Other woman

[Lucky6266]

Please don't judge me but I'm involved with a man who has a wife and kids abroad.
Wife and kids know about us and gave given blessing as it's allowed in thier culture. We all talk on Skype. My guy says he loves me alot.
He is very committed to his family sends money to them etc but also appears committed to me. Am I doing wrong pls.
I know I'm probably gonna be slated.

I know about the culture

There is literally no indication of what you wanted from this thread. Your situation is very sad, yes and you are clearly being taken advantage of.

Also you are barely literate, which unless there is some back story would indicate possible learning difficulties which could mean you are more vulnerable than some. Is that the case? If so do you have any support where you could explain your situation to someone who is in a position of care for you?

No sexual relation outside of marriage. Second wife permissable with permission from first wife.
He must be able to support both wives.
Both wives to be treated equally.

Just fast typing ducking but I have mild disability yes

You obviously all think that he is gonna up and abandon me one day.

I don't think that's even the point lucky.

Because that assumes that being alone is the worst possible outcome. It default assumes a fear of abandonment if you see what I mean.

If you were to find yourself single tomorrow, would you easily be able to fill the extra free time? Or would you fear the free time? Are you creative, do you read, write, paint? Play an instrument? study? make mosaics, murals, dress make, learn a language!? pot hole? skuba dive? what floats your boat? Do you know?

being single is not necessarily a bad outcome in my book so I wouldn't say you must dump this guy because you could end up with nothing because the 'nothing' referred to there is a relationship with another person. But a Person who has a much stronger sense of herself and her worth and a person who has NO FEAR of filling her free time probably wouldn't want what you have. Do you see the difference? I'm sure you can think of a woman who seems to have it all sewn up and she just wouldn't want this.

Lucky, you should NEVER have put yourself up in the dock and invited others to judge you. That to me shows that you are very conflicted yourself which is the point. It doesn't matter what the rest of us think, this is your conflict. Your cognitive dissonance.

Please read Mr Unavailable and the fall back girl by Natalie Lue. You will enjoy that book. She has a humorous way of writing. It's enlightening and it can do you no harm at all to read it.

Second wife permissable with permission from first wife.
Not necessarily. And where is the indication he can keep you?

buy this book Lucky

I credit that book with sending me on a very interesting reading journey. I finished natalie lue's book and then read a couple of books about attachments styles, looked in to my own parents' parenting of me, Donald WInicott psychologist described my parents very well and it all suddenly made sense to me and the insight and knowledge I have now feels like a superpower that protects me not only from making bad choices but being TEMPTED to make bad choices.

Read this book and see where it takes you

Okay thanks charismam I will take a look.

I can't imagine life without him. I would struggle.

Is there someone you can talk to in real life? I would have a genuine concern that you are being taken advantage of- and asking for support would be a really good idea (without knowing what your mild disability is it is hard to say, but I have a childhood friend who has some learning difficulties who has been in a similar situation with a man taking advantage of her vulnerability and good nature and it didn't end well).

Do you have a social worker or family member you can confide in? You would be so much better out of this situation.

Lucky2666 I think it's you who feels he's going to abandon you
Insecure springs to mind
MN thread closed! Several times on here (from you) you can't seem to help yourself
Post post post
Stop!
you are winding yourself up for whatever reason only you know!
Maybe it's a cheap BB for him with extra services from you included
Tell him to sling his hook you are worth more than this!

6266 sorry typo

Going no contact is very hard at first. But read the book first. It is easy to raise your bar when anything below your bar turns you off. Cos then life without somebody who turns you off would be easy.

From what you have said (or specifically not said), I am v concerned you don't really seem to understand or appreciate the situation you are in. But you do not seem to be interested in others experience or advice. As far as I'm aware it is not the usual practice to take subsequent wives because you are working away. Given that you prefer to avoid details which could help ppl to understand your situation better or give more relevance advice, I wonder what you intended from this thread. I'm really not sure you're getting anything from this relationship long term, but you're obviously hiding your head in the sand over that one. No bunfight at either the OW or religious/cultural angle and then we have the mild learning disability reveal. If this is the case you should be getting help and understanding from as many sources as you can, but you don't appear to want this. Baffling.

Anyhow, none of my business, but you refused to mention receiving the math (despite saying you were answering all q), and if you didn't, I would suggest his intentions are not good in the long run. Does all your knowledge of 'his culture' come from him?

So you are his wife and not his girlfriend.

OP - so does this mean you are his wife now? If so, i dont see the issue? What im getting is that you are very insecure about this whole thing, and with good reason - how do you know how many other women he has on the side. You will forever be questioning it. His wife seems ok with it - how do you know she hasn't been forced into accepting it, that she needs the money he sends her and so she has to seem happy about it - you dont, do you? You seem desperate to get some sort of approval from the users on here - why? Have you no courage in your decisions? Why did you post OP? Is your self esteem low? Can you see someone in real life?

Doh! Math = mahr. Stupid autocorrect.