Its happened and now I'm scared.

[1DAD2KIDS]

So anyone who knows me on here knows I was dating a wonderful lady but lack of free time and just a feeling of something missing. Anyway we broke up, she sent me a text basically saying everthing I was thinking. I told her I felt exactly the same. So we shared our mutrual appreciation for each other, said we'd keep in touch and said our goodbyes. As break ups go it was a very pleasant one.

Anyway I decided (based mainly on the problem of not having time for a relationship) to go back to causal relations. So back in the internet I went because a couple of my previous FWB have since entered relationships. I got talking to someone and what happen next was totally unexpected.

We got chatting, it was going well and we rang each other. It just flowed so well. We talked from about 12am to 7.30am. I don't think I ever talked to someone for over 7hrs on the phone before. We had a daytime social meet just to see if would click. It didnt work like that. We hit it off and things were amazing. Honestly had one of the hottest and funniest days of my life. The more we talk the more we both realise we have so much in common. The connection is amazing. I have always felt a bit lonely in a lot of relationships. I felt that it was unrealistic to find a woman totally on my wave length. And that (as I sort of knew) like with my last girlfriend i think has been the problem with others, great women but just that something missing. There is sometime different about her, for the first time (since my ex wife) I am actually feeling, something strong. Something that I thought was dead to me and would never return. I feel like a giddy love sick teenager. We talk every day. I have never been compelled to do that with any of the women I have dated. We can just talk for hours and it feels so natural. She is just on my level and it feels amazing.

So here's the danger and why I'm scared. One I am opening me up my self up to hurt. After all we have started of on a non exclusive FWB basis. From her side of the camp the messages seem to be the the same. She has stated that I am her priority. Like I say it's not exclusive and after years of Marrige she is using the oppertunity to explore Bi-curios feelings. I have no problems with this or open relationships. We are both very liberal in that way and I am not the posesive type. In away this works very well for me because I don't have to the time to give her sole attention she requires and I would not want to hold her back from exploring sexual desires after years of marriage. I don't want to change that or hold each other back from exploring. But I feel I want something more. Dare I say a relationship, all be it an unconventional open and fairly distanced (in terms of oppertunity to physically be with each other). The signals I think are the same from her. For example she asked me if it was ok if she went to meet a woman that shed arranged before we met. I said ok, I genuinely want her to be free, liberated and explore. But I did see that this as another sign that she may already see me not just as a causal sex thing.

So basically I'm a scared because feeling this way about her has come totally out the blue. Honestly I feel sometime really different about her, like she is what I have been looking for. Also scared because it could all come crashing down. So where do I take it from here? Dare I risk formalising the what I think is going on unofficially? I know she is is important because I am scared.

You're doing my head in just reading it so heaven knows what you're doing to her
Exactly
You sound annoying ,full stop. FWB situations, let go of relationship because the person doesn't give you that butterfly feelings- and your first butterflies didn't work out at all,you ,she left ....maybe should analyse that ? But no ,chasing the same elusive "connection" with the person that seems not even wanting a relationship is a recipe for disaster .You are welcome to live your life in drama though! However dramatic you feel is exciting enough..

From everything I read and from speaking to others I think lots of men are happy with the idea of, and concept of casual dating, at least in principle, and only until they meet a woman who is too! Especially if that woman has the sort of confidence to just be herself, be independent, to let things develop naturally, to not make herself easily caught. I've always been that sort of woman and I've always avoided all conversations about "where is this going and what is this, or stating what I want" I never have had a casual relationship because if waited it out until date three, or week four I found it was the guy who tied himself up in knots, he who pursued a relationship, him who had to state what he wanted...... Men simply cannot live with the idea that a woman is not making them the centre of the universe. That a woman has other options, not because she's forced into a situation of having to, but because she has the confidence to know she has, seems to scream that you should tie her down quick before she slips out of your grasp. Whatever equality means, whatever gains women make, the basic psychology of men remains pretty much the same.

You again? Why is everything in your life a problem? No offence mate, but this reminds me of that time tom cruise did that jumpy up and down thing on some tv talk show because he was supposedly 'in lurv '
Nobody cares. Crack on .......and come back when she dumps you for being too full on...... although we'll tell you she has dumped you because 'you are too full on'

It's been 2 weeks 🤔

It's true I do over analysise things. Ironicly she was telling me she's terrible for it. Also she's telling me know that she has lost interest In the idea of others. She doesn't actually like the idea of sharing. I think if anything she'd lost hope in the idea of anything more than causal hook ups (as had I once). Its pure chance we have met and got on so well. Already the way we are with each other far broken the bounderies and expectations of what we were both orginally lookimg for. I know from what she's said she keeps her gaurd up because of her baggage and previous bad things. FYI I don't want anything heavy. As I stated in the past I like the idea of keeping my family life and relationship life seperate. I'm just really enjoying the connection that is there and feedback is mutual. We are excited to talk to each other everynight. We talk about everthing. She started asking me about true love and the nature of life long relationships. I told her that previous experiance has made me cynical but i know it does happen, i've seen it with people in my life. It's weird I thought I was broken, that I was incapable of felling this way again (what ever it is). Never felt it with others I have dated since my ex wife. I have liked them (obviosly) but it just felt like going through the motions, almost and act. There's something deep down telling me there's something different her. Who's knows what the future holds but is it not worth carrying on, letting things flow naturally and see where it goes? Should I not give it a punt?

P.s. sorry if the notion makes some of you feel sick as you've put but your welcome not to read my posts.

Why do you like the idea of keeping your family life and relationship separate? For how long, indefinitely? Under what circumstances might that change? Or might it never change?

Of FGS yes just get on with it then

*oh

I don't want anything heavy Your posts strongly suggest otherwise.
I agree with dumbolickous. OP you don't really know her. People are on their best behavior in the beginning, however long their phone calls are. It's good that you're having a nice time but try not to get swept away so soon, just let whatever this will be evolve by itself.

You have so many red flags flapping she should be running like fuck.

Total limerance and fantasy, red flags galore, I'll give it two weeks before it goes tits up
Healthy relationships do not look like this

Just take it slowly and relax.

Also you say you don't want anything heavy so I hope you've made that very clear to her, I imagine she'll be thinking different with seven hour phone calls etc, my prediction is she'll get serious and you'll back off at million miles an hour

MiniTheMinx My reservations about mixing relationship and family I think are sensible. I don't want to get my kids involved with anyone one new, as least not unless it one day became super serious. Because relationships don't always work out. We have are own nice little life in are our nice family home. My priority is always maintaining that happy comfortable family life for the kids. I have my reservations about introducing any new factors that would jeopardise that. I have always been sceptical of the idea of blended families. That of course doesn't mean my views will never change but my biggest priority is my kids.

StatelessPrincess OP you don't really know her ture but the point is for the first time I want to get to know her. I actually feel compelled to get to know her. Maybe as I do I will see red flags, who knows. As to nothing heavy it be best if I clarify what I mean. Simply I like her and something feels different about her. Plus the conversation, the laughter, the connection just seem to flow naturally with no effort. So I'm not taking about marriage or living happily ever after but what I am taking about is I want to get to know her, date her, spend time with her. I think there is far more than a casual thing growing here. The difference with her is I'm happy to see if things grow rather than keeping it in the FB/FWB box.

Bluedoglead You have so many red flags flapping she should be running like fuck. Please it would be helpful if you enlightened us on the many red flags I have?

Cadence70 maybe your right, only time will tell. But I really feel its worth seeing how things pan out and exploring if things could be more. FYI if it mutually feels right down the line I have no problems with it getting serious or commitment per se. I think anyone who knows me will tell you that. But no one goes into a relationship with has a crystal ball and can tell how things will pan out.

PoorYorick I need to stop thinking too far ahead. Take things easy and just let things flow naturally. I am just caught up in this out of the blue feeling. Its not normal for me and its threw me and my perceptions.

I know you've had a really hard time of it lately, so while this has hit you like a ton of bricks, I'm not actually surprised. It's ironic, but since you have such low expectations for the future, it's actually more likely that anything that does happen is likely to have a magnified effect on you.

It's great that things have started well and now I think you need to relax, enjoy, take it slowly and start to get to know each other at a decent pace. You're both only people, there'll be good stuff and bad stuff, so try to hold onto your hat a bit, as it were.

I hope it all goes well.

Talking that much and investing in a non relationship as much as you are is a massive massive red flag.

You’re not health co parenting with your ex. She wants a lesbian fling. You want it all separated and you are massively limeranceing.

Clusterfuck central all over it

It is lovely that you have made a connection and that you now have a very good phone/online chat relationship. Enjoy it!

Don't read too much into this though. (You are doing so at the moment.)

Be patient/cautious in your assumptions about the next step. Things seem promising but there is no way to tell if you can also have a great relationship in person... except by meeting in person more often.

Good luck to you both.

My personal opinion you had more chances of a healthy relationship developing with the woman you just split up with then this new "put on pedestal" woman.
I remember you from the dating thread talking about your gf, and your other thread talking about "something missing".
I think she ended it because you weren't putting effort in,so she had to !
It makes me annoyed when men see good women but willing to let them go but chase others that don't even have credibility.

I have said to you several times that I think you need to stop dating (relationships, FWBs etc all of it) and focus on actually recovering from your abusive marriage.

I did say to you that I wondered if your feeling of something being ‘missing’ re your previous relationship was actually because you have not adequately reset yourself after your abusive marriage and I cautioned you re the risk of getting into a drama filled relationship with someone who reminded you of your ex wife.

You appear to be doing exactly that.

I do not believe you are in a place where any type of relationship is wise TBH.

Well, I wish you luck OP. It's great when you meet someone you click with, it doesn't happen very often. My only advice is to try and make time to see her in person more often though.

Lust!

I've read most of your previous threads but rarely commented as you have usualky already got great advice before i get there (as is also the case here) however I would add one more thing...it sounds obvious when you read it but remember every single relationship you have is unique. You will never have the same two combination of personalities more than once in your life ( as we are all unique and individual) My strong advice; given you've articulated something is missing - is to stop comparing.

You dont know this woman. You know what shes shown you so far and you dont even know if that is the real her given you have been on one date.

Slow the fuck down. This isn't real. Not yet.
Good Luck

In my own experience, this is creepy. It wasn't too long ago you were in love with a former partner and swinging from the chandeliers

I dread to think how you'll behave towards her, when you have your first argument.

When I have dated men similar to your personality type, or at least the one you present on here (full fooking on!),they were happy to ride the high waves, until real life said hello. Then they were 'suicidal', telling me that if I left them, they would end it (they never did). Or they got angry, lashing out and threatening.

I'm not saying you are like this, and to an extent,you cannot help your core personality. But this looks to me like the sort of thing that will end in court tears.

Thanks everyone. I think there is a lot of wise cautionary advise on here. For the few that know my back story I think you probably have a bit more insight. I do need to chill and see how things work out. Hopefully its not a flash in the pan because I had the most brilliant of das with her and conversations. It never seems any effort with her, things just flow nicely.

As for red flags other feed backs have a little feed into my fears. Especially ones relating to my judgment of women. I suppose there is always an element of that self doubt when you were married to tpe of person I was. Also I do worry about her eagerness to have a lot of my attention. I really like her attention but only time will tell if she can dig that my day to day life leaves little free time. But likewises it suprises me that for her I have been able to make time to chat and likewise wanted to chat a lot. Teensandfuture about the person I was seeing I think she ended it because you weren't putting effort in, so she had to ! I think you hit the nail on the head (but neither was she). And that is the key difference with her as busy as my life is I really want to make the extra effort. There is a kind of Karmic irony maybe in all this. I a few of my FWB/FB situatons of past the other person has developed feeling for me and wanted more than I want. The difference this time is maybe I want more too this time.

It may all fizzle out. Maybe I have got too wrapped up in her enthusiasm for me. All I know is honestly I have never met a woman so much of the same wavelength as me (including my ex wife, who was in many ways very different from me). Its exciting, feels natural and I am just enjoying our interaction. I cant help the way I feel at the moment.

Bluedoglead The idea of a non relationship (whether healthy or not) is not reflective of what is going on or what is being said both ways. There is something developing. Like every dating scenario its early days but there is willing being shown both ways. And she is not seeking a lesbian relationship. She is just seeking to experiment with sexual urges she's had but never during her former marriage had time to experiment with. I know people have different views on these things but I don't see why this should bother me. Why would I want to hold her back from discovering more about her self? Life is to short not to try the things you want to. I'm not the possessive type and I am not her keeper, nor would I ever want to be.

Faking I do think you are making big assumptions about me, yet you know so little of me. You have very little understanding of my attitude. I am not happy to ride the high waves, until real life said hello. I do not get suicidal or angry or threatening with the other person when it ends. I have been in love once in my life, had my heart broken in a very cruel ways by said person. Yet I think anyone one who knows my back story will vouch that I have been non of those things you describe to my ex wife (apart for natural internalised anger, which MN has been a great place to express). If anything far from that. I have picked my self up, shown my ex compassion/understanding and carried on trying to make the best life I can for me and my kids. So you are incorrect if you believe me to be anything like those ex's of yours in that respect.

If you are talking about the person I was seeing before yes I thought she was a good catch, a brilliant person but I never felt like it was going anywhere and never felt exactly right. And in the past I talked about that feeling of something missing. The proof of how I felt I suppose was in the pudding, I never put much effort into it. I'm sure I'm not the only person who ever dated a great person but that person just wasn't for them? My attitude this time is different because it feels different.

You’ve had one date. Seriously.

My worry is that it feels different because your ‘picker’ has been adjusted by your ex wife so that you find healthy relationships with functioning people boring and undesirable and drama filled relationships with unstable people attractive and comfortable.

Most lesbian and bisexual women don’t want to be used by a straight woman for experimenting and finding out more about herself (otherwise know as playing at homosexuality)... it’s quite selfish of her to set out along that route IMO.