Splitting restaurant bill

[Theapplestretching]

This is a wwyd:

Went on a date last night. Dinner and some drinks.

At the end the waiter gave the guy the bill. He paid it. I didn't offer to split.

He's now been off with me. When I asked why, he said it was because I didn't pay my half of the bill, or even offer.

I was quite taken aback as he alluded to me being a gold digger. As I was annoyed I apologised and told him to send his bank details, so he hadn't wasted his evening.

To my surprise he has now replied with the details, saying 'if you want to pay, we can forget about it and move on'.

I also paid for the taxi to my house - we went together (not a first date).

Would you pay it and move on or finish it with him?

More generally, though, wouldn't you give someone the benefit of the doubt before labelling them a gold digger or a tightwad? Even with just friends you I regularly, it might end up that I pick up a tab a couple of times out of convenience/being there first. I wouldn't leap to think "freeloader" unless it was a regular occurrence.

I think you were very rude not to offer to pay half, I'd not date somebody who thought i should pay for nights out.

Choosing where to go doesn't equal paying, after all someone has to choose.

Would you teach your son he had to pay for everything whilst your daughter just needed to enjoy free nights out?

Any reason why I'm avoiding questions?

Yes I stepped away from my phone for 45 minutes!

We've gone halves before but not always split the bill IYSWIM. So one of us gets food and the other the wine.

I wasn't sitting and simpering letting him order but I'm not massively into food tbh and usually happy to let others make decisions.
I chose the wine.

My previous boyfriend was very wealthy and always paid. I've possibly become accustomed to it. For that I hold my hands up.

Right, so you haven't taken it in turns before at all?

You've always halved the bill by splitting the cost of the evening?

And because you didn't pay your way with your last boyfriend, with this guy earning only slightly more than you, you thought it was OK to happily sit back and pay nothing but his share of the taxi - a fiver. Which he won't have offered to pay because he was still reeling from the awkwardness of not wanting to say you owed money when you avoided it in the restaurant.

You were really out of order not paying your way.

Interesting that one of the questions in your OP was "would you pay it?"

Totally get that you would seek opinions on his attitude on here.

But gobsmacked that when you earn the same and had halved the last 4 dates, you really had to ask if you should pay it!!

By taking it in turns I meant going up to the bar etc.

Yes I would have offered to split the bill. However he is a grown up to all he has to was say once the bill was brought was how do you want to do this or words to that effect? That would be the adult way to handle things surely not going away and sulking! You have paid your share now I would withdraw and find someone who can communicate better.

OP you sound a bit precious tbh. i would've said 'shall we split the bill or shall i pay next time we go out' - or (more likely) 'gosh thats expensive, let me pay half. Next time we'll go somewhere cheaper'

You have paid your share now I would withdraw and find someone who can communicate better

And he can find a woman who isn't after him for his wallet or expects him to pay as he has a penis.

Can you please be a bit clearer about who paid for the previous 4 dates?

It could make quite a difference to which of you is taking the piss!

You've you started out going halves and then took turns. Then you said you halved the bill but not splitting, one paying drinks the other food, and now you say you just took turns at the bar!

Who paid what, on dates 1 to 4?
Was it your turn? Or his?
Or did this break the camel's back of you not paying your way?

I didn't know the cost of the meal, he literally just picked it up and paid.

Previous dates - I wouldn't say one of us has paid more than the other on any.

Last time I saw him I made dinner.

So what was it that made you not offer to pay a share this time? I'm intrigued about why this meal became the 'sit silently and let him get it' turning point.

You make dinner - then next time he takes you out and sweeps up the bill? I'd have read that as "my turn", I think.

If he paid the bill straight away I don't understand why he is acting arsey.

He didn't "sweep up" the bill, the OP says the waiter gave him the bill. Happens loads, my boyfriend is often handed the bill when we're out

Even if he had his card out and waiting, it's rude of the OP not to offer to pay her share.

She may have cooked last time, but that rarely costs the same. And he may have brought wine.

I suspect that as the OP is used to letting a man pay, it's possible that the previous out-dates weren't as evenly split as she thought, and that this has been building up. Or at least, that he (rightly) expected her to offer her share.

It was quite bizarre to just not offer to pay your half of the bill.

And to be taken aback that it was an issue.

He didn’t handle it well, but you were thoughtless.

£110 for an Indian meal for 2 ????

I'd expect a meal for 2 at any Indian restaurant around here to be £30 tops - £40 if you are big drinkers.

Well, he's fucked off. Probably best move on.

I'd find another guy tbh. His behaviour is a turn off.

Can't believe some of these responses.

Why on earth didn't you pay, or even offer to pay your share!

Pay. Move on. Without him

OP ignore the baiters.

Quibbling over money this early on doesn’t bode well. In a normal setting the next lot would have been on you and him sending his bank details so it’s halved to the penny says he’s a bellend. Who does that?

You should have deducted half the taxi to make a point as you told him to fuck off and have a happy life.

Onward.

him sending his bank details so it’s halved to the penny says he’s a bellend. Who does that?

To be a bit brutal, someone who's not a fabulous communicator and who's dumping you.

I would apologise for not paying half. I would then give him my half.

I would then cease communication.

He should have addressed it there and then, a ‘red flag’ OP

Bloke picks somewhere, bloke pays. OP can say 'thanks so much for that, was delicious, I will get the next one' ot 'thanks for the lovely dinner, let me cook for you Saturday' or something. Bloke has no business being rude.

So some faults on both sides but OP can do better by the sounds of it.