Splitting restaurant bill

[Theapplestretching]

This is a wwyd:

Went on a date last night. Dinner and some drinks.

At the end the waiter gave the guy the bill. He paid it. I didn't offer to split.

He's now been off with me. When I asked why, he said it was because I didn't pay my half of the bill, or even offer.

I was quite taken aback as he alluded to me being a gold digger. As I was annoyed I apologised and told him to send his bank details, so he hadn't wasted his evening.

To my surprise he has now replied with the details, saying 'if you want to pay, we can forget about it and move on'.

I also paid for the taxi to my house - we went together (not a first date).

Would you pay it and move on or finish it with him?

Dont pay! Buy yourself something lovely. Move on. What an idiot.x

Bluntness

Given that she had, on the previous date, prepared a whole meal with wine, then actually this date should have been on him, either him cooking for her at home, or taking her out if he preferred.

Of course when someone cooks you don't offer to pay half (wtf) but you then return the favour as explained above.

So in that context, for the next date, she was not obliged to offer to pay half, and it would have been perfectly reasonable to assume that it was in him. She could then potentially get the next one.

When dating, you don't necessarily have to rigidly split the bill each time, you can get into a rhythm of alternating paying.

I do not believe she had no option or was without the ability to agree
No-one has said she was.

Of course she had a say in the restaurant, and she could have refused to go. But the fact is that in this case he still chose the restaurant and ordered the food. That she didn't object isn't relevant.

The thought process of well I made you dinner so you should buy me an expensive meal seems rather mercenary to me

So obtuse I can't be arsed to comment.

I agree, Riding. It was his turn, even if he had taken her to Pizza Hut, he should have been clear whether he was paying or if he expected OP to pay half.

Bluntness

What happened was, he asked me out for dinner and he told me he had booked a table at a specific restaurant for a specific time. To me that doesn't sound like a man who is expecting me to go halves on the bill. He presumably had some idea of the cost beforehand.

To be honest I had no idea it was going to be expensive until we got there. I'd never heard of the place and didn't have a chance to look at the menu beforehand.

As I said, maybe I've got too used to being relaxed about dates and things like counting costs and adding up prices. Ex bf would suggest dinner places and I would go. He was well aware I earned much less so would pay and I would buy a round afterwards or cook for him at my house. Perhaps I've become accustomed to this and for that, I hold my hands up.

Bluntness- I'll say again, he had the choice to cook but choose not to.
His choice. Nobody held a gun to his head and said 'you must take the op to an expensive restaurant and pay.'
He choose that himself.
If it's too expensive then he should have cooked or ordered a takeaway,
I suspect he is a dick. That is why he choose the first option, an expensive restaurant which the op is unfamiliar with. Then moans when it all backfired on him,

Also there is nothing unusual with someone ordering for you, it isn't submissive. If I'm out with a certain friend I ask her advice, why? Because she is more experienced in these matters than I am.

During my dating days, I always offered to split the bill as I considered it rude not to. 9/10 my offer was declined but I ensured I got the first round in when we moved on. You clearly have different outlooks regarding money and probably aren’t suited. You were rude OP and he was right to be miffed.

What I find really depressing in this thread is that the financial outlay in going for a meal trumps that for the time, expense and effort put into cooking someone a meal.

For all those who are talking about equality and independence and paying your way, it still seems that a man spending £110 on a meal is worth that £110, but a woman putting in the effort to think about a meal, spending time going shopping, paying for that shopping, choosing and buying wine, then preparing and cooking a meal for someone else is automatically worth £0, considering many of you think it only fair she pay half of the £110.

I'm not saying that they are automatically equal, but I'm afraid if I had an exchange where he sent me his bank details I'd definitely ask him if he wanted to also go halves on the cost of the ingredients of the meal I'd cooked plus half the hourly rate for the time it had taken me to provide said meal.

Who knows - he might end up "owing" me money if the meal had been time consuming to make and any ingredients difficult to find!

I wouldn't get on long term with a person who "knows the price of everything and the value of nothing".

Absolutely agree, SevenStones.