Fiancé came home and told me to leave

[iwalyw]

My fiancé (together for 16 years) came home from work tonight and told me to leave. I had zero idea that anything was wrong but according to what he has said (very little) my personailty has changed a little and he no longer loves me. That is litterally all he will say apart from he just wants to be single.

I asked if there was anyone else and of course he said no, I said there must be a reason to go from a happy long term relationship to not loving me and wanting me out in the space of a work day. He just keeps repeating thr same things. Single. Personality (though he wont tell me how I have changed just that I have)

I asked if we could talk about it and try to make whatever is wrong right. He said no. He has just finished booking me a flight back to my family. I will be leaving at 9am. After 16 years this is how it ends? I have no idea how to process all this. No idea where to start. I feel sick. I would understand if he had come home to find me in bed with someone, but I havent done anything wrong and he is treating me with so much hate.

Yesterday we we planning to book a meal for tonight thats how normal everything was. He went to work and came home and did this.

Please help me understand.

[Rainbowsandflowers78]

Ha math - yes put some fish hidden in his wardrobe op
Also rub his toothbrush round the loo
And take anything from the house you really love
Def take your engagement ring with you and sell it

[Jenny17]

If you want answers don’t get on that plane yet. You’ve been with him for 16 years he can wait 16 days for you to pack unrushed. Ask him to change the flight to the convenient date for you. You need to make arrangements, he cannot presume you are going to stay with your mum. If he cannot be around you, he can move out for a few weeks.

By Monday night / Tuesday morning he’ll probably try and move someone else in. I think you have to accept that he is ending things but make life as convenient for you as possible. In the two weeks seek legal advice. You may be entitled to something whether you want to pursue is up to you.

[mathanxiety]

Excellent, Rainbows! I recommend a tin of sardines in a hard to reach spot...

And I agree with you, Jenny.
OP, don't be railroaded unless you fear violence. If you fear violence, cut your losses.

[iwalyw]

thank you all. I am still awake, can't sleep, will be leaving at 7am anyway to get to the airport as we live so far away from it, so no point sleeping now. I have just been looking on the shelter website and apparently the council might be able to help me so I will look into that as soon as I can, I will be sleeping on my mums couch as she has no room for me otherwise so that is now my life.

Yesterday, the only problem I had was deciding what to make for dinner tomorrow and now I am homeless at almost 40 years old, all in the blink of an eye.

Thank you all for your words and advice.

[yorkshireyummymummy]

I’m concerned that you are literally taking your clothes and phone.
After sixteen years you MUST have more than that.
It would take me a week to pack my stuff . Minimum.
I think you are in shock, not thinking straight and that you will regret walking out with nothing as I think once you walk out of that door you won’t get back in. And if he has an OW then she will be getting rid of your stuff pronto.
Don’t leave tomorrow. Tell him you need 72 hrs. And then pack every last thing which is yours.
And I don’t know what my parting shot would be but I would be tempted to pour milk on the carpet under the bed. Couple of days and that will stink and be impossible to get out. Plus I would cut the arms off every item of clothing he owns. But I’m an angry bitch who would have to hurt him or I wouldn’t be able to sleep at night!

Whatever you do, you truly are better without this horrible cold man who is destined to never be happy. Good luck .

[mathanxiety]

He ate the dinner you cooked, and then presented you with this fait accompli?

I agree you are in shock.

Please dig in your heels and refuse to leave until you have packed and made arrangements for every single thing you own and have had a chance to at least call Shelter and work something concrete out.

You can ask your ex-fiance to pay for boxes and shipping and storage. The bastard.

Something similar happened to a friend of a friend of mine. She was blindsided by the boyfriend with whom she had moved half way round the world a few years earlier. His pregnant barmaid girlfriend literally passed her in the doorway heading in with all her boxes as friend of a friend left with her one suitcase and one carry-on item. It killed her afterwards that the pair of them had probably thrown out stuff of hers like nail polish and John Grisham novels - stuff you really wouldn't bother packing if you were simply moving house - but she felt twice as violated because she had not packed and her things were disposed of by those scummy people in her wake.

Milk under the bed is a good one! Under the cooker and under the fridge are also good places to leave a little surprise. A friend of DD1's once dropped a burger in a plastic bag under the back seat of my car one wild night, by accident, and I highly recommend that too. It smelled like death for weeks. I tore the car inside out trying to find it.

[Mummyoflittledragon]

What an arsehole. You truly deserve better.

As a pp said, you may have a financial stake in the house. I wouldn’t be just walking away from that. And your things.

[serialcheat]

Heartbreaking.......

And you won't see it or realise it for a good while....

But one day, you will thank him, because this cunt is doing you a massive favour.

[MrsDilber]

What a spiteful thing to do to you. Id say I'm leaving, once I've got my stuff here in order. Do just that and go. Do not beg him. Lucky escape, if you ask me. Good luck op.

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

I think I’d call 101 and ask for advice. That’s your main home even though he owns it, you cannot be chucked overnight. What about your stuff? Is your illness making you vulnerable - you said you lost your jon because of it?

Like someone already said - if you put money in the house: repair, decorating, you should try getting it back. You sound in shock, I really think it’s ill advised to leave without your stuff.

[Secretlifeofme]

Op, you can't just leave! That is crazy behaviour on the part of your fiancé and suggests he has someone else. What a twat :(

[PeonyTruffle]

There is definitely an other woman involved OP. without a doubt. He’s a complete tool.

[TakeMe2Insanity]

OP - so sorry this is happening but it is a lucky escape. I know you’ve said your things are just stuff but surely you have the right to decide what happens to it. Box it, pack it arrange to send it to your mums. Then choose a flight which suits you and go on that. Don’t leave any paperwork behind.

[princesssparkle1]

I don't understand how, after 16 years, you have so few possessions, no friends and why you are allowing him to call all the shots. Even 'sleeping' on the sofa instead of him.

Makes no sense to me.

[dudsville]

How utterly shocking. He's an ass. You WILL be better off without him. At nearly 40 you have time to think about making your life wonderful. He's done this, that's on him, but what you do with it now is on you, life has left you needing to hit the ground running, I hope you get a moment to catch your breath first.

[JeNeSuisPasVotreMiel]

Prawns down the back of the sofa. It will smell like death.

I don't get how you're getting a flight which leaves at 9 but not leaving the house til 7? You'll need to arrive at the airport at 7, surely?

[BedtimeTea]

There is a reason, another person or something shady he is not saying. The cold hearted way he is going about ending your relationship tells me you are better off without him.

[Mary1935]

Are you real - 40 years old and allowing another person to treat you like this - book your flight and telling you to go. He must have been abusive in other ways as this is appalling. I wouldn't go - I would call the police and have a conversation. Are you not classed as a tennant - I thought he would need to give you a months notice - you need time to sort out your things - I'm sorry this must be such a shocker - what a cold hearted bastard - your well rid - but yes I would piss on his furniture - etc - your anger will come later - i know I'm late in the day - but the council may not house you immediately - I live in south east London and to have any entitlement to social housing you need to have resided in the borough for 5 years before you can even go on the waiting list. I would call shelter first thing on Monday. I wish you well.

[BedtimeTea]

Even a landlord can't throw anybody out just like that.

[123MothergotafleA]

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[123MothergotafleA]

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[KeepCalm]

Don't bother with 101, it's not a police matter. You need legal advice. And quickly.

Get photographs/copies of documents/statements/papers anything that shows what you've contributed and for crying out loud DON'T Leave.

If you believe he may get aggressive or violent THEN it's a police matter.

[Bananamanfan]

So sorry, op. hope you are ok.

[SoulStew]

I hope you are on the way to your new life op. I think leaving is the best idea.
Just an idle thought.....but can’t massive and sudden changes in personality be caused by brain tumours? Just casting about for reasons for this bizarre behaviour on his part.....it’s so utterly cruel that I can’t think why any normalcy functioning adult would do It!?

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

I mentioned 101 because when someone on here wants to change the locks and lock out their partner, they’re advised they cannot do it and I remember one thread when the other half came back with police after being locked out.