Fiancé came home and told me to leave

[iwalyw]

My fiancé (together for 16 years) came home from work tonight and told me to leave. I had zero idea that anything was wrong but according to what he has said (very little) my personailty has changed a little and he no longer loves me. That is litterally all he will say apart from he just wants to be single.

I asked if there was anyone else and of course he said no, I said there must be a reason to go from a happy long term relationship to not loving me and wanting me out in the space of a work day. He just keeps repeating thr same things. Single. Personality (though he wont tell me how I have changed just that I have)

I asked if we could talk about it and try to make whatever is wrong right. He said no. He has just finished booking me a flight back to my family. I will be leaving at 9am. After 16 years this is how it ends? I have no idea how to process all this. No idea where to start. I feel sick. I would understand if he had come home to find me in bed with someone, but I havent done anything wrong and he is treating me with so much hate.

Yesterday we we planning to book a meal for tonight thats how normal everything was. He went to work and came home and did this.

Please help me understand.

[Battleax]

On the higher education boards, firms that move several boxes cross-country have been recommended.

[DonnyAndVladSittingInATree]

I wouldn’t leave without every single item that belongs to you. I wouldn’t trust this bastard to ever let you have access again to collect it at a later date if you leave tomorrow. He has been totally heartless in what he has done. He can be heartless again. Don’t underestimate him. Leave when you have a van full of all your stuff. Ask your family to come and help you pack.

[hotcrossbuns765]

Take everything in the house that belongs to you. He can't just kick you out without an explanation. I'm so sorry. Could he be having a mental health breakdown?

[VetOnCall]

Unless he's booked a cargo plane you're only going to be able to take a suitcase of clothes with you. You must have more stuff there after such a long time - do you have furniture? A TV? A car?? You must be totally reeling but I honestly think you need to sit tight at least for a couple of days so you can sort out your belongings, if he doesn't like it, well, fuck him.

[BettyBaggins]

An ex of mine finished our 6 year relationship in the b ddle of starting to talk about a holiday. He was gone in 20 mins. Huge shock for me.

But, within 8 weeks I found a new home and suddenly realised I was feeling really happy, happier than I had been for years. He slunk back crying 6 months later, I told him that there was no way I would have him back, made him a fried egg sarnie and sent him on his way 😉

Get on home to your family and may this be a turning point for your health and future happiness

[BettyBaggins]

*middle

[GroggyFroggy]

I am so sorry this has happened to you OP.
Are you in the uk?
I had a similar situation many years ago where my ex ended the relationship very suddenly with no explanation and it fucking hurts. I can’t imagine having to leave my home and travel 450 miles as well as dealing with the trauma of a break up like that.
I know you won’t be thinking clearly right now, but please try and have a little bit more time than tomorrow morning. Sure, if you want to go home to your family then do that, but if you don’t want to do that yet then please stay. Sleep on the couch if you need to, but take some time to make plans. Even just about getting your belongings out and getting it all back home to your family
Again I’m sorry this has happened to you

[Jux]

I'd tell him that I needed more time to organise all my stuff.

Is there a law in the country you're in about partners, length of time together, ownership of stuff, anything? Maybe there's a law that says if you've lived together for x amount of time then assets are considered shared?

That would be as well as having someone else, I'm afraid though. It does sounds bery much that he's been cheating.

[F1resideLuxury]

Do you have any of your own money ? He may have paid for the flights, but how are you going to travel at the other end of your journey ? If you stay where you are, but not in the same house, do you have any money to start again ? Can you sell anything that you own ? I would ask him for some money . He has also given you no time to say goodbye to your friends or to pack your stuff. The no time is cruel

[iwalyw]

I was on my phone earlier, he has gone to bed now after getting me a few pillows for the spare bed, flight is booked, I am packed as much as I can be in the time I have had to do it in, I am taking my clothes, my phone, passport and a few other items, all the rest I don't care about.

I have been trying to talk to him all night since he told me and have not got anything else since I last posted other than him texting me telling me he is sorry he feels this way and he feels like a c##t. I asked him what so so appealing about being single after so long, what his grand plans for single life were, he said he has none, that he just wants to be single again, tried to ask again what about my personality has changed and he will not say so there is no more I can do.

I asked him if this is truly what he wants as there will be no going back once I have gone and he said he knows that and yes its what he wants. I also told him is he has anything at all to say to me now is the time to do it because in a few hours i will be gone from his life forever and got nothing. He also deleted all the pictures of me/us/our engagement off his phone and computer as I was sitting next to him, I am gone, like I never existed. I broke down in tears and he didn't even look at me. I am in tears now writing this because I know the man I love is gone and is never coming back. I never knew i meant so little to him.

[travellerexpat]

Wow, I am so sorry.
If you have the practical stuff packed and you want nothing else; I would get on that plane. Not because he tells you to, but you need to be with your family and get the hell away from this unspeakable man.

There are all the processes of grieving to go through, and you need to be with people who love you & will take care of you. I am so sorry you are going through this. Just get through the next few hours, and then deal with processing the emotions bit by bit when you are ready

[honeyroar]

I'm so sorry, no wonder you're reeling. He bloody well should feel like a c**t, because he is, and a cold hearted one. You didn't mean so little to him, he will regret deleting all the photos and being so cruel. There must be something going on, someone else, or something. Nobody "just wants to be single" at the drop of a hat like that and to erase all signs of a relationship from their life. I wish I could give you a hug. Only a few hours until you'll be with family and people that can support you.xx

[Chingchok]

Ditto what honeyroar said - he really is a nasty piece of work. How he can say he is sorry and feel awful and yet delete all the photos of you is completely beyond me. That’s just twisting the knife.
I’m so sorry you are going through this, but you are not nothing. If you have decided to leave on this flight, and you truly don’t care about the rest of your stuff, then go and don’t look back. I know 16 years is a long time but think of it this way - you are having a lucky escape from whatever was to come. Because he is truly unpleasant and who knows how he would have treated you if you stayed together. Go to your family, and breathe a sigh of relief. And keep breathing, and keep putting one foot in front of the other, until he is a tiny speck in the distance. Good luck.

[ferando81]

There is someone else,it's the only explanation.If he really wanted to be on his own and any shred of respect for a woman he once loved ,he would allow you enough time to get everything in order.

[FixItUpChappie]

He is a cunt and you are well rid of him. What a cruel human being

I'm sorry OP - I hope you will come to a freeing place where this can be a fresh start for you to

[iwalyw]

Now I am sitting here alone I have had a bit of time to think and I am more confused than I was earlier, if he is seeing someone else (not that it matters now) then I have no idea when he would do it, he was never late home, at home on days off etc, never got strange texts or emails, not one to go out drinking etc it just doesn't make sense at all, none of it.

[Ginkypig]

If he has made the deliberate choice to not only end the relationship but to add in as many extra way to cause you as much pain as possible while doing it, examples include,
Giving you no warning
having booked a flight
not talking to you
deliberately deleting photos of you while sat next to you on the very day he's ended things.

Then thank your lucky stars because you've had a very lucky escape! He is absolutely not worth a single ounce of your care. He has treated you abysmally!
I know it hurts but eventually the pain will subside and you can get on with the rest of your fucking fabulous life.

[Reddlion]

there is someone else or he has cheated and feels bad now blaming you, maybe he's gay?
either way please don't beg him it won't change his mind and make you feel worse
get on the plane and go and never look back
cheaters always act cold and act like everything is your fault (which it is not)

[Reddlion]

he's a scumbag and his new relationship won't work because it started with lies and hurt.
You will move on and find someone who loves you
you need to accept he is not the same person you fell in love with he's a wrongen

[SD1978]

Where is home OP? Do you have anyone in the UK you could stay with, to give you more time to pack? I’m sorry you’re being treated this way- will he accept that you need financial support to start over? Or is he assuming shipping you home means he’s done? You’re not worthless- he is. I’m sorry this has happened.

[Rainbowsandflowers78]

Most likely he is seeing someone else

Also many men become idiots when their partner is ill - it’s not talked about much because it’s awful but many men leave when they feel like they’ve become a carer.

The suddenness though would indicate an ow.

[Rainbowsandflowers78]

The divorce rate is 21 % when a woman is long term ill and 3 % when a guy is long term ill

[vwlphb]

I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You absolutely do not deserve this.

This is just so bizarre that the only real possibilities are that he's having an affair or he has had a complete mental break. Either way, I would be getting on that plane ASAP and not looking back.

This is not on you, OP. This is all on him. I hope you are soon within the comfort of your family.

[Rainbowsandflowers78]

Either way you are better off without him if he treats you like this

[mathanxiety]

I would be very tempted to piss all over the furniture before I left, if I were you. I would also unplug the fridge and freezer, and maybe turn the water off at the mains after showering. Maybe leave a turd in the cupboard under the sink.

You are so well shot of this unhinged man.

Wishing you every good thing in the future