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Original poster

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

731 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:03

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

OP posts:
43percentburnt · 04/03/2018 06:12

I would report this to ss and your health visitor so you have evidence on record. Keep the voicemail and if possible get it recorded onto a second device too.

Sadly when daddy meets a new woman and she asks why he isn't in contact with his children he is likely to want access/costody/shared care. This will involve court threats etc all in an attempt to impress his new girlfriend.

A recording and ss involvement now may help prevent this in 5 years.

Badtimegirly · 04/03/2018 07:01

Wow Tumbleweed, I just sat here and read the thread from start to the last post. You've been offered some good and honest advice and support from others here.

Someone said to me yesterday, life is never plain sailing, which is true but sometimes we just want a calm sea.

I hope you get a calm sea today Tumbleweed, you've been through a few storms of late.

mamahanji · 04/03/2018 07:20

I think as a mother, you know whether what you saw was acceptable or not. It sounds unacceptable. Not to mention the lack of trust already there because he turned out to be a lying scum bag.

I wouldn't let him near my child either because I couldn't be sure what he wouldn't do.

Sleep deprivation is so rough. It's a form of torture. Not to mention losing your partner. We still manage not to roughly handle our babies don't we...tell him to fuck off with his self pity at his own mess.

NaiceBiscuits · 04/03/2018 07:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 04/03/2018 10:03

I think that's spot on about him convincing himself he's this doting father, he is deluded. If he cared one iota about any of his children he wouldn't 1) roughly handle his young baby and 2) go weeks without seeing his older two.

I'm going to ring my HV and see if she suggests taking him to be checked out too. I saw the entire process of how he handled him (luckily) so I know he wasn't 'injured' per say but picking him up in such a way is dangerous nonetheless.

I can't believe he's put me in this position after everything he's already done. He is a total POS.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 04/03/2018 10:04

Just realised it's Sunday and I won't be able to get a hold of her ffs :-(

OP posts:
mamahanji · 04/03/2018 10:12

Call 111. Or better yet just go to A&E. The nurses and doctors will 100% be more than happy to check him over to make sure he is absolutely fine. They are fantastic and always follow the better safe than sorry approach and have never made me feel bad for having my kids checked when they are actually ok.

SandyY2K · 04/03/2018 10:19

It really doesn't matter whether he did it intentionally or not....He did it...

It wasn't accidental. He's minimising.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 04/03/2018 10:22

He is minimising yes, completely.

I'll take him to A&E. He seems the same as he always is but I've still got that worry. I'm dreading this, I hope they don't think badly of me or that it's something I've done myself. I know of cases from reading where a parent has taken their child to the hospital to be checked and then been prevented from taking them home

OP posts:
Worldsworstcook · 04/03/2018 10:37

Keep up updated OP!!

Dancetothebeat32 · 04/03/2018 10:59

Take the little man to a&e, they will have to report to social services by law, they may want to contact the police as well, just explain what has happened, do you have the voicemails or texts stored ??

Lizzie48 · 04/03/2018 11:22

You're doing the right thing, @Tumbleweeds24 a squeeze at 7 weeks could be so damaging. And if you didn't do anything and then had to take him in another time, for a totally unconnected reason, and they found an untreated old injury, you could be in serious bother.

And yes, make sure you keep the voicemails saved on your phone.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 04/03/2018 11:41

Just waiting for my mum to arrive she's coming with me. It wasn't a squeeze it was pulling him out of the bouncer really fast, it's hard to explain it, best way I can put it is that he "dragged him" out the bouncer and into his arms if that makes sense

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 04/03/2018 11:44

Yes it does. He's probably ok but you do need to be so gentle with a tiny baby. And definitely better to be sure. Thanks

blueskyinmarch · 04/03/2018 11:58

I am a social worker and have worked in child protection. I have been involved with many an injured baby. I would get your DS seen as soon as possible, tell them exactly what happened and keep all the messages which your ex sent you. Hopefully your DS will be fine but if he isn't he will be in the best place to be treated. You may have to go through a long process involving police and SW but the outcome is likely to be that your ex can have no contact with your DS while an investigation is ongoing. It is men like your ex who go on to severely damage and even kill small babies. You are the one who needs to be the protective parent. Good luck.

Springiscoming123 · 04/03/2018 12:38

op you need to make a permanent decision on this

you said you would not let him round the flat before then you go quiet on here for a week and im guessing thats because you are having him around and then something goes wrong your on here

sorry but it does sound like drama and when your seeing each other you dont post

make a decision and stick to it and yes i have been in a very similar position with 3 children in the mix

you really need to make a decision and stick to it,sorry but thats whats coming across

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 04/03/2018 15:17

No you are right spring, I only post when I'm upset. I rarely use forums unless there's something specific I want input on. That is true.

I should have been consistent and just stuck to public meetings, I didn't foresee anything like this happening though and aside the fact he's a cheat, I had no concerns regarding him and baby, so I couldn't see the harm in letting him come here.

Baby is fine. He's not going to be seeing him again, not at my home or anywhere else. Yesterday changed everything. It's no longer about the fact he's a cheat, it's now about protecting my child which I will do and would have done from the word go had I seen him be so inpatient and negligent before. There wouldn't have been any further visits, full stop.

I've been advised to take my post down because I've put a lot of personal info on here and after yesterday I'm not to have further contact or do anything to aggravate the situation. He knows I post online so it's best I don't post any more on the subject. I'm going to contact the mods and request it be taken down now.

Thank you for all the advice and support I've received since late January, I appreciate it.

Take care all

OP posts:
FlippingFoal · 04/03/2018 15:18

I'm really sorry to hear the update. I hope everything goes OK at the hospital

Lorddenning1 · 04/03/2018 15:24

I hope everything goes ok for you, perhaps in a couple of months u can start a new thread to say how u and baby are getting on x

Lizzie48 · 04/03/2018 15:32

Hope all goes well, I know you and your DS are going to be fine, you're a great mum. Thanks

Springiscoming123 · 04/03/2018 15:43

the best of luck to you and toby,its utter crap for you now but it will pass

he has done one positive thing and given you Toby,that he cant take away from you

AcrossthePond55 · 04/03/2018 15:48

Hope this posts before the thread goes poof.

Just want to say best of luck and much happiness to you and T.

MrsAJ27 · 04/03/2018 16:02

Tumble wishing you and your son all the best for the future.

Take care x

mamahanji · 04/03/2018 16:26

Wish you the best and your son has a fantastic mum who is doing a brilliant job.

You are brilliant.

Myfavouritechild · 04/03/2018 16:26

Before the thread goes, keep a copy so you have everything written down. Not just his actions but your feelings around everything. When you feel like you are slipping back, reread them. Good luck

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