Fiancé came home and told me to leave

[iwalyw]

My fiancé (together for 16 years) came home from work tonight and told me to leave. I had zero idea that anything was wrong but according to what he has said (very little) my personailty has changed a little and he no longer loves me. That is litterally all he will say apart from he just wants to be single.

I asked if there was anyone else and of course he said no, I said there must be a reason to go from a happy long term relationship to not loving me and wanting me out in the space of a work day. He just keeps repeating thr same things. Single. Personality (though he wont tell me how I have changed just that I have)

I asked if we could talk about it and try to make whatever is wrong right. He said no. He has just finished booking me a flight back to my family. I will be leaving at 9am. After 16 years this is how it ends? I have no idea how to process all this. No idea where to start. I feel sick. I would understand if he had come home to find me in bed with someone, but I havent done anything wrong and he is treating me with so much hate.

Yesterday we we planning to book a meal for tonight thats how normal everything was. He went to work and came home and did this.

Please help me understand.

[LMC84]

I hope your ok op x

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

I suppose he’d have to lock the OP out first with her possesions inside but since she’s going willingly...

[Jenny17]

You shouldn't let him treat you like this. He has the prerogative to end a relationship but he cannot bundle you out within 12 hours of delivering the news. I feel there is much more than you must be telling us or perhaps there is something he doesn’t want you to find out?

Good luck.

[Abitlost2015]

OP I hope you are coping with whatever YOU decide to do today. Please make sure it is your decision.

[falang]

No. He can't make you leave. Do you want to stay in the area. You say you have some friends. Unpack your bags and say you're not going back to your family and you need time to get your life in order. Do you think he's been angry about you not working, have you been looking for work? If not you need to start today. However I do think this all points to someone else in the wings. Men very rarely do something like this without another women to slot in. Sorry OP.

[Angelf1sh]

Falang, the op said she wasn’t working because of ill health. If she’s not fit to work she shouldn’t have to start looking for a job because your think her shitty partner thinks she should.

[Tinkie25]

Sorry but yabu

[Tinkie25]

Sorry op 💐💐💐💐💐

Didn’t realise I had two mumsnetter windows open. That clearly wasn’t aimed at you - wrong thread 🙈

Wishing you all the best.

[Angelf1sh]

I hope you haven’t left the house op, I really don’t think you should until you’ve established if you have any legal right to any of it. You definitely shouldn’t leave behind most of your possessions just because he’s booked a flight. But I suspect you have gone, in which case I wish you the best of luck. You’re understandably devastated right now, but in time you’ll get better and will restart your life afresh. He will always be the guy who threw out his fiancée within a letter of hours. Even if it turns out there is no OW and he’s ill or something and thinks he’s being noble and trying to protect you (I’m not saying it is this, im just saying the least worst reason I can think of for his behaviour), he’s still behaved appallingly towards you and I hope he’s eternally ashamed of himself.

You’ll be fine. In time. Good luck op.

[GreenRut]

That is almost exactly what happened to me 12 years ago. Fiance of 11 years came home and told me it was over. I was 400 miles from home. I got a plane the next morning, devastated, hurt, confused, cried all the way home and probably for months after . If I met him now I would genuinely thank him profusely. It was the best day's work he ever did.

You will get through this.

[iwalyw]

He drove me to the airport in silence. I did try to talk to him but he wouldn't answer anything i asked apart from i asked if what he is doing will make him happy. He said yes. I got out of the car and i asked him one final time if this was it and no going back. He said yes. He broke down crying. I walked away without so much as a hug goodbye from him.

I went through security went straight to the bathroom and threw up then broke down.

I.cant think straight at the moment. I will be back later to answer any questions.

[punkpuffin]

I'm so sorry op. I think he has done you a massive favour in the long run but it must hurt like hell right now. Has he told you how he will get your things sent to you?

[mathanxiety]

No words.

[Greatestshowgirl]

What a sad story and such a shock for you.

[Ellisandra]

It makes a little more sense now - it's still not acceptable in any way, but it hasn't come from nowhere, now you say that you became ill last year and have had to stop working.

That is very likely to have had an affect on your relationship. And I expect he's feeling the loss of financial contribution too.

I don't say this to excuse him or blame you - but to make more sense of it. I think the change in your life circumstance is a part of this - and it may be (I think is) coupled with him cheating.

He's an absolute arsehole, both for the instant flight, and for the photo deletion. That was needlessly cruel.

[user187656748]

OP you will probably have left by now but please take the time to email your ex

"Following the events that have happened yesterday whereby you gave me less than 24 hours to leave my home, I am in the process of taking legal advice. In the meantime, I will require access to the property to remove my possessions and my share of the various joint possessions we have accumulated throughout our 16 year relationship. This will take place on [DATE] and I will be accompanied during that time. I would suggest it would be best for both of us if you are not present at that time, or, in the event that we need to discuss the splitting of joint property, that you are accompanied by someone we both know and who can be trusted to remain neutral and calm during what will no doubt be a difficult situation. It is likely to take a full day to go through everything. In the event that items are removed from the property in the meantime then I will list these and will provide this list to my solicitor. I hope that this will not be necessary.

I trust this is acceptable and would appreciate your confirmation that the property will be accessible and our various possessions will not be removed in the meantime.

Yours"

[KanielOutis]

You can bet he'll be back in six months with his tail between his legs. And you will have healed so much and come so far that you won't even want him.

[Rachie1986]

Thinking of you. Hope you have a safe flight x

[Mix56]

The dynamic changed when you became ill.

[Greatestshowgirl]

I wouldn’t be so sure that he will want her back. He sounds pretty definite.

It is so sudden for you op but it obviously wouldn’t have been for him. You may never know if there is someone else or not. It might be important to you to have answers. I’m not sure personally I would want to know especially if I moved out of the country.

Can I ask what illness you have op?

[Abitlost2015]

I hope you find comfort with your family and in time you can forget this man who does not deserve you.
Many comments now about her illness changing the relationship - this may well be the case but is no excuse or explanation for the way he has behaved.

[Angelf1sh]

Greatestshowgirl, it’s pretty rude to ask op personal medical info. It’s not necessary for us to know and is possibly quite outing for her.

[NeilPetark]

But if it’s his house and they aren’t married, the OP has no claim on anything apart from her stuff. She can’t change the locks.

I’m sorry this has happened like this OP.

[OMGWTFLMFAO]

Bastard. Take all the forks with you.

[alotalotalot]

He was cruel in the way he did it. Get angry at that. I also think the dynamics may have changed after your illness and job loss. Doesn't say much about him does it.

What also concerns me is you seem to have few possessions and he seemed to have such little respect for you. What was your actual relationship like? I my bottom dollar he wasn't a great partner. When you feel in a better space emotionally - and it will feel a bit easier over time - please examine your relationship and check that he wasn't controlling or worse. I suspect that he very much called the shots. If it was, then post again for advice so that you go into your next relationship confident that you will be treated with respect.

You will get over this op and be happy again, even though it doesn't seem like it now. Do you have any money at all saved?