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Original poster

Follow on from my AIBU thread 'to be sad about DP spending Christmas at his exes'

731 replies

Tumbleweeds24 · 29/01/2018 00:03

Had to start a new thread here. I posted in aibu in December as I was 36 weeks pregnant and my partner was spending Xmas at his exes.

I suspected foul play and finally found out today that they slept together on Christmas day, she's now pregnant. He's been lying to us both for months and when I went to speak to his ex in person he's done a runner saying nobody will ever see him again and turned his phone off. He's also fucked me over in not paying the rent.

Currently cradling my 2 week old son wondering wtf I'm going to do.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 11:53

He really is a weak desperate idiot isn't he, seeing him flap makes it easier for me in a weird way. It shows me how pathetic he truly is

OP posts:
Hortonlovesahoo · 09/02/2018 12:32

Well done! Did you send his stuff to work? He’s getting worried because he is seeing how strong and serious you are.

Well done OP. This is all on your terms and you’re doing what’s best for you and T.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 13:01

He's not at work tonight that's why I told him I'll send it there tomorrow. I'm hoping he respects my wishes but doubt he will. I'm expecting him to turn up late evening when he wakes up, so I'm gonna drag out the visit to my aunt's for as long as possible.

If I'm out when he comes he can gain entry and there's not much I can do about that, but if that does happen at least all his shit will be out my flat when I get back

OP posts:
Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 13:03

If he comes when I'm home then my key will be in the door so he will have a wasted journey

OP posts:
MyOtherProfile · 09/02/2018 13:06

Does he still have a key? I'm sure I remember he gave it back to you at some point (on way to the OW?) so hopefully he won't be able to get in if you're not there.

CraftyYankee · 09/02/2018 13:06

I think you'd be better off staying at home and keeping the key in the door so he can't get it at all. If you go to your aunt's and he can let himself in, what's to stop him staying until you come home?

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 13:10

I'm not one hundred percent sure if he still has a key or not. When I took the key off him on the way to her place he made a snide remark saying he had another one anyway. I suspect that's BS like everything else he says but I wouldn't like to say I'm certain. I would have thought if he did have one he would have tried coming back in by now, which he hasn't, but I don't wanna take any chances and get comfortable.

I could easy give him his things on the front if he does come but I don't see why I should play it the way he likes. I don't want him near the flat at all because I know he's gonna start harping on about coming in to see baby

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Clutterbugsmum · 09/02/2018 13:41

As much as you don't want to dance to his tune so to speak, I would have all his bits ready for 5pm by your front door and tell him he has between 5pm and 5.30pm to collect them. This gets rid of the last point of contact with you.

If he turns up after 5.30pm then tough they sent to his place of work tomorrow. You have the control here not him, the worse that can happen he could call the police about you not returning his belongings a which point give them to him and explain to the police what has happened.

Does he know that you have registered the baby with out him.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 13:44

Nope he has no idea babies been registered yet. That's bound to spark a row. He knows by law it needs to be done within 28 days too. I don't suspect he will be aggressive when he finds out but it'll definitely be something he gets on my case about and won't be happy. Common sense should have prevailed though as Toby is 4 weeks old this Sunday

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 09/02/2018 14:08

If I'm out when he comes he can gain entry and there's not much I can do about that, but if that does happen at least all his shit will be out my flat when I get back

Or he might be waiting for you.
Could you get your aunt to come back with you? Or to come for the evening?

out of order! Did he speak to his other ex like that?
This jerk has no right to moan about anything you say.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 14:12

My aunt may be able to come over for the evening I'll run it past her.

He certainly has a nerve saying I'm out of order, out of order would be cutting up and water damaging all his belongings. He wants to count himself lucky I'm not up for a battle

OP posts:
Isitwinteryet · 09/02/2018 14:24

I've read both of your posts op and just wanted to say (having a baby myself only 4 months ago) I think you sound incredible and that I think your son sounds lucky to have you as his mother!!

Kittymum03 · 09/02/2018 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mxyzptlk · 09/02/2018 14:49

Tell your aunt the reason you want her to come to yours. If I was her I'd be straight there to stop him taking the piss.

And get the locks changed as soon as you can. Then there's no need to worry about him maybe getting in.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 14:54

My aunt said she can come and stay until 11ish, she's got something she needs to be up for so can't stay the night - but hopefully by that time he would have either already been and tried his luck or realised it's far too late to be coming uninvited whilst there's a newborn baby asleep. Chances are I won't be on my own at the point he does/if he does come round.

Thank you to the pp who said I sound amazing. I don't always feel it haha but I appreciate the support

Also valid point about his key / not having already tried letting himself in. I really should get onto having these locks changed if poss but haven't managed to get my landlord on the phone yet.

I think his patience is wearing thin which is rich. He would have expected me to have him back in by now.

OP posts:
AcrossthePond55 · 09/02/2018 15:53

I almost think it's a situation of just change the lock barrel now and let the LL know under the old 'easier to ask for forgiveness than permission' rule. Just be sure you keep the 'old' barrel and keys for him if he wants them changed back, and that you have a key or two for him for the new lock.

I wouldn't think a rational LL would mind, as long as the tenant had new keys made for the LL. Why would you?

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 17:16

That's probably my best option to be fair, as great as my landlord is it's sometimes a bit tricky to get him on the phone due to his main job so I could be waiting a few more days for a response and if that pleb does have a key I don't want him to get to the point of using it

OP posts:
Clutterbugsmum · 09/02/2018 17:31

Our lock broke a little while ago, and DH got a new barrel and 3 keys from screwfix for £15 and took him about 5 minutes to change. You just have the key in the right place to remove the barrel and reverse to put in the locking screw.

Motoko · 09/02/2018 18:06

Is it 28 days now? When mine were born, they gave you 6 weeks to register the birth.

Yeah, do what AcrossThePond said. Get the barrel changed this weekend and keep the old one so that it can be changed back when you move. It is advisable to change the locks when you move into a new place, as you don't know if anyone still has keys. Landlords often put a term in the contract to say that you can't change the locks, but it's my understanding that it's unenforceable. You can always check with Shelter if you want. You can also give the LL a key to the new lock if you don't mind them having one.

If he does turn up when your aunt is there, get her to answer the door and tell him to sling his hook.

Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 18:17

I may be wrong about it being 4 weeks but I don't think I am. I'll have to check. Am sure I was told 4. I distinctively remember being told when I was being discharged that if you don't register by a certain point then you can be fined.

I'll see where my nearest b&q is and pop down tomorrow if I have time. I wouldn't know the first thing about changing locks though so might need to get somebody to do it for me.

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Original poster
Tumbleweeds24 · 09/02/2018 18:23

Just checked and you're right it's 42 days not 4 weeks

OP posts:
Kittymum03 · 09/02/2018 18:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Boysnme · 09/02/2018 18:26

It’s really easy to change the lock. I managed it anyway and I am hopeless at things like that!!

Kittymum03 · 09/02/2018 18:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Clutterbugsmum · 09/02/2018 18:29
Changing barrel lock.