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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dating Thread 128: the one without a catchy title

999 replies

RunsforCake14 · 11/02/2018 11:15

Dating thread rules:

  1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
  2. Develop a thick skin.
  3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
  4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
  5. Trust your gut instinct.
  6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
  7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
  8. If it's not fun, stop.
  9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread
OP posts:
NewYear2019 · 11/02/2018 15:50

Ruby definitely a problem with him not you. If you genuinely smelled bad he would have ditched you at the first date and never made it to the bedroom.

NewYear2019 · 11/02/2018 15:50

love exciting!

Lovemusic33 · 11/02/2018 15:52

Ruby I wouldn’t be seeing him again, he sounds rude. He obviously was having problems and thought up an excuse, a pretty bad one. I’m sure like all of us you get ‘sex ready’ before a date which includes a deep clean Grin he’s obviously either really sensitive to smell (I doubt it very much) or he lying. I wouldn’t talk to him again, can you imagine being in a relationship with someone who’s going to make such horrible comments?

Lovemusic33 · 11/02/2018 15:55

Mr Bike has asked to see me again but hasn’t messaged much since he’s got home but then again he said he was going home to take pain killers, I think he hurt himself as he’s only a week post surgery after a very nasty broken bone which he had pinned 😐

Rubypanda · 11/02/2018 15:58

Thank you so much. You're right love - I spent ages getting ready.

He said he thought it might be because I was excited 😶 as he hadn't noticed the smell before.

Whatever it was I I need to take your advice. So often I read advice given by you all and the recipient doesn't always agree or want to hear what you say. But you are right - collectively on this thread everyone must have experienced everything at one stage. I could've written tom's love bombing post myself.

I'll see him this afternoon and say thanks for the hygiene advice but it's a no from me.

Back to POF and Tinder I go...

Lovemusic33 · 11/02/2018 16:01

I think he’s the one with serious issues Ruby most normal men go crazy for the smell of a excited woman Grin ,don’t let it upset you as it’s him with the problem. Don’t let it knock your confidence, get yourself back out there to find a real man.

ValMc1 · 11/02/2018 16:06

Ruby - think he has erectile problems and was embarrassed so put the blame on you. Not good - I've been chatting to someone all day - seems nice but his messages are quite short - not from the UK so could be losing something in translation. Tried POF - can't seem to see anyone who is interested without paying - am I missing something?

chockaholic72 · 11/02/2018 16:11

I wouldn't take it personally. Like someone else said, it could be pheromones that are incompatible.
I used to sit next to a really nice guy in the office. He cycled to work, had a shower and hair wash every morning when he arrived - I could smell the shower gel, so I know he'd used it. But an hour or so later, his natural smell used to kick in, and it absolutely made me gag. He could have looked like George Clooney and I wouldn't have gone near him.

Lovemusic33 · 11/02/2018 16:25

Val you don’t need to pay on POF it’s not worth it, you can message without paying, the only thing you can’t do is see who has clicked on ‘match’. I find I get more messages if I view people’s profiles, it’s a tiring boring process but they see when you have looked so then look at your profile and some message. The more active you are on POF (randomly looking at people) the more people will see you. Also using the App seems to make you more visible to others.

pudding21 · 11/02/2018 16:49

Ruby: that would mortify me. I can't imagine why he would say that, its kind of mean. He could have just said he didn't feel the time was right. I would be done after that I think.

I am getting all a bit disillousioned with men in general. Thing is I really do like to have a mans company. I am not looking for a serious relationship, nor a one night stand. But I have to really like someone to have sex with them, but i am really missing sex, skin on skin contact etc. Anyway here is one for the experienced daters.

Yesterday I connected with someone who was quite close in distance, turns out he was here photographing an event and was staying overnight (actually lives over an hour away). Thats ok, he is quite beautiful and the conversation was going really well. I was out until late last night and a bit tiddly so we spoke on the phone. All very nice. But something stuck in my head,m one of the first questions he asked me on Tinder was if I was married. I said of course I wasn't, he said he wasn't either. When he added me to whats app, it came up with his full name so this morning I had a look on facebook and found him quite easily. On one of his photos a woman with the same name commented on it, and I could see her profile picture was of her and a guy that looked just like him. But he had sunglasses on so it was hard to tell. So I'm thinking perhaps he was fibbing. It could of course be his sister, but the photo looked like it was a couple. Anyway, he called me earlier, I ignored the call as I was snoozing. Should I just ask him again and tell him what I saw, i wasn't snooping as such, but it sounds a bit stalkery maybe.......Any ideas? I feel a bit meh because he was the only person I have felt I wanted to talk to on the phone. I am chatting to a few guys on whatts app via text, but I am not keen to rush to meet any of them.

Tomorrow I do have a lunch date with hot surfer, the cynic in me is thinking he only wants sex, but the thing is he leaves on Friday...

My architect is still super hot, he came over yesterday, we had some flirting but I cannot work him out. He looks at me like he wants to ravish me, he laughs at me all the time and smiles, hangs around for longer than he needs to. I feel like i should say something but we will be working together over the next few months and I dont want it to be awkward if he isn't up for it.

Oh and my last FWB that ended suddenly but on good terms. I saw him on tinder yesterday, I swiped right (we have had hardly any contact at all) it was a match, he messaged me straight away. I would see him again, but before it was quite intense, and if it gets like that again I feel like I am just wasting time with other potentials. But I miss him in a way (this would definately not ever develop into anything, for that I know for sure, but he is an amazing lover and a cool guy).

Help!

Kinunir · 11/02/2018 17:09

14 weeks in with MissIntellectual and I am still absolutely smitten and can feel that she likes me without any doubt, but still cannot figure out if she fancies me.

Seeing all the mooseburger stories on these threads, I really feel like I'm missing out!! Envy

Do I stick or twist?

sweetbabboo · 11/02/2018 17:22

Just placemarking, will do a proper catch up after bambinos bedtime.

esk1mo · 11/02/2018 17:52

Thing is I really do like to have a mans company. I am not looking for a serious relationship, nor a one night stand. But I have to really like someone to have sex with them, but i am really missing sex, skin on skin contact etc

this is exactly how i feel. its so hard to find. i dont see the point in a ONS. i want a casual relationship, like sex but also lets go for food, or cinema. without them thinking i want to meet the parents because i could share a burger with them.

me & MrForeign chatted over coffee for 2 hours. hes very sweet, id enjoy a situation like the above with him. we shall see. definitely wouldnt kick him out of bed, and id be up for food/cinema. but my last relationship lasted 5 years, i dont want anything like that .

esk1mo · 11/02/2018 17:55

kinunir you havent DTD in 14 weeks? are you physical at all?

Smeaton · 11/02/2018 18:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Kinunir · 11/02/2018 18:01

esk1mo correct / nope

esk1mo · 11/02/2018 18:08

have you tried to make a move? Shock

Kinunir · 11/02/2018 18:15

I've made my intentions clear, without being pushy in any way, on a number of occasions

Stmoritz · 11/02/2018 18:16

last good luck for your date!

ignoringthechoc speed dating is booked for 28th feb, never done it before but looks like a set number of men and women, all very organised and it’s £20 each. I hope a drink is included in that! The only thing that is slightly bothering me is it’s for people in their 20s/30s and I’m 39 so probably most men will be too young for me and I’ll look old compared to the other women (including the three in their early 20s I’m going with!) but I’m sure it’ll be a laugh. There’s another one next month for older people so that’s an option. Will report back!

esk1mo · 11/02/2018 18:40

what was the response? id never make a someone i wanted to sleep with wait that long, maybe a month at a push Blush or 3-4 dates

Kinunir · 11/02/2018 18:45

I've never waited longer than six dates/four weeks but I'm smitten stupid this time around!

dancemom · 11/02/2018 18:57

Kininuir do you have any physical interaction? Do you kiss etc?

Have you discussed it?

Lovemusic33 · 11/02/2018 18:59

pudding if you google his name you can there is a site that will come up where you can check where someone lives (what town and road), it is linked to the electrol roll and it says if there’s anyone else living with that person who’s also on the roll. If he is married her name will be on there. How do I know this? I checked up on Mr Marathon who I was dating a few weeks ago as I had suspicions he was married. I’m also queen stalker 😝

Kin 14 weeks and no mooseburger would drive me nuts. Is there any sexting or dirty talk at all? If not I would be a bit worried.

ValMc1 · 11/02/2018 19:11

First weekend of OLD and it has left me a bit disheartened- had quite a few hits but really why put those sort of photos up? Some are so bad - been chatting to 1 guy but seems a bit quiet - he is not from UK so could be losing something in translation - hope it get a bit better lol

Lostlily · 11/02/2018 19:13

Hi team
Well I'm going to see Mr Smiley on wed...yes Valentines day :-)
So lets see where this little journey goes shall we. He is very attentive with the messages, very confident and sensible Hmm not sure if he passes the Kitchen Worktop test yet .....but he could certainly get me up onto it!......he was easily 6ft
He is bald, which I have never gone for previously and didn't think I likes but he has a lovely face and nice eyes.
Exciting.... very unexpected seen as I have kind of brushed him aside for several weeks thinking he wasn't for me .....