Opinions on dp going for drinks with a female friend

[Lajumelle]

I'm just wondering what opinions are on a male dp saying he is going out for drinks with his female friend.

I personally am fuming about it. He knows her from his sports club and they were friends before I met him (we've been together about 18 months). I've never met her which makes it worse, I think. What makes me even more angry is that him and I rarely go out ourselves so I can't understand why he would want to take somebody else out. He swears nothing romantic has ever gone on with her and she is just a friend. To me, the fact it will just be the two of them makes it to much of a date type set-up. How would you deal with this? Should I put my foot down?

All I require is a long enough time period to be confident she’s the one and know the person intensely. There are no guarantees ever and relationships do fail all the time but at the same time I’m loathe to start trying for a baby with someone I met 3 months ago. The age of the woman is purely down to the pressure thing. I don’t require 6 years but is probably better if you have the time. Even as a man I wouldn’t want to wait that long. But what happens if I meet a 38 year old like me and see them for 18 months and for whatever reason split up like many relationships do? Am I an absolute demon for ‘wasting’ her final fertile years? Am I obliged to just give it up as it’s unfair on the woman that I (might) have the ability to continue to persue children with someone new? It’s only for these reasons why I think it’s better all round to try to find someone younger as that way after a couple of years she still has time to move on

Offred I do agree with what you say and I hope the (excellently named ) Caucho gets true love

It’s a (reasonably) free country, if anyone thinks they can get X then they should be working towards it ?

I just think it’s a false narrative to assume that people can get what they want just by “thinking logically X suits me so I’m going to get X”

We’re dealing with people and emotions here here not winning a debate in the House of Commons.

Realistically anyone’s pool of people for potential relationships only will include people who are interested in serious relationships with them?

Especially online, there’s lots of sexist one sided talk about how “men are the choosers” in relationships (maybe with the intention of frightening women into settling down with the first man they date)

Apparently once women hit 35 the attention flow dries up and we can’t get a single man because they’re all after younger blood (that’s what my mate Meghan says )

and that just doesn’t seem to correlate with how real life actually is?

Sure there are some tall, or well off /or both older types who get lots of younger women, but your Average Joe with a dadbod isn’t going to be one of them.

(I really need to go away and do my research paper now rather than procrastinating and making the thread digress)

Ha ha! Oh Meghan!

Personally I’ll be quite glad when ‘the attention flow dries up’! Creepy fucking harassing twats...

I look young (people think 10 years!) so if she’s right I’ve maybe got another 12 years... 😩

I meet a (very funny, handsome) male friend for lunch; for drinks... sometimes he cooks for me. He came on my alternative hen night (just the two of us) 20 years ago.

We don’t meet often these days (maybe twice a year), but I did finish a relationship before DH because that person objected to my friendship.

If we’d wanted to take things further, we’d have done it 25 years ago. Our friendship proves that it is entirely possible to have a very good friend of the opposite sex without ever shagging them.

Do you know me ?

Yup. From your responses over the years. Your bilious nature is clear.

Says the man named ‘cleavergreene’!

Shit, I’ve been sprung!:)

I prefer this one though;)

m.youtube.com/watch?v=2xZEJvDlOlg

If I was your boyfriend I’d be leaving you.

Not because I’m some dick wanting a younger women with a hard body

I've only ever heard the term 'hard body' in American Psycho!

One of my favourite books but don’t tend to mention that on a first date

Haha same babyccinoo and same caucho! I always tend to presume people are using it ironically as a reference to that book...

What a light hearted and congenial thread.

This guy isn't a catch is he? Mr gadget, expensive bike, sit on the sofa, entitled, no interest in anyone else whatsoever. Not exactly fantastic Dad material. I dont think he'll respond well to an ultimatum about kids and I dont think, if you weren't feeling the age pressure, you'd choose him to be the father of your children. He's just not that nice and not worth the bother. It sounds like you're just someone to share the bills with frankly (I hope you're not doing all the housekeeping for him too...).

But fertility is a real issue and you might need to get real about that. Yes women can have children into their 40s (see that odious California woman with 13 of them, whose children were chained to their beds). But here's the reality. My first child at 36 - odds of Downs (or other trisonomies): 1 in 22,000; my second child at 38 - odds of Downs - 1 in 250. 4 pregnancies, 2 healthy babies.

I find the male presumption 'all women in their late 30s want babies' odious. Some do. Not all. But you'd have to view women as people not commodities and put hard bodies, compliant natures, fresh eggs, aside to find someone you're worthy of.

As a single woman in my early 50s my incubation days are over, but some of the men my age are often too pipe and slippers for me. And the one's who second time around go for the younger model look exhausted by their new brood of babies and toddlers. Silly sods.

From your OP I thought you were being OTT, jealous and controlling but reading the full thread I see this isn't about him having female friends at all but him neglecting you, stringing you along, belittling your chance of fertility. I think you should leave and do this alone, get a sperm donor. I have a single friend that has done it, it was straightforward. Early menopause does run in families and you really should wait this one out. Get a fertility test done ASAP.

Thanks for the suggestions of getting a sperm donor. I looked into it there and it seems I will have to save for a while to enable to afford it if this is what I choose to do. For some reason I just thought it would be a couple of hundred quid or something.

Couple of hundred quid?

I’ll consider doing you a good deed. Bye me a decent wagyu steak ( medium, never medium rare for a wagyu). A decent red as an accompaniment. And I’ll forgo the few hundred. How does that sound? Couldn’t be fairer than that:)

I would leave them. Him meeting a female friend is the least of your worries.

As for that male poster sorry to burst your bubble but I'm 30 and all my friends are between 27-30 and none of us would go for a 40 year old. I'd set my max dating range at about 35.

Are you finding op's predicament amusing, CG ?

You don’t have to pay thousands to go down the official route. People have been known to get pregnant from buyin sperm from Facebook and other places.

Buying sperm off Facebook - WTF. It might be riddled with all sorts, do not do it.

Bloody hell no not Facebook!!!!

Or you could take up the creepy offers from randoms hanging out on parenting sites

Try Scandinavia. Good strong Viking sperm and it’s not too expensive I hear. Also you can read up on the guys profiles, which you can’t do everywhere.

Concentrate on your tests first and go from there.

I am going out with a male friend next Saturday night, in fact I am his plus one to an event, DH doesn’t mind. He has a female colleague he goes out with and I don’t mind.

Try not to worry, suggest you meet her another time?