Splitting restaurant bill

[Theapplestretching]

This is a wwyd:

Went on a date last night. Dinner and some drinks.

At the end the waiter gave the guy the bill. He paid it. I didn't offer to split.

He's now been off with me. When I asked why, he said it was because I didn't pay my half of the bill, or even offer.

I was quite taken aback as he alluded to me being a gold digger. As I was annoyed I apologised and told him to send his bank details, so he hadn't wasted his evening.

To my surprise he has now replied with the details, saying 'if you want to pay, we can forget about it and move on'.

I also paid for the taxi to my house - we went together (not a first date).

Would you pay it and move on or finish it with him?

Was it a third date? Was he expecting a nightcap?

Either way he sounds like hard work, I'd bin him off. You should have offered half though.

Chippyway - the guy could be going on 4 dates a week, if he pays every time that's a lot of money!

It's a fifth date, I'm pretty confident he isn't going on others though.

Fifth! Then it's certainly not unusual that you'd move on to "taking turns". Very odd reaction.

I also think you should have offered to pay or said my turn next time.

However in his shoes I would not have mentioned it but instead waited till next visit to the restaurant and assumed you would pay.

im surprised you didnt offer to pay half to be honest - its a big bill too....anyway, like you've said its soured any sort of 'relationship' now and i doubt you'll see him again as it might be awkward.

However in his shoes I would not have mentioned it but instead waited till next visit to the restaurant and assumed you would pay.

Yes - exactly. You let him pick up the bill when you did the same last time? And the time before? Fair enough that he's fed up. But if you've always split or taken turns before, surely he'd assume you'd pay next time?

surely he'd assume you'd pay next time?

I'd have assumed this level of cost was unusual for them, so her saying I'll pay next time doesn't really cut it when the bill is thirty quid. But the point is she didn't say that, she saw a 110 pound bill, said nothing, didn't offer half or to pay next time and let him get it.

As said, his behavuour is much worse, but she isn't blameless here.

I do see your point Bluntness, but surely after a certain point you'd expect to move on to "turns"? It just seems such an overreaction on his part when she's had no opportunity to reciprocate.

Wow, tight and rude, two of the most unattractive qualities a person can have. I'd block him and give it no further thought OP.

I think they hadn't reached that point though, or if they had she should have said I'll get the next one of you get this one. But she didn't, she said nothing, and she knew it was an unusually expensive bill.

Either way he's pissed about such a big bill and her not even offering. She's pissed about the fact he's behaved so badly after. I am not sure they can move past it, too awkward.

I don't think it's fair that some people are shouting red flags about him ordering the food. The way the OP phrased it, she wanted him to.

For my personal dating preferences, it would have been a red flag for me that the OP left it to me instead of saying "I don't know much about Indian food - let's have a look at this menu and see the descriptions - oooh, I'll try that". Not red flag abusive a red flag of the wrong personality fit.

OP, you said you'd previously gone halves, and taken it in turn. Yet you'd previously been on only 4 dates, and at least 1 must have been halved, so had you actually got into a turn taking pattern?

I don't agree with "he asks he pays". I think once you're on date 5, nobody asking anybody else out - you're jointly agreeing to continue meeting, and one person might make the activity / restaurant suggestion that you go with.

He's an arse, you should have paid your way. Unless you were turn taking and last time you paid approx £100?

Wow, tight and rude, two of the most unattractive qualities a person can have

That's the thing though, he's clearly thinking that about her, he's told her as much,

Where does the OP say it was an unusually large bill? I can't see that.

He chose the restaurant, he ordered so had the control of the final bill. What if op hadn't had half with her? His evening, his bill. Then could have suggested the op select the next venue.

Blimey. How rude are you? I'd cringe like mad sitting silently while someone picks up a hundred quid restaurant bill.

If you're dating you can hardly fall back on 'he asked me out'.

Christ, what decade are we in.

I do see the point that if he chose the restaurant and the food then it’s not unreasonable to assume he was treating you. He just have just said though.

If you're dating you can hardly fall back on 'he asked me out'.

But equally, if they're dating, presumably he'd assume there'd be a next time and that she'd choose and pay for that?

£110 for 2 of you? Jesus.

You should have offered to be honest. My boyfriend doesn't let me most of the time but I still offer. Sometimes just pay before he can to keep things even. It was rude to not even offer.

Didn't have half with her? Oh come on. Who goes out for dinner on a date without bringing a bank card? Because if she had, she shouldn't have.

He didn't force her into that restaurant. He suggested it, she went along with it.

There's nothing in the OP's posts to suggest that the £110 was massively over the top and unexpected.

She hasn't explained the previous 4 dates.

If they were all meals and:
50/50
Her £50
Him £50
Her £100
THIS ONE

Then he's massively taking the piss.

If they've got 50/50 for 3, then she picked up a £20 tab last time, then he's justified in thinking she's taking the piss.

When the bill came, even if it was his 'turn' she should have said 'what's my share?' And let him say 'on me, you paid last time'.

He's still an arse for the way he handled it though.

But what if he only chose the food because she was too busy simpering "oh I don't know anything about Indian food - you choose"?

I mean... what do you actually need to know about the food to choose?!

You’re both in the wrong.

You should have offers some money.
He shouldn’t have been an arsehole about it.

Just move on?

Sorry OP, I didn't mean that last post to be so rude! I didn't mean that you were definitely simpering away passively! I meant to highlight that we don't know the dynamics and it's as unfair to assume he was forcing expensive dishes on you, as it would be to assume you were coming over all incapable of choosing a meal!

(as an aside, I was once given a 'ladies menu' and was fucking horrified!)

If they've taken it in turns before and gone halves then his reaction is really bad. Op what have you done on previous dates and are the meals usually this much?

Any reason why your avoiding peoples questions OP?

You say its not your first date and you've taken turns before, so was this date your turn to pay?