Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 16 17

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Fiancé came home and told me to leave

416 replies

iwalyw · 19/01/2018 22:41

My fiancé (together for 16 years) came home from work tonight and told me to leave. I had zero idea that anything was wrong but according to what he has said (very little) my personailty has changed a little and he no longer loves me. That is litterally all he will say apart from he just wants to be single.

I asked if there was anyone else and of course he said no, I said there must be a reason to go from a happy long term relationship to not loving me and wanting me out in the space of a work day. He just keeps repeating thr same things. Single. Personality (though he wont tell me how I have changed just that I have)

I asked if we could talk about it and try to make whatever is wrong right. He said no. He has just finished booking me a flight back to my family. I will be leaving at 9am. After 16 years this is how it ends? I have no idea how to process all this. No idea where to start. I feel sick. I would understand if he had come home to find me in bed with someone, but I havent done anything wrong and he is treating me with so much hate.

Yesterday we we planning to book a meal for tonight thats how normal everything was. He went to work and came home and did this.

Please help me understand.

OP posts:

Report

iwalyw · 19/01/2018 23:05

I have no reason to stay. I may as well get on that plane. All my family will be there. I do feel there is someone else but i guess i will never know.

OP posts:

Mrsmadevans · 19/01/2018 23:05

Sounds like there is another woman , so sorry my dear .

Graphista · 19/01/2018 23:05

I'm with Donny, there's definitely another woman and she's had enough of being strung along and spending weekends on her own - I reckon he's supposed to be seeing her tomorrow night, quite possibly at your home. Hence all the haste.

He's taking the absolute piss! You do not have to leave your home and belongings like that NOBODY, no lawyer or judge would think it AT ALL reasonable to get LESS THAN 24 hours, even landlords can't do that.

Tell him to fuck off and you'll leave when you're good and ready.

Battleax · 19/01/2018 23:05

I think it was a mistake me making this thread right now because of how i am feeling. Worthless. I mean nothing. I just asked him "so you would rather be alone than with someone who loves you?" He said yes because the feelings arent returned. I have my answer but i will never know why.

You are reflecting the pain inwards because you have decency and he doesn't. The thread might help you process some of this. It must have been a monumental shock.

The reason might become apparent. Brace yourself for the possibility of an OW in the background.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/01/2018 23:06

Oh gosh, what a nasty bastRd. Sod the flight, don't leave if you don't want. You can't just leave a job like that. Can you get a hotel for a few days to gather your thoughts and give you time to see what to do.

Caprinihahahaha · 19/01/2018 23:08

If you have really let yourself get to the point where after 16 years you share nothing, you have no roots in the area where you live, no job, no friends, no share in the property. No career - nothing but this man - this could be a good thing.
To have you life so utterly wrapped around one person is perilous, clearly

UrsulaPandress · 19/01/2018 23:09

Don't you have a job? Friends? A life?

Sack that him ordering you out and booking you a flight.

Ok if the relationship is over, but he can't dictate to you like this.

Battleax · 19/01/2018 23:10

I have no reason to stay. I may as well get on that plane

How?

Have you been a housewife? Don't you have local friends? Commitments?

Caprinihahahaha · 19/01/2018 23:12

You need things to change
I’ve been married nearly 30 years and I have a life that exists alongside my marriage.
If he walked out I would be devastated but I still have a life here - people who love me, work, dogs, my house, my garden, my photos, books, etc etc

iwalyw · 19/01/2018 23:13

All my family is where i am going. I have a few friends. Did work until i became ill last year and lost my job. I will never trust anyone again. I do not know this man anymore.

OP posts:

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/01/2018 23:13

If you have really let yourself get to the point where after 16 years you share nothing, you have no roots in the area where you live, no job, no friends, no share in the property. No career - nothing but this man - this could be a good thing.

This.

Viviennemary · 19/01/2018 23:13

You should sit tight for the time being. Unless you just want to get out as quickly as possible. You say he's booked you a flight back to your family. How dare he. You make the decision on where you go next not him. Do you have a job? He is a horrible selfish monster to treat somebody like this.

expatinscotland · 19/01/2018 23:14

I would NOT leave until I had all my stuff. There was a thread on here not too long ago from a woman in a similar situation whose boyfriend had ghosted her. She had left stuff at his house and then he refused to give it back.

He has someone else. He tells you he doesn't, he's lying.

He's also a fucking wanker. He doesn't get to send you out like a package.

HarrietSchulenberg · 19/01/2018 23:14

Refuse to leave until he's he's given you a full and frank explanation and you've had time to pack properly. Allow at least two full days.

If the relationship is over then he owes you that.

raymonReddingtonsOtherdaughter · 19/01/2018 23:14

Do you have any bearby friends who can come round ? Do you need time to pack all of your belongings? Tell him no you won’t leave I. The morning, it’s not practical. You will have a job ? Things to pack, ? Post to redirect? That can’t be done overnight. It might be his house, but you must have belongings and shared belongings there.
I had a boyfriend, his house, who did the same thing. Wouldn’t speak to me, lovely with everyone else, just not me. I think there is atype of Male like this.
Take all your things. Don’t bother discussing, in my experience it made no difference. Don’t go until you are ready, but you need some support from work colleague or friends.

Giraffey1 · 19/01/2018 23:14

If you can, tell him you are not going anywhere until you are good and ready. Tell him calmly that you are not a parcel to be despatched at his whim. Tell him that if he has one shred of human decency he must accept he is being unreasonable to expect you to leave the life you have shared for so long, on his whim and with no notice. You have been together for 16 years and you deserve to be treated with respect and honesty.

VladmirsPoutine · 19/01/2018 23:14

Do you have any savings? Money of your own?

raymonReddingtonsOtherdaughter · 19/01/2018 23:15

And if he threatens you, phone the police immediately.

curlyrebel · 19/01/2018 23:17

I'm so sorry you're being treated like this. Whether or not there is a 3rd party involved, his behaviour is utterly unreasonable. Do you have any friends you can stay with tonight? You need some time to think. Leaving the country should be your decision to make and not his. I do hope you have someone you trust nearby that you can speak to. Or could you call someone in your family? Good luck.

honeyroar · 19/01/2018 23:17

He may decide that he doesn't love you, he may decide that he wants to end things, but he can't just book a flight for a few hours later, without even discussing it with you, and expect you to abandon all your things. You're not shopping he's returning, you're someone he has been with for years!! What's he going to do, order a skip and throw away all traces of you?

Yes you probably are best going back to your family and being surrounded by people that love you, but you should get a later flight and sort out all your things first. He owes you some respect and decency.

maddening · 19/01/2018 23:20

Tell him you will need to stay in the house for a couple of weeks at least to sort your stuff out as it is unreasonable to give you no notice.

serialcheat · 19/01/2018 23:21

I find if you sit in an uncomfortable chair, and you're not happy in it, then find another chair that you ARE comfortable in and you are happier to be sitting in.....

An understatement, I know, but you are sitting in a chair with a cushion of nails.....

He's not going to give you any answers and I don't think he's going to backtrack....

You can detonate your brain seeking answers that are really, irrelevant because they seemingly won't change anything....

My heart goes out to you. But as hard as it is, and it's easy for posters to say ' whatever ',
Get on the plane, close that particular door and look to the future by opening a new one....

Best wishes to you.

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

JaneEyre70 · 19/01/2018 23:25

I think you should go home, to love and support. He's clearly checked out of this relationship, and that leaves you nowhere to go with it. There is no point in delaying the inevitable, but I would take anything of any value with you in case he has "help" clearing your things out. Just to be on the safe side. I'm so sorry he's done this to you, but you need to be around good people right now and not this prick. What a cowardly thing to do to someone.

HandMsMonkey · 19/01/2018 23:26

I think get on the plane too and recuperate/ get your thoughts together while surrounded by your family.

BUT I might tell him I'm not getting on the plane and I need longer to pack etc just to see what he says... All sounds very fishy to me.

altiara · 19/01/2018 23:31

NO point leaving without your stuff, if you’re not going to get answers then the VERY least you want to do is take your things as he will not be sending them on!

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 16 17

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.