Splitting restaurant bill

[Theapplestretching]

This is a wwyd:

Went on a date last night. Dinner and some drinks.

At the end the waiter gave the guy the bill. He paid it. I didn't offer to split.

He's now been off with me. When I asked why, he said it was because I didn't pay my half of the bill, or even offer.

I was quite taken aback as he alluded to me being a gold digger. As I was annoyed I apologised and told him to send his bank details, so he hadn't wasted his evening.

To my surprise he has now replied with the details, saying 'if you want to pay, we can forget about it and move on'.

I also paid for the taxi to my house - we went together (not a first date).

Would you pay it and move on or finish it with him?

Petty wanker

I wouldn't have sent it

Get out while you still can ! He asked you out and chose the expensive restaurant so he should pay!

As this is the fifth date and you've previously gone halves or whatever then how did he know that on the 6th date you wouldn't pay the whole bill?

Personally I'd have a real issue with this and I'd be 100% off him! Imagine how petty he would be further along in the relationship when he feels more comfortable.

I'm all for sharing and offering but it's not as if he's paid for everything the whole time you've been dating, what's wrong with treating you once ?
Don't feel bad or guilty I think he's being pathetic.

Id have deducted half the taxi fare.

If he wanted to spilt he just takes the bull, says you happy just splitting in half? That's 55 plus tip. Its not hard

Bit of a flash sod choosing an Indian restaurant with prices like that

Agree completely with Jazzy11, and for those of you making the OP feel guilty here, shame on you!

He sounds like a gobshite

I would have offered. Every time, every date.

I also wouldn't date someone who didn't care about Indian food! 😁

So if you've split things previously, what was it about this time that made you keep silent?

The fact he asked, he chose, ho ordered?

You should have offered to split, this is 2018. But he shouldn't have sulked.

I would have deducted half of the taxi fare (and possibly cost of night at your house - £30??? 😆) and transferred the rest, then blocked his phone number for being a total knob

I agree those of you making OP feel bad shame on you!!!!! If I was asked out to dinner and didn't choose the restaurant or food then yes I would expect the asker to pay. And what is wrong with being treated?? I think he sounds like a money grabbing twit not a very secure person if he can't say at the table?! Move on and find someone nicer!!

OP cooked last time, so I assume she didn't bill him for the ingredients afterwards. As such, he should have treated her to say thanks for cooking last time. If he couldn't afford to split the bill, he should have chosen a cheaper restaurant.

£110 seems really expensive for an Indian.
He probably didn't want to look "cheap" in the restaurant, so didn't ask you there & then.
I don't think you'll be hearing from him now he's got his money.
If you have different attitudes to money, you're better off parting ways.

OP, if you do decide to see him again, and if you cook, please, please present him with the shopping receipt afterwards so that he can contribute his share. As for the labour making it, he can buy the wine.
I think it is quite rude to expect someone to pay an equal share because you decided to opt for a really expensive place (seriously, £110 fucking quid?!? For two?) and chose what to order. OP, did you really manage to eat half of what he ordered? Did he contribute anything to your last meal that you cooked?

He sounds like a prick in the way he behaved and is still behaving. Yes you should have offered to pay half unless he had explicitly offered to treat you/it was your birthday/you’d already agreed he’d get the meal and you’d get the taxi etc, but he didn’t need to act like it prick over it. Most people would just left it go.

Pay him half of the meal to the penny, after deducting half of the taxi fare. Id put that explanation in the line you have to go alongside the BACS transfer so that it’s sat in his bank statement as an ever-present reminder of his behaviour, then I’d block and delete him. You don’t need that in your life.

So he came back to yours and then was off with you?

Sounds like he was shocked it was £110 too.

*You’re both in the wrong.

You should have offers some money.
He shouldn’t have been an arsehole about it.

Just move on?*

I would say this is the fairest answer. You made a mistake assuming he'd pay like your ex. He made a mistake over reacting.

You either work it out, both apologise and move on or just give up on the dates. But try and learn from this. Not every man will be happy to pay for you like the ex.

Dont think anyone should feel shame for telling her she is wrong either. She is wrong. So is he. But he's not an immediate right off just because he doesn't want to be looking like he'll always pay for dates. Nor is he a cheapskate. I'd be pissed off if someone expected me to pay for them at meals, especially one that expensive. Still dunno how it got to that amount.

100% you should have offered to split - no question. I think YOU were mean not to do so.

Those saying otherwise are living in a different century, clearly believe in out dated concepts and inequality in relationships.

His reaction was petty and I'm afraid doesn't bode well for a relationship.

Accept you're not right for each other and move on.

Find someone who fits more with what YOU want from a man

How much was the wine that you picked

He sounds really petty

Its a date, what's wrong with him paying? You could have offered next time or cooked him dinner or something

Wouldn't be a next time for me though

In the context that in the past they have either split the bill or taken it in turns, it's totally understandable that the OP thought he would pick up this one and she would get the next one.

Normally I would always offer to pay, but once you've got into the above rhythm it changes things.

In that context no offer to pay on the assumption the next one is on her is fine.

You've dodged a bullet OP.

They haven't taken it in turns though. OP said that, then backtracked. She meant that when they were out for a drink, they took turns going up to the bar!

I don't think he was shocked it was £110, he's been there before several times. Although, OP chose the wine and she has been a bit sparse with detail when people were asking questions.

She likes wine, she chose the wine, her last boyfriend was very wealthy and she just sat back and let him pay all the time. So £50 of that £110 could easily be her choosing more expensive wine than her date was expecting!

Quite depressed at how many view his attitude as wrong - why should men pay for dates - we want equality and this expectation that you don’t go halves when earn same amount just drives us back to 1950s..
Is your behaviour with high levels of entitlement not also a turn off, makes you a bell end and not a great communicator as is being levelled at him?

My reading of this is the same as Ellisandra's. I'm always stunned on these threads by how many women still seem to think the man should do the paying. We fight -quite rightly - for equality and equal pay but still think it's the man who should shell out.

My bf and I fell into the taking turns arrangement from the start really but I remember him booking a very nice restaurant a little while in. When the bill came he picked it up and I said 'let me get half of this' as I knew it would be pricey (I can read menu prices!). He said no, that it was his treat as he had chosen the restaurant which was the right way to handle it all round I thought.