Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

731 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:03

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

OP posts:
Graphista · 29/01/2018 02:43

I don't think he's close to being a narcissist he's a classic example!

In the woods my fucking eye! You know the lengths of lie he will go to!

It's actually in your interests NOT to have him on the birth certificate as that will give him parental rights and I can see him being the type to give you grief over going on holiday etc when baby older ESPECIALLY if you meet someone new much better

So I wouldn't chase that too hard if I were you.

He's full of shit!

MotherofaSurvivor · 29/01/2018 02:46

Christ he does sound like my ex! He did the same!! I went ballistic on him a few times for falling asleep holding her and whilst she was in her SWING! Before she could even hold her head up! He had zero sense of what is acceptable with a child.

He now has a Caution for Assault by Neglect of a Child. This is the tip of the iceberg but I ended up needing a Non-Mol Order and a Prohibited Steps Order. The latter being to prevent him from running off with her as he is on her birth certificate. That is one bonus for not having him on your son's birth certificate. He will not be granted Parental Responsibility.

I need to sleep now but message me! And you keep talking as there are always people on here. You stay positive and keep your head held high!!! X

Graphista · 29/01/2018 02:46

I'd be blocking his number in your position - no need for you to be getting pestered all night.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:46

Yea I don't believe he was at any woods. Who would go and sit in the woods at night other than a sex pest.. oh wait??? Lol

Defo at his dad's or a friends. He can't handle the cold he's always moaning about it so he wouldn't go and sit in the woods.

Yea I think he must be. A narc that is. I was with one before it was a very violent relationship though and he seemed the polar opposite of my ex, but after 2 years there's still time to see the mask slip of course- which it is now

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 29/01/2018 02:47

He wants you to take him in. Don't do it.

Remember all his lies, right up to the last second.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:48

Thanks very much mother

I'm glad you and your precious daughter are safe away from that awful excuse for a human being x

OP posts:
faerveren · 29/01/2018 02:48

Does he have epilepsy? Dead to the world biting his tongue.

Sounds like you are wavering. Don’t get drawn in any further.

Why bother texting him to see if he’s going to be a father? Don’t open the door, don’t text and if he doesn’t leave phone the police.

Lillygolightly · 29/01/2018 03:04

Oh my gosh tumbleweed I’ve just read through your previous thread and updates and I’m so sorry for all your going through. You’ve been given great advice you just need to stay strong and it will hard with your hormones after the birth of you precious new son. Remember what a shit and liar he is and don’t let yourself waiver or fall for his crocodile tears.

Motherofasurvivor: reading your post about what happened to child chills me, I literally can’t bare to think of your poor baby crying and alone. I’m so glad she’s ok.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 03:08

He's outside. He wants his passport and ID he said, so I opened the window and passed it to him then closed the window and the blinds.

I think he's still out there not sure as don't want to keep checking.

He does have a load of bruises and grazes on his face, as well as mud all up his jacket. Looks like he has been whacked for sure. I have no sympathy. That's karma isn't it.

OP posts:
Graphista · 29/01/2018 03:13

I honestly wouldn't put it past him to have self inflicted those injuries - easy enough to do. Pretty much guaranteed to get him synpathy usually.

His ex got brothers? That's the other possibility. In which case yep karma!

He doesn't need his passport/ID at this time of night that's just an excuse to come round

Graphista · 29/01/2018 03:14

He could also just have got pissed n fell over.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 03:24

My ex narc used to self inflict injuries and claim he's been beat up you know, so I wouldn't rule it out.

The ex doesn't have any brothers that I know of but I'm not sure. I think they'd have said something if it was related to her, her and the sister have been in touch with me constantly since I left the flat.

Just looked out the blinds, he's sat on the curb smoking a cigarette doing something on his phone. Probably texting the next poor cow a load of lies.

Thank god I found all of this out now before I registered my baby with the full name he had chosen and his surname, all in the nick of time

OP posts:
BattleCuntGalactica · 29/01/2018 03:28

Well, it's pretty nasty weather outside tonight, so if he wants to wallow in self pity whilst playing Stig of The Dump in the woods, then so be it. If you're lucky then he will end up like Jack Torrance!

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 03:51

Oh battle that did make me smile, thank you. I needed to feel something other than numbness even if for a second

OP posts:
BattleCuntGalactica · 29/01/2018 03:55

Turn all the lights out in your place, then just don't look out the window anymore. Let him think you've gone to bed. He can freeze his bollocks off so hopefully he won't be able to use them again ever.

You could always call the police and tell them he won't go away and you're concerned for the safety of your child. Perhaps he might get a nice night in a cell.

Hortonlovesahoo · 29/01/2018 03:59

What an evening for you OP. I’m so sorry that he’s turned out to be such a lying arse. Take it easy and try and get some rest but definitely don’t let him in and talk to your landlord tomorrow. I’d expect that the ex would take him back after he’s spun her the next set of lies but you don’t need to accept that. You are strong. You are a wonderful caring mum. You’ve got this!

MyOtherProfile · 29/01/2018 04:07

I've just read your previous thread. So sorry he's turned out to be such a bastard. Thinking of you.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 04:52

I'm laid in bed unable to sleep. I'm getting teary now, it's starting to sink in. I'm registering baby today and I can't seem switch off and rest at all. Everything seems so big and beyond my comprehension right now. All I can make sense of is the fact he's ruined the most special time of my life. My poor baby

OP posts:
Elllicam · 29/01/2018 05:03

I’m so sorry, what a total wank stain. I wouldn’t be putting his name on the birth certificate either.

Whooptydoo1 · 29/01/2018 05:05

Just read this thread and your previous one OP (I’ve been up with a baby) he’s a sack of shit for what he’s done and doesn’t deserve u or ur son, u sound lovely and have bent over backwards in the past to help him, and be understanding, u owe him nothing. I feel for u and ur son, but ur baby is lucky - he has u as his mum, that’s the main thing. Try and get some rest, even if u can’t sleep, stick a shit film on or read a magazine, let itself feel sorry for urself, uv had a horrible shock and a shit time. Think of all the lovely moments u and ur baby will share together free from his shit x

MyOtherProfile · 29/01/2018 05:05

Your baby will be fine. You will love him and life won't always be like this.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 05:06

When I was round hers she told me that this would have been her sixth baby to him. They decided between them not to continue any of the other pregnancies other than the two children they have, but she's keeping this one.

Why abort so many times not feeling ready for more children yet desperately want to keep the baby conceived through infidelity whilst he's in a new relationship with a newborn baby. I'm not saying she planned it but she must be thinking of this as some sorts of ticket to get him back, she has to be, otherwise it doesn't make sense for her to want this one but not the others. Does it?

OP posts:
ApacheEchidna · 29/01/2018 05:11

He was never a keeper OP. Cut him out of your life altogether and build a life for you and DC that is entirely independent of this loser.

Yes technically he has an obligation to contribute financially to his offspring - but it's obvious that a loser like this will never actually contribute much and it won't be worth the hassle.

Yes technically he could enforce contact (more about the dc's right to know their father) but the courts would need him to demonstrate sufficient non-loser capabilities that one can be confident a child will be safe with him and tbf it doesn't sound like he can manage that.

Make sure all communication is in writing from now on. Don't speak to him. Keep everything. You may need to demonstrate in court what an utterly unreliable liar he is.

Hortonlovesahoo · 29/01/2018 05:23

I don’t know what’s going on in her head OP but it could be she felt pressured to abort the others by him and this is her making a “stand” for what she wants? It’s her way of defiance?

I honestly don’t know. I think there must be some pull there. If you can, try to get as much written information from her now as possible that could help your case. I think he’ll worm his way back to her and she may not be so willing to talk?

Desmondo2016 · 29/01/2018 05:25

I hope you are asleep now but if he is still outside, please call the police.