NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

[Basseting]

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

Oldbook I think you're spot on. He's really stubborn so I didn't think he'd crack.

Itsa you won't be on your own forever. Please don't think that

User huge handhold from me. Have you got anyone you can spend time with? I found this full moon so unsettling. I know loads of people think I'm probably cracked but I live by the sea and really believe in the whole push/pull

User we all come on this thread with different emotions. You are going through a really tough time. I'm going to have to make some tough decisions this year (Not related to NC) and I'll be looking for handholds too.

Oldbook I think that's what's so nice about this thread. It's so supportive. Some days I come on and feel like I bleat on about myself (like yesterday) and other days I feel like I can give support and advice.

Sorry I fell asleep last night

teens hope you are feeling less desperate tonight. Maybe the very reason you want NC 1 year guy is because of the rejection. Sometimes we just want more what we can't have or trick ourselves that we do. It is sometimes safer as subconsciously we know it won't happen. This might not be you though. I hope today is better for you.

itsa no! You will not be alone for ever. Please don't think that. With the right person the relationship will be easier.

user another hand here. The thought of him away and not having your friends must be so upsetting. Do you have anyone else around to help keep you occupied this weekend. Sorry about house too.

NK hmm he was thinking of you. Has made a move but not brave enough to talk serious but just chat enough. Glad you didn't take the bait. How are you feeling about it today?

Eni are you Ok? Blanket and marshmallows sound lovely.

Morning (here anyway ;) Dignified NC'ers!!!

What a moon! I didn't see it live from where I was but the pics are Fab.

Effects here were: I booked a ticket to see DOM, txtd, no reply.
MF who I saw last time (same city) can no longer be a uncomplicated reason to visit as he is doing lots of 'my wife doesn't understand me' (fine but a bit boring endlessly) but also 'I told you about my old g/f ((the bit I found 'porny')) tell me about DOM'. Er, no.....wtf?).

BUT it is useful: I can see how talking about intimacy with someone else can lead to permeable barriers with the current convo. Also the lure of wanting to have the last word when you feel you've been misunderstood/misrepresented is HUGE (it makes up 80% of most MN threads!) then if you add in an emotional / physical attraction (not with MF but still enormous with DOM) then no wonder the trap springs.

NK user itsa OldBook teens

shall we all go under Enirrocs blanket for the weekend and scoff marshmallows (homemade you say) ???? I am supposed to be dieting..

Anxious I'm actually feeling good today. Empowered that he contacted me. Not surprised it is surface cheat but on reflection I don't have the headspace or room for anything else at the moment so maybe friendly banter is the way to go.

We both finished off last night saying goodnight so I won't be anxiously waiting for a text today. I'm thinking low regularish contact might be better for me than none. What do you all think?

Little check in - still going strong! Have sent one message yesterday asking if I can pick up my stuff from his entrance hall, he said yes but h won be there (so I can't actually get to it, would need to be buzzed in), I've said to let me know if he's in any evening next week. No intention of seeing him, and I didn't care eith r way if he replied (other than to get my stuff back) -

If it makes you feel empowered and good then definitely, NK

appella - you go girl! that sounds super-cool. Well done!

Thanks for the advice Oldbook all of which is making sense. I'll ponder on it for a few as there is no urgency to contact again.

I actually enjoyed the banter last night which did get deep but not about us. I'm not ready for that chat so I'm thinking it's a good thing to just touch base every fee weeks but be mindful it's not just me touching base.

Thanks Basseting and hello App

Hi, everyone 😊Thank you for your supportive messages, you are all fab🤗I'm feeling normal and reasonable today , it probably WAS the bloody moon!

Good thing I didn't message anyone, although was contemplating to message both NC and 1 year NC guy.

My NC appears on WhatsApp in the middle of the night, 2 nights in row..whos he chatting to? Made me feel sick thinking about it,and although I massively reduced on time I'm stalking him ,maybe I should just delete WhatsApp for a while, at least that way I can keep my fragile inner peace and balance.

Thank you all so much for the hand hold !
Really needed it.
It's been a rough few days - saw lawyer and we will definitely have to sell house. Ex is adamant - he has made it so difficult for me to purchase (I really wanted to stay here with kids.)
I've had a look at a few rentals online and its so depressing - so expensive!
I actually think I will be OK this weekend - it will be the first quiet one since before Xmas. The last couple of weekends I have had lots of social stuff happening, and I was out tonight (Thurs night) for drinks. So might be good to have a quiet weekend alone with kids - might go out for dinner with my mum on Saturday night so will see.
Still going to be hard knowing ex is having time of his life this weekend. I'm trying not to feel bitter and resentful, but it's not fair he can afford all these lovely weekends away with new woman and I can't. And still so sad he has moved on so soon, and our wedding anniversary coming up - we usually celebrated the weekend before.
Fourteen years ago I was excitedly planning my wedding, 10 years ago I was 8 months pregnant with my first DC (also excited). Man, if i knew then what I knew now . . . no use dwelling on it I guess.
NK Oldbook Basseting anxious Thank you for your kind words. I have a feeling I will be on this thread a bit over the weekend.

Yes! we definitely are in same country. Damn storms - still a bit windy here but better thankfully. How about you?

user
Hindsight is a bitch/wonderful thing' (delete as appropriate) huh?
I guess it is good that we 'dont know' as then we would never have experienced the hope we did when standing at the church door, going into the maternity suite (keeps telling self, with limited success...)
I am sorry your ex is being a git about housing issues though

Old yy re the cake. I ate brilliantly for 5 days. All I could think about was cake. Then I ate 6 jam tarts in one go. 1 a day would have been better... I really like your line about 'not how I feel when I see him it's about how I feel when I don't'. I still believe he stopped it because he couldn't cope with the intense feelings vs how little we can actually meet (I know he has not 'found anyone else') but I do wish he had Talked to Me About It, not done his classic 'cut and run' (which he does with everyone). Gratuitously painful.

teens oh, bloody well done for not msg either NC'er
Glad you are feeling a bit better and last night behind you.x

I also like your line about 'fragile inner peace and balance'
I try to think of it as a fey gauzey sparkly web thing (with fairy lights 'n' unicorns. and an elongated crystal scale sparkling in the sun
but usually I visualise myself as an old and rusty pair of sweetshop scales (the kind with the brass pan and the wee weights) and he is squatting in the pan like an odious toad. I want to shout: Fuck Off out of my Pan (but that is stupid as I also want him here) Aaargh....

Had a huge post but it deleted so frustrating.

Teens well done for not messaging. It's so hard when you want to.

Oldbook I'd love to know that too about Messenger. It's been driving me batty the last few days.

User sorry to hear about your ex. I think my stbxh is going to be the same. I'm dreading all the upheaval.

How are you today Basseting?

Itsa how are you?

Basseting when are you going to see DOM and what are you going to say?

Oldbook do you think you will ask those questions?

I have questions but they need to be asked face to face. He would side swerve them online. I'm not ready to hear the answers and don't know when I will be keeping everything light and cheery for now and keep a very watchful eye on triggers such as boundaries and delayed response to messages

I suddenly got a free overnight and Sat day 'pass' from ExH re childcare.

But texted DOM and no reply so far (standard though even when things were good he is not great at replying to anyone - lives in a world of his own!)

I'd prob just like to talk in general.
I feel less like shaking him than I did!

but it's too far/£ to go on the off chance. Pah.

NK light contact sounds the way to go. Just make sure the time between doesn't start getting smaller etc. Set a timeframe you will not contact him before Maybe? So that even if you think of something you would like to share with him your timeframe stops you.

Oldbrook much the same as NK light contact at most for now.

basseting is the trip very soon? Please please don't let him make you feel like shit if you do go or anxious for his confirmation he'll meet. Your way with words is lovely btw.

user sorry your ex is being vindictive.

Teens so glad you didn't message either. The online thing used to drive me crazy too. But in reality it doesn't prove or disprove anything. My daughter showed me as showing as online when I wasn't on whatsapp.

Do you ladies think it is OK to text my lookalikeNC over the weekend about his surgery on Friday. I am still blocked on whatsapp but can text. I am not making excuses for him but I know he was really worried about it and part of his weird rejection of me and everyone (apparently) may have been to do with that. Well he said himself it was as things changed when that incident that required surgery happened?

Basseting I wasn't sure whether to say this or not but I am worried for you. I am worried you are going to anxiously await his reply, that he will upset you if you do meet him, that he will let you down. Please be careful

Anxious totally up to you but honestly I wouldn't be contacting him. He's already blocked you and do you really want to have a text relationship with someone who rejects people. He sounds like hard work and you're not even going out with him.

Basseting does DOM know you are coming to get closure. I honestly wouldn't go if it was me but if you feel it will be good for you then do it. Remember how he made you feel the last time though. He completely and utterly broke you.