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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

998 replies

Basseting · 20/01/2018 17:31

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

OP posts:
Original poster
Basseting · 21/01/2018 21:06

yy to getting kids to bed so can lick wounds (or even just have head space) - it is so important to be able to process things. hope you have a peaceful evening, ginger. sometimes i hate being a grown up too.

last 2/3 times I saw HIM he was all: 'oh, you are being SO mature about this, so dignified, what happened to the wild girl who would go crazy about stuff?' it was really weird he almost sounded disappointed? (so I said: okay shall I lose the plot then? we were standing on a tube platform and he had his back to the line and was really near the edge and he actually looked worried for a fleeting second, the silly arse!) bizarrely i have ALWAYS been way more 'grown up' than him - he had all the trappings when I met him but he has screwed it all up royally whereas I have coped with things he never could?

OP posts:
Original poster
Basseting · 21/01/2018 21:11

Day 10 complete. Night all.
HE used to text me every night without fail: 'sleep well'.
I misss it. Sad

OP posts:
gingergenius · 21/01/2018 21:14

Yes @Basseting I know the feeling of being emotionally involved with a man child.

My ex had a trump card. His parents died when he was 11 so, empath that I am, have made excuses for him which has given him a free pass for bad behaviour.

I had a dysfunctional upbringing so have craved approval and validation all my life. But of a perfect storm.

But am learning to make better choices based on my needs and not other peoples.

A hard process but absolutely the right thing to do!

OldBook · 21/01/2018 21:34

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 21/01/2018 21:50

Hope everyone is having a nice day/evening. I'm actually fine this evening, no sadness and no over thinking.

gingergenius · 21/01/2018 21:51

That's brilliant @NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 x

Original poster
Basseting · 21/01/2018 21:53

NK Star for you! :)

am reading about Brazilian wandering spiders on another thread (about bananas) and having evil thoughts... Grin

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 21/01/2018 22:01

Thanks Ginger and Basseting I just feel very calm tonight and not worrying about him at all, or us, or what will be. I think it's because I'm no longer expecting a message so the tension isn't there. Am hoping this feeling stays.

OldBook · 21/01/2018 22:23

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NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 21/01/2018 22:29

That last message completely confused me Oldbook. Are you saying you don't want more with him but want him to want you? Apologies if I've picked it up wrong.

I suppose my reality is there never was anything this time around and all evidence and declarations have been deleted. It's like it's never happened.

OldBook · 21/01/2018 23:06

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NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 21/01/2018 23:16

Ah I get you now Oldbook. Glad you are feeling better about it all now.

appella · 22/01/2018 00:59

Drankfirst day in January (I've quit drinking but it's work party and wouldn't actually be able to endure it otherwise) - just a few drinks but I've just taken myself to bed and missing him badly. Luckily he's been deleted from my phone except his number, so I can't stalk his photos or whatever and get upset. Need to hold onto knowing this is all a good decision.

anxiousnow · 22/01/2018 01:11

Aww app sorry you are down. At least you can't drunk text so no horrible regrets in the morning. Did you manage to enjoy the work party before you got home.

Basseting great response. Hope he is ok.

I have come to a really embarrassing conclusion tonight. I had swiped OLD on a man who I was originally drawn to because he looked so much like my NC. I actually questioned if it was him using a different name Blush I have been flirting with him via whatsapp. The intensity increased and I super stalking my NC's social mediaas much. The OLD nc lookalike has backed off abit and i feel thrown back to day 1. I know i was the lack of communication with NC with look alike NC but still carried on. I am pathetic that I need this. Hadn't even met him yet Blush

anxiousnow · 22/01/2018 01:13

I stopped stalking my NC's SM as much*

He isn't my NC guy i know that and couldn't fill the hole he left but was helping a lot

OldBook · 22/01/2018 01:44

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user1493423934 · 22/01/2018 02:33

NK heres another Star
App sorry you're feeling the way you are - very brave of you to delete all your photos etc of him. It was definitely the right thing to do, you might not think so now but you will realise this in the future. My ex has deleted all photos of me on fb. I'll admit that hurt a bit when I found out, but it's now hurting a bit less.
oldbook how are you doing?

OldBook · 22/01/2018 03:27

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user1493423934 · 22/01/2018 04:34

Oldbook thats great, you can totally do 3 weeks.
Ugh not sorted house situation yet - looks like gonna have to sell Sad. Will find out soon. Major shortages of rentals around here so stressed about that. Never mind. Trying to think positively.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 22/01/2018 06:54

Checking in for Day 21. Hope everyone is okay today

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 22/01/2018 07:22

I like this no nonsense article:www.glamour.com/story/breakup-no-contact-rule

OldBook · 22/01/2018 08:07

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OldBook · 22/01/2018 08:08

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anxiousnow · 22/01/2018 08:21

user sorry to hear that may have to sell. I am still stuck in my marital home trapped in the school catchment issue. Neither of us can afford somewhere else. This is over 5 years since he left. I wish i had made the break back then but at the time holding on to the house was so important to me.

NK good morning day 21. Will check article out later. Thanks

Oldbrook the hoping for good luck message is tough... would it help to try and assume he won't? Good luck for tomorrow.

Embarrassed to say i am going to go low contact with NC unhealthy lookalike replacement. The text watching etc has started so massive alarm bells in my head. I know I wasn't ready and know there is something massively lacking in me to need it so bad.

Good luck today everyone

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 22/01/2018 08:55

User so sorry to hear that you need to sell. The rental in my area is crazy as well. I'm definitely going to have to sell. Was looking at houses at the weekend and looks like I could afford a smaller home in a village outside the town I live in. It wouldn't be ideal but affordable and I know people there.

Anxious you seem very aware of going low contact. I think I'd be doing similar if I were you. Be wary of crashing and burning and mourning the loss of 2 relationships. Equally if you view it as a bit of fun and don't get over invested it could be an ego boost and help you get over NC. Be careful Flowers

Oldbook I really hope he is in touch with you about the work event.