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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH smacked daughter in face

173 replies

needadvicenow81 · 15/01/2018 01:29

My H smacked our D in her face today. Down on her level and she is 5.

She had refused to come home in the street. She was being very difficult but this is no excuse.

After I took H in to our bedroom and told him it was not to happen again. I should have said because it is wrong, but knowing him as I do, I felt safer saying if you hit then you have no further road ahead. I was wary of attacking him in case he turned on me, verbally.

I can't sleep for thinking about what he did. There are other incidents that I can't mention. I am married to a man who becomes a violent one when someone defies him.

What should I do now? Please can I get some wise words. Is the slapping as bad as I feel it is?

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 15/01/2018 01:30

What does no curther road ahead mean?

ThisLittleKitty · 15/01/2018 01:32

Ofcourse it is. A grown man slapping a child in the face is disgusting and I'm pretty sure it's illegal aswell (or should be) pretty sure smacking is only legal if it's not in the face/head or doesn't leave a mark.

Greensleeves · 15/01/2018 01:32

I would call the police. It's assault. I'll probably be flamed for that.

Are you ok? Are you safe? Sorry you're going through this Flowers

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 15/01/2018 01:34

Slapping is very bad, yes. You can do serious damage to someone eg harm eyesight.
It's a huge breach of the trust children put in their parents.

Have you waited until now because you were worried about posting earlier in case he saw what you were doing?

You seem scared.

What would help you and your child feel safer? Would you contact the police?

Original poster
needadvicenow81 · 15/01/2018 01:35

Sorry, I meant if you hit like this, as punishment, so freely, then as a parent you have lost control, of the situation, the child's ability to process. Basically, if you hit like that then the child will normalize it. Nor will the child's behavior change.

OP posts:
Sullabylullaby · 15/01/2018 01:35

The fucker would be beaten with a baseball bat if it was me.

Original poster
needadvicenow81 · 15/01/2018 01:37

I have been in shock all day. I told him straight after not to do it ever again. But I don't think he knows it is wrong, illegal, and vile.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 15/01/2018 01:38

Is this the first indication you've had that he is violent? Has he hurt you?

I think you need to be prepared to leave, for your own safety and your daughter's. This is not normal behaviour, not by a long way.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 15/01/2018 01:38

The point is that you know, and you can take control of this situation and ensure he is not able to do this anymore.
Do you feel ready to do that?

From experience this is not something you can talk someone out of doing.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 15/01/2018 01:40

To be clear I meant I once tried to talk my ex out of being a violent bully and he only got worse.
It was only when we separated that things changed.

You don't need his permission to leave. You don't owe him closure.

It's OK to trust your instinct on this and get to safety.

nocoolnamesleft · 15/01/2018 01:44

Police. This is assault and physical abuse of a child. And far better that you call the police than that the school have to do so.

Sullabylullaby · 15/01/2018 01:44

Get her little innocent vulnerable daughter to safety you mean.

Sullabylullaby · 15/01/2018 01:45

I honestly wouldn't be responsible for my actions if any man (or woman) slapped her on the face. I'd go nuclear. 'Discussing' it would not be on my Things to Do list.

Original poster
needadvicenow81 · 15/01/2018 01:45

Still here. Listening. I think I'll talk to a solicitor this week. He has a two day business trip mid week.

My instinct is to leave.

OP posts:
Sullabylullaby · 15/01/2018 01:45

He's a big inadequate bully.

Original poster
needadvicenow81 · 15/01/2018 01:47

I couldn't get to her in time to stop him. And yes, he has been violent to me in the past.

OP posts:
Greensleeves · 15/01/2018 01:48

It's not your fault you couldn't stop him. But you have to protect her, and yourself, now. Is there somewhere you can go quickly? I would get yourself and dd to safety and then call the police and report the bastard, including the violence against you.

HuskyMcClusky · 15/01/2018 01:49

Leave him.

thegreatbeyond · 15/01/2018 01:49

I would go to a refuge. Don't let your baby think this is what she is worth.

SuperLoudPoppingAction · 15/01/2018 01:53

You do not deserve his violence towards you and neither does your daughter.

These threads can get a bit frothy with folk demanding you do as they say and update every 30 seconds.
Try and filter that out if you can.

When you've been living in fear it's hard to be imaginative, to strategise. I completely understand that leaving is daunting. And maybe hard to imagine.

If you were to call the police they could support you to stay at the home if you're worried about losing your home.

Remember he is the one in the wrong.

MinorRSole · 15/01/2018 01:58

*Still here. Listening. I think I'll talk to a solicitor this week. He has a two day business trip mid week.

My instinct is to leave.*

Your instinct is 100% right.

Angharad07 · 15/01/2018 02:03

Stay strong, lovely. Remember that none of this is your fault but you can leave him before any harm (or more harm) is done. Confide in a friend/ family member if you can. If you can’t then phone a helpline when he’s out. You’re not alone, you can do this.

passmethewineplease · 15/01/2018 02:04

Follow your instinct OP!!

You and your daughter deserve to be treated so much better.

redwinewhine · 15/01/2018 02:04

I was on the end of more than a few slaps when I was growing up.

I guess in this day and age it’s not the done thing, but I think people are massively overreacting with the suggestion about going to the police.

redwinewhine · 15/01/2018 02:06

Just seen he’s been violent to you as well & it’s not an isolated incident.

I would leave.

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