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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Other woman

244 replies

Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 19:12

Please don't judge me but I'm involved with a man who has a wife and kids abroad.
Wife and kids know about us and gave given blessing as it's allowed in thier culture. We all talk on Skype. My guy says he loves me alot.
He is very committed to his family sends money to them etc but also appears committed to me. Am I doing wrong pls.
I know I'm probably gonna be slated.

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Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:38

I am separated won't be having kids with him

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Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:40

Okay I believe he has feelings for me but I don't know where our lives will go

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Havana7 · 08/02/2018 22:49

I had a friend in this situation and his parents threatened all sorts when they found out. Unless he is willing to divorce and commit to you I would stay well clear! You have no security at all

Lunettesloupes · 08/02/2018 22:49

How incredibly romantic

mpeters82 · 08/02/2018 22:50

Think she fine with this as financially he still has to look after her and children. I think he can have many wives.

I cannot judge you for being with married man. I been there and it's horrible. Just once you get out of this walk away you be okay.

Historicallyinaccurate · 08/02/2018 22:52

I reckon many a man would seek female company when thousands of miles away from family
Disrespectful. Are you OK with it because it's his 'culture' (Im assuming it's not yours,
so why are you okay with it )?
Or are you OK with it because his wife and DC are overseas? In which case you're a morally corrupt piece of work. Who hopefully gets her comeuppance when he finds his next gullible lover. Grin

mpeters82 · 08/02/2018 22:55

He has to say it 3 times but even if they do divorce. He may still go back stay with her and kids. But they may live together separated for kids sake.
Not only that he could be married to his cousin. Which means there always be family issues. Which you need to think do want a life like this

CougheeBean · 08/02/2018 23:00

Do him and his wife love each other?

TwentySmackeroos · 08/02/2018 23:02

I cannot imagine any situation in which I would find myself on a chat site speaking to a married father of four who wishes to improve his English Hmm and not excuse myself politely and run for the nearest hills.

Myheartbelongsto · 08/02/2018 23:10

Treating other people like shit because of culture is still treating other people like shit.

tafftum · 08/02/2018 23:13

Are you genuinely happy with sharing a man op? Would you not want one who is all yours?

yetmorecrap · 09/02/2018 00:34

Can you seriously not find anyone better than this because I have to be honest and say I wouldn't bother. It's not exactly setting the bar very high is it. Wife and kids probably think fantastic, a western woman to fleece off!!! May I suggest you get a few copies of Take A Break, I've read this same story zillions of times and wife and kids fully aware and having a laugh about it. Guy finds vulnerable western woman, next thing she is sending cash or inviting him over, 2 years down the line bizzarley it doesn't work out and he has in the meantime fleeced her and funnily enough back with his wife .

Lucky6266 · 09/02/2018 02:55

Well. I don't have money so there will be no fleecing off meGrin

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MistressDeeCee · 09/02/2018 05:36

If you don't have money you are probably not the only one he is seeing whilst away from home. & youve been married before haven't you? You won't be deemed a prize worth staying with for life. Even if you did have money he's still married, and of a culture that doesn't exactly rush to be with western women. But you don't have anything anyway so, double whammy for you.

He must be financially supporting his wife & kids. Its the done thing. So there's a way he is managing to do that. & you know what that way is.

You are being used and despite your laughing faces in your posts, it's you that will end up with an unhappy life and wasted years, over a man. I suspect you aren't smiling really. Just enjoy it whilst it lasts

cantfindausername2 · 09/02/2018 05:58

OP, i would be worried for the motives of the wife being ok with it. Will you be working hard so he can send money to support his family?

SandyY2K · 09/02/2018 07:48

I'm genuinely wondering what you really want from this thread TBH.

If you're happy...then carry on doing what you're doing.

If you're not happy...make the necessary changes.

Lucky6266 · 09/02/2018 09:05

Used for what though I'm not giving anything to him.

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Lucky6266 · 09/02/2018 09:06

And just to clarify I'm not giving out money to the family.

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awoken3 · 09/02/2018 09:35

islams not a culture it's a religion and it doesn't allow sex before marriage so he isn't very Islamic is he.
It's to do with whatever messed up culture he's from

Zebra31 · 09/02/2018 09:51

I feel so sorry for you Op. Your self worth and self respect must be very low if you actually believe that this situation is in anyway healthy. What kind of man/ person would flaunt their current shag to their wife/children who live so far away. Then again what kind of person would allow themselves to be flaunted in that way.

CaMePlaitPas · 09/02/2018 10:00

Don't be so naive OP.

Lucky6266 · 09/02/2018 10:20

Oh come on it's not all about shagging.
This is the problem isn't it everybody thinks sex sex sex that's all it is in these circumstances

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Lucky6266 · 09/02/2018 10:22

Doesnt anybody here think it's possible to actually be in love.
Yes it's no romantic novel but what if there is care and love involved.

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Lucky6266 · 09/02/2018 10:24

And I think it's evil for somebody to wish misery on a person and end with a laugh Whiska but then again that's the sort of people we get on mumsnet lately.

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Lucky6266 · 09/02/2018 10:25

Some people take great delight in this its downright nasty.

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