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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is going to hurt

279 replies

WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 18:53

I shouldn't be posting because it's too raw but I've got no-one else to talk to.

Boyfriend, been with him for nearly a year, I adore him so does my DD.

He was out drinking all day yesterday, I met him in our local before going to town with the girls. He was kissing me, telling me he loved me.

I was going home to his house, got in about 1.30. My key wouldn't work. His was in the other side.

I shouted, he came to the window and let me in.

I walked in the living room and there was a white thong on the floor. I walked out of the house, round the back to see some old slapper clambering over the wall.

He was drunk, he's sorry etc etc

The pain is physical, I feel like someone is kicking me in the stomach over and over again,

I close my eyes and see him in the bathroom with his head in his hands, then I see me, him and my DD in bed together yesterday morning trying to give the biggest hugs.

Please please someone tell me this isn't my fault and the pain will go

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/05/2007 14:00

Well, irrespective of what you choose to do with him and what future you have - make him go to an STD clinic anyway and have tests. Especially the one they use for gonorrhea I think - you know - the one with the little umbrella thingy they stick up their you know what (am posting at work and have to watch language ), and inflate umbrella before pulling down.......

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/05/2007 14:02

Just a few questions to mull over...

Would you do the same if you were paralytic?

Is he going to stop drinking FULL STOP if he apparently cant help himself when drunk if you DO get back together?

How can he prove that you can trust him - honestly?

Is he still crap with money like he was before this happened and has this changed your view on whats important - or compounded what you were thinking anyway?

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/05/2007 14:04

Oh, and twice he has broken your trust....TWICE - in ONE YEAR.

What honestly WOULD be the last straw for you?

moondog · 01/05/2007 14:05

What was the first time he broke her trust then?

tiredemma · 01/05/2007 14:11

Im really sorry to hear this WB.

You are such a funny, witty, lovely person- you and your beautiful daughter deserve much more than this.

bundle · 01/05/2007 14:17

WB, I've only just caught up with your terrible news.

What a twonk

You deserve so much better, x

FioFio · 01/05/2007 14:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Judy1234 · 01/05/2007 14:25

There's a huge difference between someone getting drunk and doing that, Christmas party type infidelity and falling in love with another woman, spending hours talking to her etc. That's much more betraying than someone who doesn't much matter. But in general I think 26/39 is not a good age gap anyway. Age gaps don't always work very well.

ThomCat · 01/05/2007 14:29

Oh WB, I'm so sorry.

The drunk excuse is no excuse at all. He knew the woamnn he was taking back to his wasn't you. He's a twat that thought with his dick. YUCK He doesn't deserve you. How will you ever trust this man again. It's all so vile. You deserve someone who can respect themselves and more importantly you and your DD.

BibiThree · 01/05/2007 14:35

I am sending lots of ancient Welsh spell-casting voodoo type thoughts at his willy to make it and everything it touches shrivel up and turn green.

How are you feeling today?

Cappuccino · 01/05/2007 15:05

"If I were dating someone around or over 40 and they were still playing games after a year, that'd be the end of that."

well said as usual expat

it's not about age

it's not even about age gaps - obviously WB is far more mature than dickface will ever be

a bloke who should have grown up by now, finds a beautiful, loving woman prepared to spend the rest of his life with him, and doesn't have it in him to keep a hold on it

WB you know I love you and if I could send my dh round with his Kung Fu kecks on you know I would

and your dd is not far off the age of mine (and my parents divorced when I was about that age as well - and I can't remember a thing). They're little, that's all. She might ask where he is for a bit. But then she'll get busy with something else and it'll get forgotten.

lots of hugs and those pink things that they have on Other Sites

Cappuccino · 01/05/2007 15:09

no matter how drunk he was

he was sober enough to think to lock the door

he was sober enough to think to get the tart to jump out the window

he was not that drunk

that drunk would be unconscious, imo

bluebubbles · 01/05/2007 15:23

excellent post cappuccino being drunk is a excuse that is used for far to many things

ThomCat · 01/05/2007 15:28

Exactly Cappuccino. He wasn't so drunk that he thought the woman was you. He knew he was taking back a woman to his house and thought to leave his keys in the door to give them both a warning. The only excuse he's have where alcohol and his performance is concerned is that he was so drunk he passed out and some woman jumped him but he remained passed out. No other excuse would do. He's not worth it. He really isn't. So, so sosrry babes but he's a bad smell in your life.

FioFio · 01/05/2007 15:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

bluebubbles · 01/05/2007 15:34

maybe it was a totally innocent meet up between 2 friends, but the guy was very drunk and forgot to put his trousers back on once he had been to the toilet, he walks into the living room just wanting a chat but in his drunken state he falls over and lands right on top of the old slag just as she is taking her knickers of to check if there is any loose change in them

Daisypops · 01/05/2007 15:34

I'd get the white thong and go wrap it round his neck! Or hang it on the end of a very long twig and walk in to the pub with it shouting 'anyone lost a grubby pair of skiddy knickers?'

Daisypops · 01/05/2007 15:36

No seriously WB, you are so strong and I admire you for that. Hes a tosser who will end up sad and lonely and you'll go on and meet some nice fella whos worthy of you and your lovely little girl.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 01/05/2007 18:10

Moondog - i think you ought to ask WB - I dont want to say in case she doesnt want to go over it again.

hunkermunker · 01/05/2007 19:40

WB, my love, I'm so sorry, have only just seen this You deserve so much more, my darling - and if you put this "man" where he deserves to be put, you will find it, I promise you.

He was paralytic - so how did he fuck her? Why was he not limptastic? I have to go, but am thinking of you xxxxxxxx

NadineBaggott · 01/05/2007 19:46

Oh welshy how horrible for you!
I can't offer any advice and you should just follow your own instincts anyway. What everyone else would do is irrelevant to you and your situation.

I'm just sorry that you're hurting so much.
Sending you love and a big hug JTx

chirpygirl · 01/05/2007 20:01

Welshy, poor you. I have been away from home so only just seen this. What a cock. Am totally for you.
I hope you had a fab day out, atleast the weather's been good for you both.

(This may sound like a strange offer, and feel free to ignore me, but as a complete stranger who isn't far from you I am happy to meet for coffee/play in park if you want to get anything out of your system or have a rant? )

FiveFingeredFiend · 01/05/2007 21:23

How was your day?

mylittlestar · 02/05/2007 11:27

WB how are you?

Been thinking of you lots. This thread has really affected me (as someone currently forgiving her dh for having an affair!).
Reading some of these posts really makes me question whether forgiving my dh is the right thing to do - I want to so much, but I fear he's now become someone who I could never trust again. That's not the lifetime relationship I want.

I totally relate to your feelings. Your heart loves him so much and wants him with you. Your head says that you deserve so much more.

I don't know the answer. I've followed my heart so far, but sadly I think I may need to start listening to my head.

Hope you and dd are ok xx

FoghornLeghorn · 02/05/2007 12:26

WB, where are you ?