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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Other woman

244 replies

Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 19:12

Please don't judge me but I'm involved with a man who has a wife and kids abroad.
Wife and kids know about us and gave given blessing as it's allowed in thier culture. We all talk on Skype. My guy says he loves me alot.
He is very committed to his family sends money to them etc but also appears committed to me. Am I doing wrong pls.
I know I'm probably gonna be slated.

OP posts:
Willswife · 08/02/2018 20:50

His wife being okay with it tells you all you need to know!

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 20:50

I may get someone sensible lol

OP posts:
Charismam · 08/02/2018 20:50

I'm not going to abuse you. Many years ago when my self-esteem wasn't great and I was lonely I fell for a load of crap too.

There is a script on mumsnet that a married woman is a good woman whose feelings must be protected and an OW is an evil homewrecker. I don't subscribe to anything so black and white but I do think that it's not a good move. It's a self-destructive decision. It'll erode your self-esteem

If you expected to be berated here then you shouldn't have put yourself up in the dock almost challenging people to condemn you.

If you're comfortable with the situation you wouldn't invite others to flagellate you. I suspect you're not really at peace with the situation.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 20:52

Charismam thank u

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 20:53

There is alot to this and I suppose I was hoping to drop on someone I can talk to

OP posts:
Charismam · 08/02/2018 20:54

Think about what you want though. Seriously. If you want a lasting relationship, maybe to get married, it won't be to this guy.

You got prioritise your own agenda rather than falling in to step with somebody else's agenda. I learned this hard lesson depressingly late in my life.

ColourfulOrangex · 08/02/2018 20:54

Op I'm not sure what you were trying to gain from this post, you're happy, the wife is happy and he's definitely happy Wink

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 20:54

I hesitated in posting on here because mumsnet isn't how it used to be.

OP posts:
ColourfulOrangex · 08/02/2018 20:54

You need to be happy for the right reasons though, don't settle

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 20:56

Charismam what happened to you

OP posts:
clownfaces · 08/02/2018 20:57

But if everyone is happy about it, why are you even asking? Confused
Unless of course you're looking for a bunfight Hmm

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 20:58

Because I know my situation odd and my own mother is up in arms

OP posts:
clownfaces · 08/02/2018 21:03

I just think the thread is odd.

Charismam · 08/02/2018 21:03

ach it was SO long ago. I had been single for most of 20s and I was so lonely. I didn't know why not a single man I was every interested in wanted to go out with me. I was lonely. Then through work friends I met a man and clicked and it was easy. He told me he was only with his wife for their son. Blah blah blah blah blah. I was 27 and he was 34. Not a massive age gap but I was so naive and inexperienced and lonely compared to him. Eventually I just got turned off. There was no dramatic speech where I announced to him that I deserved more. I just grew to not want him any more.

You are going to think this is all a bit Oprah but the secret is to become a stronger version of yourself. So that your bar is NATURALLY so high you just wouldn't WANT to do this.

Read ''Mr unavailable and the fall back girl'' by Natalie Lue and also ''Attached'' by (I think) rachel Heller.

Date yourself. Be brave. If there's something you want to do go and do it. What did you do between the ages of 8 and 14? Roller skating, playing the guitar!? go and do those things again, purely for the enjoyment. It kinda re-charges you.

Willswife · 08/02/2018 21:04

Do what makes you happy. Ignore what others think

Do have your eyes wide open though. Sometimes unconventional setups work, but ask around the married women you know and see how many of them would be happy with their husband sleeping with someone else.

The reality is, you are highly unlikely to find one and therefore you have to question why this lady is okay with it?

If you're prepared to take what's on offer and not expect a happy ending then go for it, if your expecting marriage and happy ever after then run (fast).

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 21:08

I cope with setup because she is overseas

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 21:08

I understand what u mean though

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 21:09

I do wonder why she happily accepts and the kids who have taken to calling me auntie

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 21:10

Children are 7 12 16 and 18

OP posts:
Myheartbelongsto · 08/02/2018 21:57

Those poor kids.

What a fuckin circus.

What is wrong with some women that they have to be someone's but on the side.

Honest to fucking god where is your self respect.

RazzleDazz1e · 08/02/2018 22:02

Not for me m, but this is very normal in some cultures/religions. OP just do what makes you happy- you will never get 100% validation for anything.

If you come on a public forum and ask for opinion though you have to expect and accept the negative as well as the positive posts.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:02

It's different culture

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:03

That's fine but not swearing and insults

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:04

Where are those people's self respect

OP posts:
MadMags · 08/02/2018 22:08

I wouldn’t worry about the poor fictional kids caught up in this.