Splitting restaurant bill

[Theapplestretching]

This is a wwyd:

Went on a date last night. Dinner and some drinks.

At the end the waiter gave the guy the bill. He paid it. I didn't offer to split.

He's now been off with me. When I asked why, he said it was because I didn't pay my half of the bill, or even offer.

I was quite taken aback as he alluded to me being a gold digger. As I was annoyed I apologised and told him to send his bank details, so he hadn't wasted his evening.

To my surprise he has now replied with the details, saying 'if you want to pay, we can forget about it and move on'.

I also paid for the taxi to my house - we went together (not a first date).

Would you pay it and move on or finish it with him?

And max she'd have been paying her share, not his also, plus they always split before

I was wondering whether he had pretended it cost more to get money out of the OP. Probably not, but you never know!

Oh the hypocrisy

"I want equality.... but I MUST be treated like a princess"

Just be honest about it and go find you're knight in shining armour who will keep you in the manner to which you are entitled

your the red flag here and he knows it

No man pays for my company

Oh fgs. A man paying for your food on the date he asked you on does not mean he’s paying for your company I wondered how long it’d take for a comment like this to come up!

Whether the bill cost £10 or £120, if someone asked me out to that restaurant I wouldn’t expect to pay. Similarly if I asked a guy out, I wouldn’t expect him to pay.

If I say to my partner “fancy going out for food tonight?” I go with the intention of paying myself. If I couldn’t afford to pay, I wouldn’t ask if he wanted to go out. If he asks me if I want to go out for dinner, he assumes he’s paying.

If a man expected me to pay half on a date it’d give me the impression he’s the type of man to expect everything 50/50. What happens when you live together and have a baby? Would he still expect everything 50/50 then?

What about your earnings? What if he invites you to a fancy restaurant where you know it’ll be expensive but you earn ten times less than he does?

I stand by my point. It would put me off the man

I would have definitely offered to pay half at that time, we don't live an age where 'men pay' and it was unfair to not offer.

Having said that, he's now made the situation weird and I would pay the half and move on.

For those aghast at the cost a bottle of wine can easily be £30-40

What happens when you live together and have a baby? Would he still expect everything 50/50 then?

Your assuming everyone wants children. And even to live together. Some people don't want that.

A man paying for your food on the date he asked you on does not mean he’s paying for your company

You'd be surprised at different people's attitudes. I remember on the dating thread a while back there was a woman who never ever paid for a date and expected men to pay for everything. Her reasoning "because I will have spent a lot of money on clothes and make-up to look good for my date so it's only fair that in return for that and my company, he pays"

What happens when you live together and have a baby? Would he still expect everything 50/50 then?

Why would it not be? Ttoally confused by that statement. Or do you also think that in addition to men paying for your company on dates they should also be willing to pay for you to quit your job and stay home, that you should always be paid for?

Not my scene, but if it's yours and you've found someone who wishes to keep you, go for it.

For me, the point is that if he wanted you to pay half, all he had to do was open his mouth and ask after he was handed the bill. Or was this some kind of "gold digger test" you failed by not immediately volunteering to pay?

Oh, Shatners - now that is a depressing thread...

Aridane Ain't it just. At times it's like walking back into the 1950s and the fact that some women are teaching their children the same attitudes just makes me sad.

I would find it hard to spend £110 for two in an Indian restaurant even if that included wine. I live in a major city and wouldn’t expect to pay that even on a special occasion.

I would also have offered and I am surprised at the number of women who would expect him to pay as he asked you out.

It's all very well saying all he had to do was open his mouth...

It is far less embarrassing or awkward to say "what's my share?" than "your share is...?"

There's a thread on AIBU now where someone lost £72 because she was too awkward to speak out! And how many threads do we see on AIBU about bill spitting complaints after the fact, where the OP didn't feel able to speak up?

This man may have felt awkward. Remember, he also has a proportion of the weight of society behind him telling him he must pay - just look at this bloody thread!

There's an everyday workplace sexism thread running at the moment.

I'd love to see an everyday sexism thread where men told their stories of being stuck with the bill! (doubtless sometimes when the women has merrily ordered expensive wine)

It is SHOCKING that so many women still expect men to pay.

And frankly, bollocks to this "it's nice to treat" nonsense. Every person I've heard that from IRL uses it as a cover for never bloody paying!

OK, so having to pay for a woman's meal isn't in the same league as getting passed over for promotion, or being sexually assaulted. But it's still not FAIR. And surely, we should want fairness for all?

I'm well past babies.
Happy living on my own.
This is for dates only.
He wouldn't expect anything in return.
I have my own house and am in no rush to share it with anyone.
That's why sometimes - I nip to the loo - and pay on the sly.

My DH and I have been together 14 years and married 9. We have always kept our finance separate. If we are going for a night out then we will either split the bill or we agree the other will get it next time. We are not ridge about it. Sometimes your ahead and sometimes your behind. Christmas I buy my family, he buys his and the god children we share we split it down the middle. event for his family he pays for and I do with mine. household bills and food is split 50/50. Same with Items bought for the house. Holidays are 50/50 . If he wants to go somewhere that our of my price range or I cant afford it then he makes the decision that he doesn't go or he covers me. He earns more than me but I own property from before we met which he has no claim on so it evens its self out. I can guarantee we argue but never about money ever . If I was single the question would have been asked when the date was arranged. Are we going 50/50? If I couldn't afford it I would have been straight at that time or said well make it a cheaper place cause im skint. don't see why the man should have to pay all the time.. Women want equal rights but when it comes to certain thing they want Victorian values. cant have your cake and eat it

I just want to know where on earth you have to go to spend £110 in an Indian restaurant. I didn’t spend that much when I lived in London.

I think it's a bit shitty that you didn't offer to split in all honesty? Regardless of where I've been/what I've been doing with whomever I've always offered to split the bill unless its made clear the night is being paid for by either party. I couldn't imagine saying nothing and just expecting a man to pay for the bill, sits funny with me.

However, he was equally as shitty in his reaction. He reacted like a child, instead he should have said I'd be more comfortable with this if we each paid half? Especially with a bill like that, and I'm sure you'd have obliged. I'd say pay him £50 and bid him adieu.

Although I actually take my words back after reading @Ellisandra 's post. He might have felt awkward, which is fair enough!

Honestly I think you were extremely rude to not offer a share of the bill. His behaviour after this though would make me call it a day.

Op I know it's not the point of the thread but out of interest what did you have in an Indian restaurant that came to £110?

OP, just curious, did you see the bill and is it fair to pay half? I am only asking because I know some people initiate sharing the costs but then would eat a lot more than some other people in the group.
Even though OP should have offered to pay for the food she had the way he handled it would put me off having anything with him in the future.

Indian Restaurants are not all down market and cheap! See these for example, which have prices like any other smart restaurant (and why wouldn't they - if they use high quality ingredients, and authentic Indian cookery is just as time consuming and complicated as any other. There is nothing that makes Indian food per se cheaper than any other.)

www.babur.info/
cinnamonclub.com/
www.chutneymary.com/
redfort.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/A-LA-CARTE-MENU.pdf

Just a few I know of - and before you say 'yeah, London' you can find Indian fine dining in any major city.

There's an everyday workplace sexism thread running at the moment

Agree, it's totally everyday sexism expecting a man to pay. And a total bollocks excuse after five dates of "well he asked so he can pay,it's right not to even offer"..

I can't abide this shitty attitude of fighting against sexism whilst simaltaeneously behaving in a sexist way when it lines your pockets or benefits you in some way.

So it was awkward to ask her for her share at the time but not awkward to accuse her of gold digging later on?

@LizardMonitor Chutney Mary is amazing.