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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Other woman

244 replies

Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 19:12

Please don't judge me but I'm involved with a man who has a wife and kids abroad.
Wife and kids know about us and gave given blessing as it's allowed in thier culture. We all talk on Skype. My guy says he loves me alot.
He is very committed to his family sends money to them etc but also appears committed to me. Am I doing wrong pls.
I know I'm probably gonna be slated.

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:10

I don't think fictional I have spoken to them

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:11

My mom thinks 2 kids could be with other woman

OP posts:
MadMags · 08/02/2018 22:14

I wasn’t talking to you...

Cherryberrypie · 08/02/2018 22:19

Yes but it's his culture, and not yours. And there lies the problem. Listen to your mum, she sounds like a sensible woman.

TwentySmackeroos · 08/02/2018 22:20

You've spoken to 'them'? The wife and the four children?

Maybe he thinks you are the love of his life and worth leaving his family for. Maybe he is just happy that 'their culture' allows for someone on the side. What future do you see in either scenario?

If I was your mother/friend/sister, I'd be telling you not to set up a life for yourself in these inauspicious beginnings.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:22

Oh madmags well it happens to be my post lol

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:24

Honestly the rudeness of some

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:25

I have spoken in turn but not together

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:27

Maybe I'm stupid lovelorn woman but I am happy with him and think alot of him

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:28

I can't just up and leave because of his baggage

OP posts:
Winteriscoming18 · 08/02/2018 22:28

Out of interest what culture is that?

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:28

I don't know about future I'm just living for now

OP posts:
Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:29

It's islam

OP posts:
Winteriscoming18 · 08/02/2018 22:29

So an arranged marriage?

Lunettesloupes · 08/02/2018 22:30

Super. Can’t see what all the fuss is about. What could possibly go wrong here? Hmm

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:30

His marriage was arranged

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 08/02/2018 22:31

It depends, re acceptance. Must admit where I'm from if the man is overseas and playing away then the wives often turn a blind eye. As the other woman is normally funding the man in some way to keep him so, it's easier for the family all round. The wife and kids will get the financial benefits of that in a roundabout way.

& tbh sometimes wife has her own life and doesn't much care. He'll be back when he's back.

Eg you can find it with overseas students or anyone seconded to UK for any reason. A woman here will meet the man believe it's all true love. Bankroll him. Even provide a roof over his head. But eventually no matter what he says, he will return to his homeland and life. These men are always upfront about bring married so you can't really censure them when they eventually abandon you. They already have their get out clause.

& then sometimes you're just a diversion for the time they have to be here anyway. Sex, comfort, company. Even if it wasn't solely about finance

Just be with him if you want to, it's your choice. Why not, if you're happy? But he has a wife and kids so you're naive if you think your relationship is for life. That's all.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:31

I know it could go wrong but I will have to pick myself up somehow

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 08/02/2018 22:32

What culture is it? Do bear in mind ..that if his culture allows another woman...he'll have no issue finding another woman in addition to you.

Could be his wife had another man to meet her physical needs and is fine as long as the monthly keeps coming...

Lunettesloupes · 08/02/2018 22:33

I’m sure there’s a long convoluted argument that you can use to convince yourself that this is fine. Or you could go out with a single man instead

Myheartbelongsto · 08/02/2018 22:33

Ffs stop before that happens!

Winteriscoming18 · 08/02/2018 22:33

Well it depends on your own beliefs doesn’t it? Would you be prepared to alter your faith in favour of his and everything that it entails. You could be one of many women on the side that his wife knows about.

Worldsworstcook · 08/02/2018 22:34

Can I ask OP where you think you will be in a few years? Are you wanting children? If his wife is okay with it then rock on but I'd worry about what you want in your future.

Original poster
Lucky6266 · 08/02/2018 22:37

Really I can't say 100% that everything above board.
However here was a guy on his own for a few years with supposedly no female I his life. Friend says to him go on chatsite and improve your English. We come across each other and get on well. I reckon many a man would seek female company when thousands of miles away from family

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 08/02/2018 22:38

It's also obvious you're unhappy and unsure of yourself as you're here wanting people to argue with you. Youve started a thread based on nothing really. You've got mentionitis re this man, you want to talk and goad and fight about him. None of this will help you tho, apart from a little vent before returning to uncertainty in the real world.

I don't think you'll get much of a fight round here, you'll just be seen as deluded (ie pretending it's all lovely and happy) and gullible. The thread will die out soon enough. Best make yourself happy in real life

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