Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

[Tumbleweeds24]

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

What makes his betrayal so much worse is that he knows exactly what my last boyfriend put me through. I was in a very abusive relationship and suffered horribly from being 17-22, when I met this one he had me thinking he was some sorts of knight in shining armour and that I had my happy ending. What he has done to me and our family hurts more than any punches I endured, that much is true

Hi OP, just caught up on your new thread. I'm so sorry about how this has turned out, what a spineless piece of shit he is. Just want to agree with others, make sure you give your son your surname. I hope you are getting some support from your family. Sounds like the ex was a victim of his lies too, but tread carefully as she might end up back with him.

I suspect your vulnerability was part of your appeal I'm afraid. It makes a particularly unpleasant person.

Him a particularly unpleasant person. Not you. Obviously.

I was all new and exciting at the start, carefree and child free, then I fell pregnant and suddenly I wasn't so exciting anymore. He hadn't had her for a while and had no reason not to, his boring girlfriend at home wasn't putting out much with all this SPD she's suffering from.

That's how I predict it went for him. I don't think he ever saw a long term future with me. How can you spend 2 years with somebody and not tell them you love them? His birthday has just came and gone, I spent more than I should have - to let him know I appreciate him.

I wish I had it in me to slap him clean across the face, sadly it's not in my nature but I'm bloody glad he took a hiding last night (If he didn't do it himself) if he wanted sympathy from me then he didn't get it so wasted his time.

Do not put him on the birth certificate under any circumstances! It will give him automatic rights to stop you taking your child away, to interfere with schooling and much more.

You do not need him named as the father to claim maintenance.

Speaking from personal experience here. Also make sure the child has your surname.

Feel free to pm me if you want to know more about my situation but I promise you OP single parenthood is not so bad and it is MUCH nicer than parenting alongside a waste of oxygen like this poor excuse for a man.

OP: I wish I was closer to you as I’d love to take you and your son out for a few hours for lunch or just a cuppa to give you a massive hug.

These next steps are all about you and your son. Don’t be bullied into a particular way by ANYONE. Do what’s best for you both.

I think people are been hard on the ex this woman was left pregnant and had abortion even had several which we don’t know if your ex manipulated it sounds like she’s been a victim herself of abuse and often or not they tend to go back to their relationship. I don’t think she’s necessarily the enemy here that arsehole of a man is. He has tried you appallingly and pitted two women against each other. I know it’s hard op but try to stay strong. Well done for not letting him weasel his way back in.

The Ex isn't the problem here....it's him. He's the one doing all the lying, cheating and disclosing your private information.

He's the one making you out to be a bitch and making her out to be an evil woman all this time.

It sounds like he was never goid enough for you anyway. You seem to have a lot more class thsn him and come across as an intelligent woman.

Thanks everyone for being so nice

Call me a mug but if it wasn't for the fact a baby was conceived, and having the knowledge he isn't genuinely remorseful, I could have forgiven a one night stand. I think. With a stranger at least. But this? This is too much. I'll remember this every bloody christmas now.

I regret having him at the birth and seeing me so vulnerable. I regret ever meeting him. I wish I could go back and have my precious little boy with somebody else.

I suppose at least now I won't have to smell his putrid feet anymore or spend 45 minutes waking him up for work anymore because he's spent the entire day on his Xbox. He won't have a job in a weeks time I guarantee that much. His ex had to dedicate as much of her evenings to getting him up for work as I did, he simply couldn't hold down a job if he didn't have somebody dragging him out from his pit to get there - and even then he'd be ridiculously late.

Then there's the emotional immaturity and inability to communicate, the lies and the fact he's bad with money, no bills would be paid if I didn't take responsibility for them to badger him to pay them.

No wonder he doesn't have many friends. He is an utter shit bag.

Found out last night that after putting his paraletic drunk ex of 7 years to bed, he went in the front room and fucked around with one of her friends - all while their baby son was in the room asleep.

I had no hope did I.

Where the ex is concerned, her children are half siblings to the OP's DS so they should develop a cordial working relationship at the very least. Not friends but not hostile or suspicious of each other. The ex DP will try and put you against each other again, though, so do keep your head screwed on, @Tumbleweeds24

Oh OP, at least take out of this that you have your beautiful son.

I hope his ex doesn't get back with him either! I can't believe the level he's gone to!

I think me and her are going to facilitate a relationship between the children away from him, that's the gist I got last night

A small silver lining in amongst the hurt I guess

That is the best you can do, but I would also set clear boundaries to make sure you are okay and can cope emotionally.

He's just rang me, moody monotone acting like he has been wronged.

He's off to pay the rent he says, after telling me he handed in his keys to work last night. What was I saying about his job? Fucking loser that he is

You do pick'em op. Onwards and upwards. Make sure you make your next partner treat you how you would treat people. In the meantime enjoy your previous baby.

Was that just on Christmas day (2017) that he messed around with her friend?

I agree with Emy talk to your health visitor and get the support that you need, you are in a very vulnerable position.

Don't look to his ex for support or friendship, she knows him well and keeping you close may be for her benefit not yours.

Concentrate on you and your lovely son and keep moving forward and don't allow them to involve you in their toxic relationship.

I messaged my own ex last night just before I went to hers, he's the only friend I know around here that isn't a colleague or relative. He's more of a childhood friend than an ex and I don't have any feelings toward him but he's there to listen if I need him. I needed some unbiased company to vent to.

He drove over from the other side of London to sit with me for half an hour and have a coffee at 10.30 even though he had to be up for work at 4. I appreciated that. No agenda or revenge ploys but I can't wait for the cunt to hear about that. I called the decent ex up from shitbags exes flat to say I was on my way home so that will probably get back to him and i hope it does :-)

SO he hasn’t jacked in his job? Why? That makes no sense. Why does being caught out as a cheat mean quitting your job? I don’t understand. Is he planning on running away? Is that why he needed his passport?

Tumble I would be VERY careful about any relationship with her for the children right now. I know right now you're feeling vulnerable and need some silver lining somewhere but this is way to early and raw to even consider.

You can't guarantee she didn't embellish things last night. She knew you existed, and she stabbed you in the back too. Like i said earlier she dud NOT have your best interests at heart, I wouldn't bet on it now either!

Please take some time to find you, settle with your new baby and stay out of the drama. There is plenty of time for the children to meet but at days old this is just not the time.

OP do the freedom project.

Programme! Not project

I've no idea why he jacked in his job, that's if he even has. His workmate said he did turn up to the workplace for all of 10 mins then left again. Couldn't confirm whether he handed in his keys or not

Now I'm unpicking things it's typical self destructive narc behaviour, I can see much of this in him now if I look hard enough without the rose tinted glasses on.

He's probably claiming to have quit because I said I was going to CSA.

He isn't planning on leaving the country he couldn't afford to even if he wanted to