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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Other woman

244 replies

Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 19:12

Please don't judge me but I'm involved with a man who has a wife and kids abroad.
Wife and kids know about us and gave given blessing as it's allowed in thier culture. We all talk on Skype. My guy says he loves me alot.
He is very committed to his family sends money to them etc but also appears committed to me. Am I doing wrong pls.
I know I'm probably gonna be slated.

OP posts:
Jellyheadbang · 10/02/2018 17:47

What is their culture? Where in the world is this acceptable? Genuinely interested.

Lifeisabeach09 · 10/02/2018 17:47

Lucky, you could date a single English guy, fall in love, end up with a chancer and heartbroken.
We are conditioned to think that Western monogamy is the moral high ground. It's not.
His wife knows about you, you know about her.

DriggleDraggle · 10/02/2018 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Masterbuilders · 10/02/2018 17:52

Ahh the reason for the thread is now clear. You don’t want anyone to tell you it could end in tears. You only want people who will tell you it’s loves young dream. You should have said and saved three pages.

Your situation is totally different to LifeonaBeach’s. Nothing to do with people being afraid of different relationships. He’s already told you he’s committed to his family, he has no intention of going home to get a divorce so you can have the happy ever after. Like that situation. You’ll never be his wife.

I can’t help but think this is either a wind up or you have very low self esteem and need some kind of justification to a situation, you know long term, you’ll never be his family.

Zebra31 · 10/02/2018 18:02

He is very committed to his family sends money to them etc but also appears committed to me. Am I doing wrong pls.

What was the point in posting the thread? Was it because you were hoping people would sympathise with you?

It saddens me watching another woman set such low expectations for herself and her future. I don’t say that to be mean. It’s just so sad.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 18:55

Maybe I'm in another world but I feel happy with him

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 18:57

This happens a fair bit in his country its because I'm western woman that it appears so wrong.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 18:58

Would u slate me if I was woman in that country coming on here.

OP posts:
Wellfuckmeinbothears · 10/02/2018 19:03

I wouldn't slate you. I would think you just as gullible and desperate as you are now.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:04

Desperate for what

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:05

I like him he likes me so what's the desperation. And you just this minute slated me lol.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:05

No way gullible I trust my gut

OP posts:
Zebra31 · 10/02/2018 19:05

This happens a fair bit in his country its because I'm western woman that it appears so wrong.

Would u slate me if I was woman in that country coming on here.

This demonstrates your lack of comprehension about what people have said. Or this thread is wind up.

But, in answer to your question. Yes I would feel just as sorry/sad for a woman in his country of original and my advice would be exactly the same.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:06

Anyway I didn't expect this thread to be so popular I have heard enough so let me be to face whatever.

OP posts:
TheButterflyOfTheStorms · 10/02/2018 19:09

We are conditioned to think that Western monogamy is the moral high ground. It's not.

I don't care. I do care about systems where men get to fuck around and women get to put up with it. But OP doesn't want to ask him about that. For some reason. Happy to be with a misogynist, I guess.

Wellfuckmeinbothears · 10/02/2018 19:10

Desperate for a shred of attention. Desperate enough to bed a married man. He's different is he? How long have you been on mumsnet? Have you read the threads about affairs? The devastation caused to all parties is awful.

I feel sorry for his kids, his wife and for you.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:10

Look I see where everybody's opinion is coming from and I get it. I never said I disagreed with comments they could be very valid and for alot of people they probably are.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:11

Not an affair it'ss in the open

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:13

I can't be bothered now just leave this thread.

OP posts:
Masterbuilders · 10/02/2018 19:13

You one sound very, very young. Two your responses show you haven’t understood what people have said. You’ve read the words, but the comprehension isn’t there.

I think it’s a wind up and you knew it would get such a response. I can’t believe someone would behave like you have. I don’t mean with this guy, on the thread. You’ve have your fingers in your ears the whole way through and said you’re leaving the thread about 7 times but keep coming back.

If you’re happy and you’re so confident that you will have a happy ever after, this thread is pointless. Like you say you’re happy, it’s all good and you don’t know why you posted either. Just get on with it.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:15

Why u think I not understand I do fully

OP posts:
Darkbendis · 10/02/2018 19:20

It's still an affair, even though it is in the open. You are having a relationship with a married man, who will not leave his wife. Apparently she's fine with it. Probably she's happy to have him away from her for good reasons, and as long as he supports him and the kids (and he will,) it's all hunky dory. Super, it's going to be great.

Until it won't be. But hey, you surely know what you have got into, so good luck. You'll need it. Unless he takes you as a second wife (it can work in other countries, not in UK) you will just be the mistress, "the girlfriend", the one bit on the side, the one who at the end of the day can be discarded at a whim, the one who will not be respected by his family and friends from his culture. Sorry, OP, I have seen quite a few situations like this when apparently the man was all love and affection but in private his opinion about the gullible girl who was so in love with him... well, let's just say, wasn't good. Your case might be different, who knows. But be prepared that it could end in tears.

Fionne · 10/02/2018 19:20

Op, the mistake you’ve made in your thread is the fact there are western posters here who’ve married and gone abroad to live in the culture your referring to and can recognise a nonsense thread when they see one.

You really do have to try harder next time.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 10/02/2018 19:21

It's just that we are going round and round covering the same thing over and over now

OP posts:
Charismam · 10/02/2018 19:22

It's your circle to square lucky.
Good luck

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