Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

[Tumbleweeds24]

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

Hows it going Tumbleweeds24 hope you and Toby are still doing ok. X

How are you Tumble? Is today a tough day? Hang in there

been thinking of you! hope you're okay

Hi all

I'm doing ok, but not without provocation from them idiots. He and I spoke and agreed not to mention what's happened anymore, to leave it in the past and only to discuss his contact and Toby.

We met at the local precinct a few times then I let him come round the flat.

I had a few silent calls (can't prove its them) which I mentioned to him then he made a comment whilst he was here about not being caught up in the internet drama they're doing. That prompted me to unblock them idiots to see what he was talking about. I didn't message them but did look.. low and behold they're posting a load of old rubbish directed towards me on Facebook. The ex, her sister and her friend who I don't know. To add insult to injury HIS mother has joined in, god knows why because we've never spoke, he barely speaks to her himself.

Apparently I think I'm "queen bee" and am more bothered about getting my hair done and putting on make up than my little boy which is a lie. I'm not remotely high maintenance so why they'd say that I don't know.
I'm also a bitch and a slag, the usual crap.

Swiftly blocked them again and told him were going back to meeting in public. That'll teach me for letting my guard down.

I just don't understand their problem or why they're getting nasty all of a sudden. I'm the one who's been wronged.

Stay strong Tumble. IME other people either embrace positive, strong people or they feel threatened. Your Ex’s family clearly fit in the latter.

My Ex’s family used to tell me I was losing too much weight and looking haggard (I was at a healthy weight), and my ExH regularly accused me of thinking I was better than him (I was ). This was all a result of their own shortcomings.

Just ignore those morons and carry on making a wonderful life for your DS that they aren’t capable of providyfor their own DCs.

Yeah, he wanted you to have a look, or he wouldn't have said anything.

You're better than them, and they know it, that's why they're slagging you off. I've only ever seen clips of Jeremy Kyle, but they seem like the type that go on there. There's always drama in their lives, and if there isn't any (during a quiet period), they manufacture it so they can play the victim, the wronged against, and get all their friends rallying around with their "You ok hun".

I'm glad you've blocked them again. Best ignored. He probably wanted you to lay into them on FB, so he could have women fighting over him.

Meh, just ignore.

Tumble, I've been lurking for a long time, and just wanted to say well done! You sound so grounded and sane!

If you ever find yourself thinking thoughts about what your little boy is missing out on with having no contact with his half siblings, take comfort in the the thought that their father will not be with the ex for long, if at all. He couldn't keep his thinking parts to himself when he was with you, so it won't be long before he's got them in someone else entirely, making more unwanted children. His life will slowly spiral into a miserable existence of half relationships and half-arsed parenting. Let's face it, he's most of the way there already. And it is all, every bit of it, self-inflicted. If there is a danger, it might be that eventually your anger will wear off and you will start to pity the dopey twat.

Meanwhile, you and your little boy will be happy. Families are not about quantity, but quality. Your son has that in spades, from the sound of things.

:-)

J.

They had to revert to their drama because when you blocked them and chose not to engage they couldn’t just leave it be. They needed to feed their drama and satisfy their need for gossip/drama/stirring somehow so they had to just engage in it themselves. That’s fine though, it doesn’t matter what they think or say as it has nothing to do with you or your lovely little boy. Disengaging was the right thing to do and if you ever needed more proof that you really don’t want any of them in your life then you have it there.

You can say to your ex that you are not the one in the wrong here it’s all true.

How are you holding up - are you ok?

They probably think you are out of the drama and ain’t suffering. She is, and she wants you to hurt too.

Thanks everyone, they are a miserable bunch for sure. I think the part that's irked me the most is that his mother has decided to get involved with all the pettiness online but not once approached me and asked about her grandson. That alone shows me what kind of family they are, fancy not giving a hoot about an innocent precious little boy.

He probably did mention it so I would go and row it out with them but I won't give them the satisfaction. I was talking to my HV about it yesterday and she agrees they're just trying to goad me for a response. I won't give them one no matter how much they're pissing me off.

He is without a doubt one of the most stupid people I've come across, to ruin something so good for all of that crap. I hope he goes back to her out of loneliness so she can make his life a misery, which she will, because even if she does want him back she will never let him live down the fact he was with somebody else. She's clearly that type, vengeful.

I'm ok thank you ldnmummy, they're all nothing more than a fly in the ointment and I'll laugh about all of this one day in the not so distant future

Think how much it's pissing them off that they're getting no response from you.
And have a laugh about it right now!

It's a shame you have to allow contact for your son, with this jerk. But you're a much better person than any of that lot, so keep on keeping on.

My aunt had a pop at him the other day when he was here visiting little man, she's seen all the crap on social media aswell and says she doesn't know how she has the audacity to say I care more about getting my hair done than I do my little boy and other petty comments - when she's bringing the kids up in squalor.

He said "You aren't going to report her are you" and started worrying. I've told my aunt not to bother as that's not something I'm going to do myself out of spite - but it says alot about him how he's happy for the children to be getting poorly all the time because of the environment they're in and not do anything to sort it out. Any father worth his salt would make sure she sorts that flat out for the kids sake, the cats wee on the older child's bed which she does nothing about, hasn't even neutered them, and the dog never gets walked so only has the flat and the balcony to do it's business on (which the kids play on!)

She will get the short thrift from the midwife/health visitors when the new baby comes no doubt. The only reason she hasn't been warned before now is because she didn't live where she does when she had her kids.

That's the type of person who has the cheek to question my parenting and care for my son.

Sorry to rant I'm just bloody irritated to be honest, rather here than to her. All I'm trying to do is raise my boy in peace and I've got the likes of that trying to wind me up for no apparent reason

It’s rubbish tumble but you are right to stay above it. All that drama and for what? Do you think he will go back to her? She will really struggle with 3 kids. He has truly messed up his life but that really isn’t your problem. Is he still living with his dad?

Yeah, rant away here and get it out of your system, or you might be tempted to post on her page, and give her the attention she wants.

Hopefully the midwife/health visitor will flag it up with SS. I feel sorry for those poor kids, being brought up like that.

He said himself he doesn't think she will cope with three kids. That'll probably be the carrot to get him back there "they are your kids too and I'm struggling on my own"

Silly woman they deserve each other.

Yep still living with his dad but claiming he's being given his marching orders. He will be back at her hovel any day now I'm betting

Keep your head above all of this craziness. They absolutely deserve each other and you and little T are way better off without it.

We certainly are best off out of it. It'll be no loss to me or little man if he does go back there and she stops him seeing him. In fact it'll do me a favour and I can then stick two fingers up to the lot of them

Jeez, this has all turned into such a mess, over the last few weeks. It's no wonder you're feeling worn down by it.

You're right to completely ignore all of them, except for arranging contact visits.
Is it possible to start having those somewhere that you don't have to be there, so you don't have to see or hear his idiocy? Maybe at your aunt's place? Or ask your HV if there's any way to arrange supervised contact.

Don't feel you have to allow contact very often at the moment, anyway. Just do what you can cope with.

There has to be a special place in hell for people like him. Does he realise what he has done? This is not some soap opera but he has left a young woman that has been really good to him on her own with a tiny little baby. And the ex is pretty awful, I pity her kids I really do. What a chaotic upbringing, what chance do those poor kids have in life? Your little T will be so much better off and you can be so proud of that. Does he know about the birth registration yet?

He knows about the registration yep, He said he understands me changing his name but is really upset about the fact i didn't allow him to be present and named on the certificate. He got quite pissed off actually, until I pointed out he's using his contact time with his son to argue about something that he can't change.

I certainly did do alot for him. Every month after he had squandered his wages I'd be forking out for his cigarettes and food every day until his next wages came in, that's without presents and whatever else. I bought him a big new tv before Christmas for his stupid gaming.. what did i get for Xmas? Bugger all.

I don't want to think about the amount of money I've wasted on the shit. He's no type of man at all.

I may just do that and talk to my HV about supervised contact at a centre so I don't have to be present. She knows all about the crap he's put us through so she won't be surprised to hear I'm sick of the sight of him.

The first two occasions I saw him after the split were really hard because after we parted ways I just broke down. I actually missed him, not that there's anything to miss. It's still hard now except I'm not pining anymore I just feel anger and resentment above all else

I had savings put aside once I came out of work for maternity leave, not alot granted, but they've all gone now. I used them to carry his sorry arse through his skint weeks every month now I wish I never bothered. Luckily my maternity allowance has started so I'm not hard up, I just resent wasting a single penny on the likes of him. Fucking prick. Ugh

You were missing the guy you thought he was, not the jerk he's turned out to be.

He showed himself to be a completely crap dad, as well as putting you through a lot of distress when you should have been enjoying your new baby in a happy partnership.
Because of that, he disqualified himself as someone you'd want named on the certificate and he has no right to be pissed off about it.

Is his ex deffo pregnamt,could she be lying