValMc1 · 20/02/2018 13:57

Vet - that is pretty rotten of him - what a twat.

pudding21 · 20/02/2018 14:15

vet what a wanker.

ignoringthechoc · 20/02/2018 14:18

Well Vet you can't take it as a personal slight as he hasn't even met you so it's clearly his issue, got scared maybe? Dickish behaviour, treat yourself to a lovely posh coffee regardless and laugh inside at what he has missed out on (you, not the coffee!)
Kin Not knowing either you or her, I can't help feeling that she doesn't deserve you, I am going to be mean and say I hope you don't sort it out, I actually hope you find someone better (I know she has issues from past but everyone has tough times and she has to learn to deal with that not make future partners suffer for it)
Sorry if that's a bit blunt, I will get back to work :)

MissCatt · 20/02/2018 14:30

Ignoring you made a good point there about Miss Intellectual making future partners suffer for her past. Kind a control thing. If someone doesn't directly face and process traumatic issues such as abuse, it comes out in other ways... sometimes control. It could be a kind of 'fuck you to all men because I was treated badly' kind of behaviour. So she has no chance of going through trauma again. Or, indeed, of enjoying anything pleasant with Kin either.

Lovemusic33 · 20/02/2018 14:35

Vet I wouldn’t take it personally, obviously his problem, he either got really nervous and bottled out or his wife found out. Not very nice thing to happen but it seems to happen quite a bit. Better to find out he’s a twat now rather than after you met.

Lostlily · 20/02/2018 14:36

Hi
So I stopped over again and Mooseburgers did occur! Shock
It was pretty bloody good too!
I have now gone away for a week so that's bad timing really when things are just hotting up, but I do like him. I really tried to look into his eyes and listen to what he was saying( as he does with me) and I do like him. I could soon be on the smitten bench Hmm I need to shake off the other iron really but I am so sceptical that as soon as I do that Mr Smiley will end up being a fraud. He does seem very lovely though and lets hope its just me being paranoid

As for the questions of what to wear on sleep over when not DTD, I did wear some nice silky pj's and they are a good choice as you can feel a lot through them lol without having to take them off !!

VixenSixen · 20/02/2018 14:38

Vet - chalk it up to a lucky escape, you don't need that kind of negativity in your life. What weird behaviour..

Emotionally unstable as an Ikea table 🙃

Lostlily · 20/02/2018 14:41

Newyear for what its worth it was definitely worth keeping things coverd up and not dtd the first time I stopped over Wink

esk1mo · 20/02/2018 14:43

vet how rude Shock thats awful! i wonder if he does that to several women online? for some weird ego boost or he is a troll. creep.

Kinunir · 20/02/2018 14:44

ignoring don't mind the bluntness - I'm looking for alternative views as I feel very blinkered right now.

I can't remember if it was you or someone else who said it but I am in 'unavailable mode' right now, will see if that has any effect, not that I enjoy playing games.

vet the guy is a knob, pure and simple.

lost maybe that's where I've been going wrong - anyone think I should have worn silk pj's instead of my calvin's? Grin

ValMc1 · 20/02/2018 14:53

Kin - you never know they might have worked but probably not. I just cannot get my head around sharing a bed with someone I'm fond of and have been seeing for 4 months or so and not wanting to have at least a very steamy cuddle (who am kidding - ok MB).

Lostlily · 20/02/2018 14:57

lol KIN I'm sure the calvins were just fine. Newyear was asking what to wear for first stop over...Its tricky but they seemed to go down okay

Lovemusic33 · 20/02/2018 15:35

Kin I hope you manage to sort things out by the weekend with your iron, it’s a tricky one but for me if I really really like someone there’s no way I could share a bed without jumping on them. I have never got to date 4/5 without dtd, by date 2 or 3 I am struggling. My last partner was abusive (sexually and verbally), it has made me more careful and is probably the reason I’m still single but it hasn’t really stopped me dtd with people. I know all people are different and going through being in an abusive relationship does effect things a little.

VetOnCall · 20/02/2018 16:51

Thanks all. I know he's not married or attached (the wonders of FB stalking). I just don't get how he could send me quite a long and chatty message at 10 to 12 confirming where to meet, and then block me less than an hour later... was it something I'd said?! I only sent a very brief reply to confirm the time as I was in a bit of a rush to get there. I know there's nothing I can do but I really am confused by it.

Kin I honestly think she's taking you for a ride (every way except literally). No sex for 2 years, letting you take her away, you paying for all dates, fobbing you off when you talk about it etc. Going away for a freebie weekend to Italy with literally no money and the expectation that you'll pay for everything - that alone is taking the piss on an epic scale. Did she even buy you dinner while you were there as a thank you?

Kinunir · 20/02/2018 17:15

Vet No, she had no money with her whatsoever. I paid for flights, hotel, taxis, food, drink, etc.

MissCatt · 20/02/2018 17:17

Vet can you still message him on the dating site you met on? Ask him why he was such a twat? Or message him via FB and tell him what you think?! But you're probably far too lady-like to do that. I would have to sit on my hands.

So I still haven't heard from Mr Knows-he's-good-looking. Idiot. What's the point of saying let's whatsapp, let's phone chat... then not even reading/replying to my messages? Shall I send one final message telling him to get stuffed then block, or just assume he's 'busy' and leave it in case he eventually replies? He was on the dating site earlier, so hardly too busy to message me. Second time this has happened recently. Getting a complex now...

Mumfun · 20/02/2018 17:21

Vet that is a shocker

That was all about him and nothing to do with you.

Have a cup of what takes your fancy chill and move on without a backward glance

Kinunir · 20/02/2018 17:24

Catt Chasing him once is not over investing, chasing him again is. I'd suggest ignorance (of him) is now bliss.

Mumfun · 20/02/2018 17:24

Kin that is shocking too.

To offer nothing as a thank you (I don't mean sex) wow

Some people who are very charming have found out that they can get away with a lot in life. She sounds like one of those people.

Lovemusic33 · 20/02/2018 17:24

Kin I don’t understand why someone would go away with someone they had not yet slept with, take no money and expect everything to be bought and paid for? I feel bad if a man pays the bill on a date, I always offer to pay half or at least pay for the drinks (how ever rich they may seem).

I need to find a date before the weekend, I need adult company. Struggling to find anyone interesting on POF.

I have been chatting with someone from a hook up site for over a week and now I’m confused as people on there are meant to be just looking for one thing, I feel like I know this man quite well, he wants to meet for coffee and seems nice (hardly any sex talk). Then last night he tells me he lives with his mum (yes, another one) which has kind of put me off a little. Why are there so many men in their 30’s living with their parents?

I think I will spend tonight on tinder in hope to find someone reasonable that doesn’t live with their mum Sad

Mumfun · 20/02/2018 17:26

Catt yes I've learnt the hard way not to chase ever. It brings no good :(

ignoringthechoc · 20/02/2018 17:28

Kin I know money isn't a big deal to you, and I think you have probably learnt from this but don't let people take advantage of your kindness. Will try not to say too much more as you know my thoughts on miss (maybe)intelligent(but also quite rude)
Lost glad you're having a nice time, he appears to be winning you over :)
Vet and MissCatt shrug and move on, don't message, they are not worth any more thought. Crap when it happens and you wonder why people can't exhibit basic manners, but would you want to be with someone like that anyway?
Love keep looking for someone who doesn't live at home :) and hope you find a date for the weekend, you will its 3 days away.

VetOnCall · 20/02/2018 17:28

I can't Miss, I met him on Bumble and he removed his profile on there a few days ago (nothing to do with me) and we're not friends on FB, he just doesn't have good profile security! I sent him a text message but he'd probably blocked my number on his phone so I have no way of knowing if he got it. Tempted to re-send it from a friend's phone but probably not worth it.

Kin seriously, does that not make you feel even slightly taken advantage of? What kind of person does that? She must think all her Christmases have come at once. No wonder she looked upset when you questioned it, who would want that gravy train to stop... Sorry if I sound harsh but I hate pisstakers.