NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Basseting he's hardly jumping for joy at seeing you is he? Or is that the dynamic? You beg for a meeting and he appears like he doesn't care?

Ugh hate temperatures Enirroc. They scare me.

Can't get warm today, am absolutely freezing

Thanks ladies

Temperatures scare me too and it climbed so fast last night...

Basseting I'm sorry you're having such a tough time with your ex, sounds all very messy. Can't see what was in it for you to continue /resume a loveless marriage but he was obviously content with it - I think men tend to be far happier with low quality marriages because they get a much better deal out of marriage generally (home comforts, childcare etc). Is the divorce going g to surprise the children, given that you had already parted?

I guess the creepy guy could say it all has nothing to do with him, as it was your phone, your marriage etc etc. What would you ideally like him to do or say? Do you have a request for him, or just want to forewarn him that he will be named in the divorce?

His text to you about meeting is insulting in its begrudging tone.

Do you have enough support around you with the divorce?

Hope your lo bounces back quickly Enniroc, it's hideous sometimes having no-one else there for physical support or even to get a second opinion when the dc are sick

Will post more later, skiving for five mins for a quick read to catch up!

Basseting
As NK said there's nothing redeemable about your DAT, but there isn't much redeemable about your H.
You are allowed to change your mind any time you want. You separated (it is official as you moved out) ,he says he doesn't love you anymore, you didn't share a bedroom for 10 years. I get about kids and £ but when will you put yourself first? Your life is about you ,not what everyone else around you think is best for you
Your H can still see the kids and pay maintenance,he doesn't get to call the shots and he can name anyone he wants in divorce,it means f**k all, you separated a while ago..
Its time to look into the future Basseting, I'm actually convinced that IF you lose BOTH twats from your life,it will get so much better.Your confidence level will improve, your wellbeing,your health ..
I know what I'm talking about, I'm basically different person after my divorce 7 years ago, literally every area of my life is on track and under control,apart from relationships/having a partner.But even in regards to this I know Id be married now/living with someone IF I was willing to settle ,I just don't want to settle ...

i'm actually convinced that IF you lose BOTH twats from your life,it will get so much better. nicely put teens!!

Scary to get rid of rubbish when it's all you've known, but take that leap of courage and you suddenly have space for the good stuff. You can do it basseting!

enniroc I'm glad your little one is a bit better. Temperatures are so worrying when they are small. I hope he continues to improve and I hope you've got someone that can help you a Bit?

Basseting I don't think you should go. Why does he even need to know about the fall out? Do you want him to feel guilt? From the way he treats you I don't think that is in his mindset. You obviously have to decide for yourself but I think you would be better off spending the time and money on something that will give you a personal boost. It really should be time to cut dom out of your life for good.

Glad to hear others are sounding stronger. I do too, January done, pining for someone who treated me badly done (almost).

Basseting ye clothes shopping would make you feel good(I assume as I love shopping spree) instead of paying for travel and worrying if hes going to meet up,for how long and what mood he'll be in..

I think the others are right. Would you consider not going and not telling him. Let him wait for you. See does he text to see where you are?

Basseting I am sorry but his text is horrible. There was a deliberate decision to word it so reluctantly.
Your H is also being a twat. Him naming you makes no difference. You were separated. 5 years separation gives a non blame divorce.
I know you don't want to hear this but please even if you have to fake it show strength if you meet DOM. If he acts reluctant when you arrive you act in different. Just well i am.not surprised to receive the same shit treatment but from you I would expect nothing less. That is if you really have to go. We will be here to hold your hand when you get back but would rather hold your hand to hold you back from going.

Oh you lot are amazing!!!!

I agonised whether to put that post as I thought I came across like some awful tramp or something. You are so kind not to at me.
It is worse though really...
He left his wife for me all those years ago. Then he spent 20 odd yrs with someone else. Then, after another disastrous business deal, he ran out of money and left her to go back and stay in his wife;s house - whilst seeing half of the continent of Asia it would seem. This became apparent not long before Christmas. I didnt know any of his friends any more. I believed what he told me. I did notice that there was a locked bedroom in his house (her room) and that he has a yale lock on his bedroom too but he's always been an odd bod so I didnt really connect it. Plus I only went there 3 times - he came to me mostly. Yuk.

I bought the ticket - a cheap overnight seat so I will feel/look awful when I arrive at 7am. I dont care how I look this time however.

I DO want him to feel guilty yes. I know he wont.
But I want to look into his face and tell him what a hypocrite he is.
(Mr slightly more religious than the Pope and all).
Is that awful?
I have not behaved well either. But i have not lied to him. I was not living with my spouse / in the same house. But I am a bloody idiot and I do feel ashamed.

What time is your train at Basseting? Are you there just for the day? Maybe you just need to look him in the eyes and walk away

You're not an idiot Basseting and you deserve far better than him or your ex husband

Enirroc

Sorry - have had my head up my own arse as it were -

how is your small person now? is the temp still stable?
its so horrid how quick it can change.
It is also horrid feelimg you are the only responsible adult for more than one child, let alone 3 when one is sick.
Hope you are both getting some rest now?

arrive at 7am. leave at 3pm
I cant carry my laptop in case he doesnt show (I am on crutches)
(and even so he 'doesn't want heavy bag' (the arse!)
and I dont get MN on my phone (old and rubbish) so I wont be able to check back in till Sun am prob (even then ExH will be nosing over my shoulder - he is looking after the kids 'for me' till then as I've had a consultant appointment 50miles from home today.

Leaving in 30mins. Hope you all have a lovely weekend.
That children stay well and calm for their Mums.
That ex's are not too twattish.
that light relief is had with friends if poss but quiet times relaxing if not.

@Basseting they're at their dads now, so if anything happens there are two adults there. I'm utterly shattered though and upset because my plans for tonight got cancelled so now I'm sat at home on my own feeling lonely... Not a good combination.

Will be thinking of you tomorrow x

thank you Einirroc you are a lovely person to think of others at a time like thia! hope your evening passes quickly and nicely!!!

I shall be thinkning of you all tomorrow at 7am

DIGNIFIED. DIGNIFIED. DIGNIFIED.

The problem is my mind is going back to my git of a NC... 😔

Good luck Basseting we are all behind you.

How's everyone this evening?

Oldbook SOME closure stories end up as fairytales though..
My NC apparently gone out with the girl, dumped her then she bumped his trolley into his leg in the supermarket because she seen him ,they reconciled and got married afterwards..she is his wife lol and that's why he's not available to me...its always somebody else's fairytale though! Where's mine??