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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

NC Dignity Club Pt 4: The Only Way Is Up

998 replies

Basseting · 20/01/2018 17:31

Welcome to the No Contact Dignity Club Part 4

If you are aiming for it, trying to maintain it, being 'offered' it, coming back to it... NC support is here!

OP posts:
Enirroc · 01/02/2018 22:41

Got a sick child to deal with now... 😔

I'm a wreck... So worried

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 01/02/2018 22:43

Oh no. Is your child alright Enirroc?

Itsalottery · 01/02/2018 22:44

Oh no enniroc sorry to hear that. Worried because you're feeling crap or worried about your child? Just a bug or something serious? X

OldBook · 02/02/2018 07:44

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OldBook · 02/02/2018 07:45

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NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 02/02/2018 07:51

Oldbook could you go for drinks for a couple of hours and then say you are leaving to go on a date. Play him at his own game?

I am grand this morning. Surprisingly calm. The contact has put my mind at ease that he does still think of me. I've not decided whether I will initiate or not. I feel the 30 days has given me breathing space so I can decide what to do, or not do. My head is clearer and I'm starting to see things from his perspective

OldBook · 02/02/2018 08:05

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Basseting · 02/02/2018 08:55

Hope things are okay with your child, Enirroc???

OP posts:
anxiousnow · 02/02/2018 09:19

NK you seriously sound so strong! Glad you are good today.

Oldbrook glad you think you can wait him out. Your reasons for not going to the event make sense. I like NK's suggestion of breeze in and out. If you think you woukd be able to leave once there.

itsa hope your little girl went to school happy.

eni how is your little one?

I haven't done any SM stalking this week. I agree Oldbrook indifference is the harsh opposite. Hate or anger is at least a feeling.

Basseting · 02/02/2018 09:26

NK and OldBook you both sound so positive.

Yes I think the opposite of Love is not hate but indifference.
Is DOM now indifferent? I dont know?
He has not replied to my suggestion of meeting tomorrow.

Certainly he is capable of astonishingly cruel behaviour -
if something isnt 'fit for purpose' he will simply kill it off without compunction. He behaved this way all his professional life & his lack of 'social awareness' in general is remarkably unempathic. He carries this into his personal life too and simply 'switches off' anything he finds 'too difficult' (ie the messes he has made).
I know when ending relationships with other women he has behaved badly (he 'confessed' with many tears when we re-met how guilty he felt for his behaviour which has been terribly shabby over the years).

Yet in some ways the 'cutting dead' is because he found it so hard - all last summer he said I am frightened by how much I need you and it is so painful you are 400m away (genuine practical difficulties why meeting more than monthly was impossible, he has commitments at his end I have two needy children, the likelihood of us ever 'wandering romantically into the sunset' was low/years away and he is an impatient man). Equally I think I pushed him harder than I should have (I got carried away with it all). Actually I would be happy to travel to see him monthly and to see where that took us long term.
I know he's been 'processing' me from someone he feels desire for to someone he can have a quick lunch with and walk home whistling. Last time we made love it was more tentative. (prev it has been the most passionate sex I have ever had) -it may just have been that we were tired. But, i'd rather not have sex than have tentative or rejection.
But perhaps he doesnt get enough from a 'friendship' to make it worth any effort on his part? Or perhaps he is scared I am coming 'to seduce him' and he wont resist? I dont know. I wish I knew.

So, lovely NC'ers...
I txt: "this Sat, early-3pm-ish. Could you be around?" and: "Pls reply!"
no reply...
Now what? Do I text again: "ETA 8.55am.. tomorrow."
tbf he doesnt usually reply till he gets a firm date and time?

Or just not go (no one else to meet that end this wkend so waste of £)
but then he will never take an 'eta...' seriously again?

OP posts:
Teensandfuture · 02/02/2018 09:35

NK you sound confident and strong,well done! I'm pleased for him initiating and showing he still cares,great stuff,you just need to be careful and show you are in control .Do not initiate ,and always finish chats first...

Oldbook if nights out with him bring out negative memories,chances are you will be expecting similar happening as in the past ,if you go out with the group this time round, even if nothing negative will happen. Nights out are for enjoyment and if you feel you wont enjoy yourself then whats the point going? Just don't go at all or make plans with some other friends for that night and ACTUALLY enjoy yourself.. the other suggestion about coming for 45 minutes and leaving for the date is great eyeforaneye

Teensandfuture · 02/02/2018 09:48

Basseting
Is your DOM now indifferent?
Hmm I don't think so,he sounds as controlling and manipulative person and probably plays mindgames.

Reminds me of my expartner,he was a pro in emotional manipulation.When he seen I'm a keen for a great loving relationship,hed play hard to get -he wanted to be alone, he needed space to do his own thing often,he didn't want to put effort into relationship because he was sure I will always be there . When I had enough of being a chaser ,he changed his tactic- he would go angry,accusing me of all sorts ,provoking a response from me so Ill get back in touch and wed carry on that dysfunctional dance. When he realised that didn't work,he changed tactic again-he was the chaser now, saying all the right words,making all the right promises and doing things to please me. Funnily enough all the things I wanted him to do(and mentioned about a year prior and I already forgotten about ) now been done without any reminders, he was looking for ways to please me ...Funny how he was JUST ignoring my requests when he knew Id still be there even if he didn't contribute to relationship how I wanted him to..

Anyway it was a derailment but hope it shows what I mean ,your DOM might still appear when he realised he lost you, but hes no prize you should just see him as decrepit abusive twat and concentrate on finding someone new and worthy..

Basseting · 02/02/2018 09:55

not DOM (decrepit old man) but DAT (decrepit abusive twat) then! Grinyou may be right....

but I DO still want to have contact on my terms.
I have told him there is something I need to speak to him about but 'not "us"'.
It is the fall out from our relationship. Exh has got to know and is going to make things very hard for me. I wanted to let DOM know.
No more. NO drama. Just to tell him over a pot of tea. I need him to know that there have been big and lasting effects on my life. I want him to remember that. Then I was going to walk away.

(tho I may arrange to be in his vicinity sometime this summer looking slim and lovely in a pretty dress and simply waft past in Dignified Fashion).

OP posts:
OldBook · 02/02/2018 09:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Basseting · 02/02/2018 10:05

Old I know what you mean but he NEEDS to know about the fallout.
If I email/text I will never know if he knows. and he SHOULD know
(channels Alanis' 'You oughta know...'

OP posts:
Belonger · 02/02/2018 10:12

Ooh basseting why do you want to feed his narcissism by telling him what impact he's had on your life?? Is it the curse of the myth of closure?

I'd you want to get it all off your chest, you could write him a letter that you have no intention of sending. Really let rip, say everything you want to say, ideally by hand, then make the most of this bright fabulous moon and go outside and burn the letter. Send all your pain and unfulfilled wishes to the moon - she can easily bear them - and ask her to replace them with strength and love or whatever you most want. Let the past go!!

Ooh get me! I've come over all mystical!

Belonger · 02/02/2018 10:12

I honestly have no idea why he needs to know!

Belonger · 02/02/2018 10:22

basseting OK I'm going to say this, and I really hope you're not offended. I am worried about your self esteem, that you are chasing someone who has been controlling and insulting to you, and who has lots of young Asian girls/women as Facebook friends. I thought you would be running in the opposite direction.

If it's at all possible I really encourage you to either have some counselling to look at why you think it's OK for a man to treat you like this, or read as much as you can about emotional abuse, codependency, anxious attachment etc.

Please know that this is meant with concern for you and kindness, not judgement.

Except judgement of him, I think he's a creepy old bully to be quite honest.

Basseting · 02/02/2018 11:15

It's not a: 'you have caused me pain, why were you so cruel' chat tho

Before DOM and I re-met in 2016 I'd moved out of my marital home.
Floated initially partly for work reasons but exH and I had had sep bedrooms for a decade and by the time I left it was agreed on both sides that it was a 'trial separation'..we'd been miserable for a long time. The relief was considerable, on both sides i think.

I had no intention of dating. The situation with DOM (2nd time around) would not and could not have arisen with anyone else.
DOM and I were in touch for about 7m before it became physical.
He spent some time saying he 'didnt want to affect my marriage'
I'd told him that i was already separated but agreed discretion was sensible (I wanted to see if it was stable /would last before I would consider telling the children / anyone so I also didnt tell exH about it).

H says he 'no longer loves me' but feels our coming back is 'the most sensible /practical thing to do'. It would make me miserable. but re the kids / £ etc I think he is probably right.
So, an unhappy option was there, i guess.

Last weekend H used my phone to record the kids in a show and he went through it and, apparently, 'found enough evidence' to decide I'd been 'seeing someone'. He is angry.
He says he will now divorce me and 'name DOM' in divorce.
I can see why he is upset. Although we were separated and living miles apart /sep finances etc I was not honest about seeing DOM.
Wed not formalised the Separation yet and I'd been a bit soft about contact so he'd come to see the kids here (their choice) and I wonder if he thought that we would continue like that indefinately.

Perhaps I have only got what I deserve. Pls dont flame me.
Despite the marriage being over I am upset I have hurt ExH.
I feel very guilty that the children's lives might be further affected now.

It is not the most pressing issue, but I want DOM to know.
He should know.

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 02/02/2018 11:17

Basseting there is nothing redeemable about him and he doesn't deserve any explanations. He doesn't even reply to your texts and yet you still make excuses for him. He's despicable, creepy and abusive. I agree with Belonger I think counselling would great so you can figure out why you let him treat you like that.

This is only said with kindness too Flowers

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 02/02/2018 11:23

Oldbook indifference from him would break my heart. Loving the idea of freezing in and out. That way you get to see friends but show him that you have a life and are attractive and desirable to someone else.

Anxious yes I'm feeling strong in myself. I hope it lasts.

Teens I will tread very carefully. At the moment I am going to bask in the warmth of my ego boost but I will stay mindful to protect my own feelings

Basseting · 02/02/2018 11:50

I have found nothing but kindness on this thread and read all msgs that way.

i just got a text: 'i guess we can meet tom 7-3. reluctant to meet for all of it. weather awful. dont bring heavy bags'

So i guess it is my choice now. I will have a think whilst at hosp and be back late afternoon.x.x..x

OP posts:
Enirroc · 02/02/2018 11:53

Sorry I've not been around...

I was so worried last night, his temperature was soaring, he's got a nasty, mucousy cough but he just couldn't clear it to breath properly. He's so much better today, but were both shattered.

I was a wreck being on my own with all three of them, thinking I might have to take him to hospital, worrying about the other two getting ill as well, and being emotional about being abandoned to deal with them alone....

Life sucks

Belonger · 02/02/2018 12:07

Oh enirroc you poor thing, that sounds really scary and exhausting. I'm glad he is a bit better today and hope you can both rest.

The universe can be a bastard to us sometimes

Belonger · 02/02/2018 12:08

Good luck basseting with whatever you decide.

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