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Original poster

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

731 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:03

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

OP posts:
MotherofaSurvivor · 29/01/2018 01:57

If he doesn't show up tomorrow then you cannot name him on the birth certificate.... Tell him this.

Then tell him to stay away from you both. That you're leaving the flat and it's up to him to pay the rent from now on. What a bastard!

Do you have his Mums' number? X

Mxyzptlk · 29/01/2018 01:58

£40 quid a month? Good luck getting the rent, then.

Seriously, you need to have as little to do with this creep as possible. Get the legal stuff sorted out and take no notice of his self-pitying whining.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 29/01/2018 02:00

OK he is hoping you will fall for that crap and say “oh no, you’re not a shit dad, I want you to be involved blah blah blah” don’t fall for it. You’ve told him about the registration, it’s up to him to be there. Don’t fall into the trap of being responsible for his side of parenting. It isn’t your job to nag him to turn up and text him to remind him of times and dates etc. It’s his job, if he fails, he fails. You’re not there to massage his ego either when he is feeling sorry for himself.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:02

The sudden willingness to rectify his defaulting the rent is, in my opinion, down to borrowing money from his father.

He said earlier prior to going to his exes that his dad owes him 200 pounds and he was ringing him to ask for it back. Everyone at the exes flat is of the opinion that his dad won't owe him sweet F.A and he's been round there moaning he can't afford the rent, so will have asked his dad to borrow it to him.

He's on his way here apparently, after having been sat in the woods. Fucking idiot I don't want to let him in.

OP posts:
DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 29/01/2018 02:02

I mean just look at that text. His first contact with you after destroying your world and who is it about? Him!! He didn’t apologise to you, ask if you were ok, ask if the baby was ok. Nothing. He made it all about him. That tells you where his priorities are. He is all about him and getting you to feel sorry for him and make him feel better. Telling you he is in the park? That’s so you will worry and offer him his bed for the night. Don’t fall for it.

DonnyAndVladSittingInATree · 29/01/2018 02:03

Don’t let him in!!

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:04

I'm selling his Xbox in the morning. That'll go some way to paying his half of the rent. Or am I liable for arrest if I do that? I don't want any police at the door

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 29/01/2018 02:05

Why doesn't he go to work, where he's supposed to be?

TemptressofWaikiki · 29/01/2018 02:06

HeebieJeebies456 The not so ex is not OP’s enemy and it’s not really about her motives. This isn’t some trashy daytime TV show where women are pitched against each other. The guy manipulated both of them and told them a pack of lies. The OP has been very dignified about this, so there isn’t any need to slag off the other party or her reproductive decisions.

So sorry to read all of this OP. But focus on you and your gorgeous baby right now. Speak to the landlord when you can but just take it one day at a time in the moment. It’s better though to have a sudden even if horrible ending, then it all going on for months and months, draining you and you knowing deep down that something is foul. Just prioritise though on your and your baby’s wellbeing for the next few days.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:08

He told her that he tried to kill himself in June because he missed them all so much lol he's full of shit. This sitting in the woods lark is just a milder version of that. He's been at his dad's hiding.

Yes all about him. For a dumb sob he's edging close to being a narcissist isn't he.

I just laughed at his last text. More of a scoff, but it's better than tears right?

I suspected him a liar but after today I'm dumb struck at just how big a liar he is. There's been at least 50-60 lies uncovered and I'm not even exaggerating.

I don't have his mum's number but I'll ask for it. I got his dad's number from his ex so I could text him earlier about his shit head son attending the registration as his phone was off.. so I'm sure she will give me his mum's if his mum doesn't mind.

He isn't getting in this flat no way. I might treat him to some cold water out of the window when he arrives though

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:11

He was supposed to be working 6pm until 6am in the morning but because all of this kicked off he didn't go. He rang them and said he isn't going and not to contact him.

After he ran off from his exes flat (well downstairs) after I railroaded him there to have it out.. He went to work.. so am told by his workmate.. then disappeared (met his dad) then apparently went and sat in the woods.

He makes me cringe

OP posts:
TemptressofWaikiki · 29/01/2018 02:13

Ooops more posts appeared while I wrote mine. Good for you! I would not let him back into the flat, till you had some time to think and process. I would personally not be too worried about the legality of selling his stuff if the rent is due. I’d be already listing stuff now!

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:16

Lol sorry I'm spamming arent I! Just so angry. Glad I have somewhere to blow off steam. Hope I'm not boring anybody

OP posts:
MotherofaSurvivor · 29/01/2018 02:20

You're not spamming!!!!! You rant away lovey!!!

MotherofaSurvivor · 29/01/2018 02:21

I've been there and talking is the best therapy :) Inbox me if you like and I'll reply in morning. Pls don't fall for his pleas to let him in! He just wants somewhere to stay tonight!

TemptressofWaikiki · 29/01/2018 02:24

Better out than in! It’s healthier to vent here. Deep down, he might have got a kick out of the drama of two women fighting over him. Well, at least in his deluded mind. However, you don’t have to be a protagonist in his cheap drama. Now you get to redefine the rules. I’d still recommend a home vasectomy though… Grin

TemptressofWaikiki · 29/01/2018 02:26

PS: I’d text back and ask for the post code of that bench in the woods to forward his stuff… Grin

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:26

Thanks mother I will do x

Just received another text. He's 20 minutes away. I replied and said save your energy you're not getting in go back to the woods.

He said that's where he was going to sleep as that's where he deserves to be. It sounds like he's admitting it now doesn't it, that's a far cry from the "I haven't done anything wrong she's a lying bitch, I'm not being accused of things I haven't done no way"

Now he deserves to sleep in the woods lol. He deserves to sleep in a damn ditch alright. I'm booking an sti check, god knows where else he's been.

OP posts:
nolongerlosingmymind · 29/01/2018 02:26

Tumble.... I never comment on here but am de-lurking to offer support as what you are going through right now must be so incredibly painful.

I can’t help but wonder about the validity of the exes claims though. Can you just take them with a pinch of salt for now?
Something doesn’t add up - she is close to his mum, but states she didn’t know about your pregnancy / the baby until Xmas? But his Mum knew... that strikes me as odd, amongst other things she has indicated so far. You also know some of what he has said about her being difficult is true as if I recall correctly you have seen some of the conversations between them. As others have suggested, be a little wary of her for a while perhaps. I’m sure this will evolve over the coming days. For now you rant away and take care.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:29

Oh and another text. He's hiding from the police for fighting with two strangers. It serves him right he says and he's glad they did him? (Sic)

What a crock of shit lol. He couldn't fight his way out of a wet paper bag. Let's see if he turns up with any bruises.

Well saying that he was quick to shove his exes 16 year old sister this evening. I told her she should ring the police, she didn't want to because of all the kids - but I would and will if he ever tries that shit with me.

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Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:31

Thank you nolonger

I wish it wasn't true but I believe it is. He looked as guilty as sin from the word go, and acted it. It makes too much sense to be false.

Also his tone has changed in recent hours he's now all "I deserve this I deserve that" I'm a shit cunt etc etc. Those aren't the ramblings of an innocent men no way.

I'm done with him. I've seen him for what he is and now a while other side to him which is beyond childish.

I actually hope somebody has given him a whack lol

OP posts:
MotherofaSurvivor · 29/01/2018 02:36

I'd tell him if he contacts you again, you'll call Police. You'll see him when he takes you to Court (mandatory mediation is actually the first step before any court hearing, but still...) for access. This is on the grounds that you clearly don't know who he is or if he can be a consistent father to your child. Which he clearly can't! He kept his kids from meeting their own sibling purely to protect his own secret. That is not a responsible father...

Please don't ever leave him alone with your son. As I said, I've been in your position. I then left him alone with our daughter and he fucked off to work for the day! Whilst I was in hospital! She was newborn. On her own. All day. She nearly died. (Hence my username) I thought I knew him. He was the very last person I thought would EVER do such a thing to a child, especially not his own daughter whom he adored and had a 'special bond' with. Yeah. Well he did.....

Obviously I'm not trying to imply that this guy would do the same because of what my ex did. Just that when you think you knew them and realise it was all an act - you have no idea what they're capable of. Him being a 'devoted daddy' to his older kids was an act don't forget.... He kept them away from you as part of an act. Away from their sibling as part of the act. And above all USED seeing them as an excuse to see HER! All. An. Act!!!!! Beyond narcissism. No Father I'd want anywhere near my kid!!!??

nolongerlosingmymind · 29/01/2018 02:39

I agree from how this has evolved from the very start of your first thread this explanation does all add up. Im sure there will be some embellishment from her though. You must be in shock right now - and him being in contact with far fetched stories won’t help.

This is desperation from a man who has been well and truly caught out. Will be telling for you to find out how he is handling this from the other side with his ex. Although for now, your priority is of course you, and your little one.

I’m so sorry your early weeks of being a new mum are turning out this way.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:40

Jesus Christ I'm so sorry for what the bastard did to your poor daughter that's unforgivable. How somebody can do that, and to their own child. Ghastly :(

I've always been a bit funny about leaving him alone with baby. He has a tendency to fall asleep then doesn't wake up to newborns cries. Also caught him dosing whilst holding him twice. Another time I came through in the morning to see baby in his basket crying and he was slumped forward in his gamers chair dead to the world, he bit his tongue aswell. Fucking idiot.

He's texting incessantly now. "My dad wouldn't let me stay there he's furious with me, and whatever state I'm in just leave me be" (sic?)

Wanker of the week.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 02:42

I agree nolonger, pure desperation on his park and it absolutely stinks

He's saying his dad wouldn't let him stay there because he's disgusted in what he's done. There's his confession

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