Its happened and now I'm scared.

[1DAD2KIDS]

So anyone who knows me on here knows I was dating a wonderful lady but lack of free time and just a feeling of something missing. Anyway we broke up, she sent me a text basically saying everthing I was thinking. I told her I felt exactly the same. So we shared our mutrual appreciation for each other, said we'd keep in touch and said our goodbyes. As break ups go it was a very pleasant one.

Anyway I decided (based mainly on the problem of not having time for a relationship) to go back to causal relations. So back in the internet I went because a couple of my previous FWB have since entered relationships. I got talking to someone and what happen next was totally unexpected.

We got chatting, it was going well and we rang each other. It just flowed so well. We talked from about 12am to 7.30am. I don't think I ever talked to someone for over 7hrs on the phone before. We had a daytime social meet just to see if would click. It didnt work like that. We hit it off and things were amazing. Honestly had one of the hottest and funniest days of my life. The more we talk the more we both realise we have so much in common. The connection is amazing. I have always felt a bit lonely in a lot of relationships. I felt that it was unrealistic to find a woman totally on my wave length. And that (as I sort of knew) like with my last girlfriend i think has been the problem with others, great women but just that something missing. There is sometime different about her, for the first time (since my ex wife) I am actually feeling, something strong. Something that I thought was dead to me and would never return. I feel like a giddy love sick teenager. We talk every day. I have never been compelled to do that with any of the women I have dated. We can just talk for hours and it feels so natural. She is just on my level and it feels amazing.

So here's the danger and why I'm scared. One I am opening me up my self up to hurt. After all we have started of on a non exclusive FWB basis. From her side of the camp the messages seem to be the the same. She has stated that I am her priority. Like I say it's not exclusive and after years of Marrige she is using the oppertunity to explore Bi-curios feelings. I have no problems with this or open relationships. We are both very liberal in that way and I am not the posesive type. In away this works very well for me because I don't have to the time to give her sole attention she requires and I would not want to hold her back from exploring sexual desires after years of marriage. I don't want to change that or hold each other back from exploring. But I feel I want something more. Dare I say a relationship, all be it an unconventional open and fairly distanced (in terms of oppertunity to physically be with each other). The signals I think are the same from her. For example she asked me if it was ok if she went to meet a woman that shed arranged before we met. I said ok, I genuinely want her to be free, liberated and explore. But I did see that this as another sign that she may already see me not just as a causal sex thing.

So basically I'm a scared because feeling this way about her has come totally out the blue. Honestly I feel sometime really different about her, like she is what I have been looking for. Also scared because it could all come crashing down. So where do I take it from here? Dare I risk formalising the what I think is going on unofficially? I know she is is important because I am scared.

Bluedoglead incorrect, it was a very action packed day (all be it dinner was sausage rolls and good ale in a good pub) (she likes good ale which is a plus). Remember we first met in the premise of sex. The aim was just to meet socially see how we got on, but we got very carried very early on. The sexual chemistry is also great and we share the same kinks. I don't think both of us wanted it to end. It just went so well. But alas I had to get back to the kids

Offred

*1. You don’t know her well enough to know whether she is manipulating you.

1. If she is not manipulating you then that means both of you are not being very sensible TBH.*

Fair points

I REALLY don’t want to piss all over something you are clearly excited about DAD....

I just worry. Your ex is a nightmare who yes, you tend to be overly kind to, I would like you (anybody really) to be able to have a happy, settled and lovely relationship when they’ve had a relationship as bad as the one you had with your ex wife.

Offred thank you. I know you don't piss on my bonfire without good cause or for your own sadistic amusement. Often you have given sage advice that granted I have yet to follow. But you could be very right and I appreciate your input. Maybe tgis feeling will subdue and what your saying will become applicable. You have deffinatly giving me some things to ponder. I think it is wise to a certain extent put my defences back up and give a soak period. But it does feel so nice to (if nothing else) find someone on my Bizzare wavelength. Simply I am really enjoying her company even when it not often physical. I like it and no longer to I feel the only human inbthe same wavelength.

But it does feel so nice to (if nothing else) find someone on my Bizzare wavelength.

Keep in this headspace and try not to get swept out to sea...

I’m interested in your Bizarre wavelength?!!! What does that mean ?????

You seem to be gagging for us all to say ‘GO FOR IT, THIS IS LUUUURVE!!!’

And when anybody says ‘slow down, you have met this woman once you dingbat’, you’re all, ‘but, but but...’

You’re not listening cos this isn’t what you wanted to hear.

My humour, my imagination (just the way I go off on mad tangents, the way I tell stories, the way I create back to stories to things and people), my desires, kinks, my interests in so many things and subjects, hoarding tendencies, my potty mouth, my bad habits, my love of arguments, my many geeky tendencies, my love of getting muddy, my not giving a fuck about wearing clothes (I'm not a nudist, but i dont have body hang ups and perfectly comfortatble in my skin), my very liberal attitude to a lot of stuff, I totally analyse things, my mind is always working full pelt, I am very passionate about things (like my job and my union), I am hard, capable of being callous in some ways yet I am very soft and empathetic, I never see the world as black and white, I often see hero's and villains in the same person, I am always questioning stuff, I am emotional at times, I think my emotional intelligence is good, I often have a dry and sadistic sense of humour, I have a dark sense of humour and often find humour in the darkest of situations, I am shy at times (not half as much these day), I sometimes put my self down and fail to see my own value (likewise a lot less these days), a can be very particular about some things, but mostly very laid back and docile, I just love hovering up facts, i love getting muddy and wet, i dont take my self too seriously, I am very stubborn when I think there a has been an injustice done, I am not afraid to stand up to authority or punch above my weight is i think something is wrong. To be fair I am a mixed bag. I think like most people like me I just find it hard to be myself, let my bounderies down and just feel free with most people because I am not like most people. We just seem to click, everything we have talked about is like a game of snap. She is in many ways as wierd and wonderful as me. And I never have or never thought I would meet someone who is like me. But as others have said I can't say I know the true her (hell so could agrue I didn't really know the woman I was with for 8 years).

GottadoitGottadoit there is a huge contradiction in how I feel and how others perceive it. It's a matter of viewing angles. But that's the value on MN to get another perspective and hopefully see the bigger picture

I thought you were going to say you were into bdsm wearing women’s clothing or something. 😂😂😂But thanks for taking the time to explain !

Choclover27 I am probably less conventional that most but that extends far outside of the boudries of the bedroom. To me the world is a beautiful, diverse and complex place.

Go with the flow.

All this reminds me of the idealise/devalue/discard cycle I'm afraid

Kinks, BDSM, well that explains quite a lot. From what I've seen and experienced the self proclaimed Dom often ties himself in knots especially if he's relatively inexperienced. The intensity doesn't get dimmed outside of the bedroom. It continues into every aspect of life. The Dominant often declares he doesn't want a relationship, whilst obsessing over his latest find, wants to read her mind, find his way in to her mind and take up residence, often what actually happens is she takes up too much of his attention.

Yes, you seem complex, most self declaring dominants usually are. There is always a dichotomy deep in their psyche. I have read some of your other threads, I just haven't commented. You often contradict yourself which points to the fact you have these two dichotomous strands to your personality. Things will never seem straightforward to you. You are both hero and villain in your own story. Even the no emotional emotions make sense.

If I were her I'd avoid you. And I'm a sub. You need to do a lot of work on yourself before you even consider a relationship, of any description.

Cadence70 who knows, time will tell on that one both ways. But it feels right so we'll give it a bash.

MiniTheMinx wow some big leaps there. I have no desire to control her mind, I'm not her keeper. I have enough of my own day to day shit to deal with without worrying what's going on in someone else's life. I have no interests in controlling someone else's life. I am my own Sovereign person and so is she as far as I'm concerned (in or out of a relationship). But you have given me pause for thought. I am interested in what you said her often what actually happens is she takes up too much of his attention. Do you think she'll want more attention from me than I can give? Are you suggesting that she may want me to be involved in other aspects in her life? Is this a personality trait you think she may have? Is our frequent conversation indicative of this or just simply two people getting on great and enjoying talking to each other? That could be a problem if she wants more attention than I can give. I know there are certain shifts days where I have not been able to talk and she has been disappointed. But is there anything wrong with being a bit disappointed if you like talking to someone?

But you are right that I have never seen the world as black and white. I don't think that is a bad thing (well I suppose it make life more complicated that those who do see things as black and white). But you at history, scratch the surface things are never black and white.

OP you sound like a bit of a nightmare to be honest. You've just met someone who you are speaking to for 2-3 hours a day, talking about amazing connections, feeling like a love sick teen etc but you are also saying you are scared this non relationship might spill over into your normal life (surely it already has?) and now you're worrying about potential personality traits she might have, and that she might want lots of attention from you...you are already giving it to her, 2- 3 hours of chatting a day is a massive amount of attention, too much for most people!
You seem to be making a drama out of this just for the sake of it, even the title you gave this thread is overly dramatic. I agree with other posters, you don't sound ready for a relationship at all, I think Cadence70's idealise/devalue/discard comment is spot on.

To be fair she is one initiating the conversation. And to be fair I'm enjoying our conversation. Surely what is wrong with that? What is not ok about enjoying conversation in our free time? Does everyone have to do the same with their free time?

If you’re a Dom I’m scared.

Ffs. Get yourself some boundaries man.

He's a Dom? I confess I've only skimmed the posts. He SOUNDS like a sub....

Personally. It all seems very childish. Attention seeking.
If you like her go out with her. End of story. No more discussion needed.

Bloody hell there's some gordy fuckers on here. Arguing on assumptions of my sexual preferences. And thus drawing character assumptions base on percieved stereotypes. Surely you realise sexual preference crosses a wide spectrum of character types, life styles and people. This thread is turning out to be a race to the bottom. Still goes to show how people tailor their perception to narrative they want to believe.

What do you even have to offer OP?
You don't have time,you want to keep your family and relationship separate, you have no desire to commit to a decent person,you don't know what you want even.
You write lengthy posts but the gist somehow still not apparent,nothing is clear basically.

Maybe work on figuring out what you want first of all and stick to that.

What's a dom? I've googled and I don't think they are calling you a Document Object Model?!?!

Dominant. As opposed to submissive.

What big leaps have I made?

Are you a Dom? Is that a description you would use?

You are trying yourself up in knots
You are obsessing
She is taking up a lot of your time
She is taking up a lot of your attention
She, despite saying she didn't want a relationship, seems very into you
You, despite saying you don't want a proper relationship, seem to be developing in your words a 'connection'
Subs can be quite needy of attention, whether it's a relationship or some sort of other arrangement

You might want to stay your own 'sovereign' person, you might have no desire to 'be her keeper's but how long will that last if you further develop feelings. You say you have no interest in her life.....mmmm....ok, wtf do you talk about if it isn't life!

In my experience even Doms who are not looking for a conventional relationship, still become a bit obsessed with their need to make you obsessed with them. Those wanting a committed relationship are just the same. I've spoken to several (friends only) who admit they struggle with a casual arrangement even though they themselves can't commit to more. And the Dominant man who meets with a very sweet, very intuitive, on his wave length submissive who is both independent, but still seeks his attention...... well.....he's going to tie himself in knots. She can't be both submissive and independent, except she can, and that is going to make you obsessed. She says she doesn't want a relationship, but behaves as though she does, with you. That's like a beacon to a man who likes to think himself a dominant.

She's already taking up 2 to 3 hours of every day. I have people in my life that I love talking to, but never for 3 hours a day.

I know it can be difficult to imagine bringing another person into the life of your children. It's too soon to do so. But eventually you might feel you can, when and if you meet the right person, and when and if you have sorted yourself out mentally and emotionally. And until you do that, you are going to pull the plug on any possibility of a happy committed and loving relationship, hurt others, hurt yourself and wreck anything that otherwise might be good.